Confusing messages are killer - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 02-01-2015, 10:36 PM
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Confusing messages are killer

Why is he looking for a one bedroom if you have kids? Aren't the kids going to stay with him ever? Or is he just ditching all of you?

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post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 10:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Confusing messages are killer

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Why is he looking for a one bedroom if you have kids? Aren't the kids going to stay with him ever? Or is he just ditching all of you?

I don't know that he is getting a one bedroom. He said to me once that wasn't sure what to get, a townhouse, an apartment, one or two bedroom, if the kids would even want to stay over with him. I think since this is a temporary arrangement one bedroom with the shortest lease available seemed economical for now. Definitely not where he will live if we do separate forever. I don't feel like he is "ditching" any of us.
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post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 10:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Confusing messages are killer

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Why is he looking for a one bedroom if you have kids? Aren't the kids going to stay with him ever? Or is he just ditching all of you?
My oldest will be living out of town in a dorm room starting June. I imagine when she comes home she will come to the house and stay in her own room.
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post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 11:47 AM
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Confusing messages are killer

Your husband sounds very immature and selfish. I can't believe that a real man would abandon his family, leaving you to deal with the kids and house just because he's never lived on his own. Something else or someone else is going on.

My husband turned 50 this past year too. He also has never lived in this own. He's not boohooing all over the place, drinking at night or feeling sorry for himself.
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post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 12:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confusing messages are killer

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Your husband sounds very immature and selfish. I can't believe that a real man would abandon his family, leaving you to deal with the kids and house just because he's never lived on his own. Something else or someone else is going on.

My husband turned 50 this past year too. He also has never lived in this own. He's not boohooing all over the place, drinking at night or feeling sorry for himself.
I agree he is selfish. I agree there is something else. Counseling has lead to probable depression and self medicating w alcohol. I honestly hope he continues to gets the help he needs as he has some demons to face. It doesn't make separation and an unknown future for the family any easier. Im just here trying to get support make myself ok.

In all fairness, I am a stay at home mom, live in a nice gated neighborhood, drive a nice car. He will continue to pay for all, doesn't want anything to change for us and he is a good enough provider to do that easily. I am grateful for that.
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post #21 of 26 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 02:02 PM
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Re: Confusing messages are killer

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In all fairness, I am a stay at home mom, live in a nice gated neighborhood, drive a nice car. He will continue to pay for all, doesn't want anything to change for us and he is a good enough provider to do that easily. I am grateful for that.
This so screams "he wants to test drive another female...in privacy"

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #22 of 26 (permalink) Old 02-03-2015, 12:02 PM
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Re: Confusing messages are killer

Separations are often used as an easy way to cheat. He's going to be busy living the single life while you are home taking care of the children. And then after six months he'll decide if he wants to continue that or maybe find a permanent replacement for you or perhaps move back home. All about him. While you wait for him to make up his mind if he really wants his family. Shaking my head.

Right now you're Plan B and he controls the future. You need to decide your own future.
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post #23 of 26 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 01:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confusing messages are killer

WOW!! What a difference a couple years make!! lol For some reason I thought Id revisit these posts today. I guess at the least I can give others some hope. Yes, 2015 SUCKED!! 2016 I realized I was better alone, got happier alone. I say alone but I have my college age daughter an hour and a half away and my 16 year old son lives with me and my 3 dogs. I did some things for myself, got my real estate license. This year I'm the most optimistic I've ever been about starting a new career, building HEALTHY relationships, being a good parent by example to my kids. I feel better than I have in years!!! Not legally divorced but he lives in another city now, 3 hours away, for right at a year. It sure takes some work but life is always good. Always something to be thankful for. Stay hopeful!!! Never give up!!
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post #24 of 26 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 01:51 PM
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Cool Re: Confusing messages are killer

Hope that you're richly enjoying living as his "Plan B," because, strictly judging from his actions, you sure as hell ain't exactly his "Plan A!"

Is something who is this unblatantly unfaithful to you really worth holding onto?

I didn't think so!


"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #25 of 26 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 02:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confusing messages are killer

I'm not a plan at all!!! Not A, not B not C. Not a plan at all!!

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post #26 of 26 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 02:29 PM
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Re: Confusing messages are killer

"Get busy living or get busy dying" Morgan Freeman, Shawshank Redemption

You chose living!

Now go kick some a$$

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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