Filed for divorce after 25 years
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Old 04-26-2011, 01:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
mbs
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Default Filed for divorce after 25 years

Does it ever get any easier?? I just filed 2 weeks ago. I waiver from being sure this is the right thing, to doubting my choice - and being scared to death either way. Here's a short description of how everything started. Our marriage has been rocky for many years, we have two children on 24 and one 17. I'm in my 40's and he is in his 60's, we married when I found out I was pregnant with our 1st child. My husband had a bad childhood and then served in Vietnam - he blames all his problems on these things. He is very angry and controlling....if you don't agree with him or don't do what he wants the arguing/yelling starts. both our children have had problems with him....I have tried for years to keep the peace but the stress will get to me and I will get upset and we will argue and yell and he will say he is leaving and wants a divorce. Sometimes he would leave for a few days but then come back and expect everything to go on like nothing happened. This time he yelled at our 17 yr old daughter, calling her names I can't type here, saying neither one of us respected him and she wasn't his daugter anymore. He said again that maybe he should leave...this time I told him yes I think you should leave, and I filed for divorce the next week. Now he emails me saying he loves me and wants to work it out/go to counseling and get back together. Then in the next email, he will say things like he would rather all our money go to the lawyers and that he will force me to sell my daughter's and my horses, dogs, cats, everthing. He just confuses and hurts me and I just don't know if I can get through this.
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Old 04-26-2011, 02:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Filed for divorce after 25 years

You will get through it and I would typically say try and see if you could work it out but if this has been going on and on why try any more. And to then speak to your daughter in that manner is just not acceptable. That would be a deal breaker for me- and then the comment about having to sell everything, ha he is more worried about the money. Tell him you can settle everything out of court so you don't need lawyers and see what he says.
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Old 04-27-2011, 09:03 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Filed for divorce after 25 years

Thanks for the advice, helps me feel a little better. Sometimes I doubt my choice and wonder if I should try to reconcile with him. I'm honestly scared of loosing the life I have lived for so long. Scared of loosing everything, having to move, uprooting my daughter, finances being tight. I just worry if I'm making the right decision.
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Old 04-27-2011, 09:50 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Filed for divorce after 25 years

He has issues. Sounds like he is emotionally and verbally abusive. People like this rarely ever change--they get worse over time. I was married to a very emotionally abusive man and only together for 8 yrs so I can't imagine 25 yrs of it. It broke me down in ways I still am dealing with. I lived a very comfortable life with my ex and we did quit well together and I've certainly taken some steps back in that sense but guess waht... I sleep at night, I don't have to take sedatives to go to sleep and I don't have someone who sulks for days/weeks or yells at me and calls me names or syas rude things to me in front of people. You can't put a price no that.

In the end, it's up to you whether you want to go back to it or not. I always say that being singl eand happily divorced is better than being stuck in an unhappy/abusive marriage.

Choice is yours though. If you think he can change, give it a whirl. If you think it's him talking out of his a--, then move on.
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