When I discovered my H's EA in January, I was already in a terrible place. I honestly didn't think life could get worse, and then the rug got pulled out from under me. I cried, pleaded, begged, and threatened to leave, but didn't have the strength.
We agreed to separate a month ago, and I'm actually doing O.K. The 180 has been a great tool, and I'm feeling a lot better about myself.
Well, a very attractive business associate (ABA) asked me to breakfast tomorrow. We have met for breakfast before, and it has been professional with the exception of talking about our kids. Shortly after my separation, I ran into "ABA" at a kids' event, and we hung out and started talking about things a bit more personal. He was looking for a short-term lease; marriage trouble. I confided that we were going through the same. There was definitely a spark. I actually physically backed away b/c it was such a foreign feeling. Haven't see or spoken to him again until yesterday.
I have NEVER in 19 years broken my marriage vows, and have never prior to this year felt jealous or suspicious of my H, or thought that he would cheat on me. I should mention that my H and the OW supposedly ended the affair after I discovered them, but since we are separated, I have laid off the detective work.
So, back to "ABA." I may be jumping the gun a bit, but what if he asks me out? I am separated because my H is confused about what he wants. I thought I wanted our marriage to work. The separation was completely out of left field and has devastated me. BUT as the counseling continues and the layers peel back, I wonder what I am doing with this selfish, emotionally underdeveloped man-child. REALLY? Why shouldn't I feel loved and desired?
What do you think???