My wife has left the marriage three times in the past 5 months. It's been a cycle - disappear for a couple of weeks, contact, come back, perfect feeling marriage for a few weeks, disappear again. Her personality does a 180 within a matter of a few minutes, something new for her.
PWNC, I agree with LongWalk (post #66) that you seem to be describing a few of the warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I therefore suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs
to see if they are relevant to your situation. If most of those signs sound very familiar, I also would suggest you read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Maybe's Thread
. If that description rings any bells, I would be glad to join LongWalk and the other respondents in discussing them with you.
She has no such history in the past.
PWNC, if this is really true, there is virtually no chance that she has a persistent problem with strong BPD traits -- or any other PD traits. It is extremely rare -- if it ever happens at all -- for a person having a lifetime PD problem to stop showing the symptoms for several years (e.g., for the first 3.5 years of your 4 year marriage).
On the other hand, it is common for a normal, healthy person to experience a temporary flare up of her BPD traits. I mention this because BPD is a "spectrum disorder," which means we all exhibit these traits to some degree. And we all can get temporary flare ups at various points in our lives. They can flare up to a very strong level -- perhaps for a year or two -- when a person experiences a strong change in hormones (e.g., as often occurs during puberty, pregnancy, postpartum, and perimenopause). The average age for perimenopause in the USA is 51 years, and the normal range of onset is any time between age 40 and age 58. Is your W in that age range? If so, has she been evaluated by a doctor for a possible hormone change?