Walk away spouse and finances.. advice? - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

User Tag List

 313Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #106 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 01:32 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 127
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

So, here's where I am.

I now have the address to send the separation papers. My attorney is updating the ones I had done last year.

Last year's version gave her the car and a cash payment of a few thousand in exchange for her signing everything else - business, home, investment, truck back into my name.

This year's version offers no exchange, just the provisions for her to sign everything back.

I told the lawyer to hurry. She's in a mood to prove that she can make it on her own... with OP's help of course. I need to get to her while she's in this proving mood and before she figures out an alcoholic felon cannot support her.

As far as possessions, she has all of her stuff. I have all of mine.

She has no access to any of the accounts. And I'm not paying for anything that benefits her except driver's insurance which ends on Friday.

A year ago, I would have been appalled at myself for being so harsh, but this year. I want out and I don't want to share any of the benefits of this marriage.

I can't believe I was paying for her car, her phone, her insurance and gave her access to an account while she was off cheating last year.

Thank God we didn't have kids together.

pwnc is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #107 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 01:46 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,552
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

You had to work through what was happening to you. You had to work through letting go of your dream and moving into the reality of your situation.
Are you still in counseling? How is that going?
You have made great progress. Don't expect progress to happen all at once. It takes time to work through and move through such difficulties.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is offline  
post #108 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 02:28 PM
Member
 
unbe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pwnc View Post
So, here's where I am.

I now have the address to send the separation papers. My attorney is updating the ones I had done last year.

Last year's version gave her the car and a cash payment of a few thousand in exchange for her signing everything else - business, home, investment, truck back into my name.

This year's version offers no exchange, just the provisions for her to sign everything back.

I told the lawyer to hurry. She's in a mood to prove that she can make it on her own... with OP's help of course. I need to get to her while she's in this proving mood and before she figures out an alcoholic felon cannot support her.

As far as possessions, she has all of her stuff. I have all of mine.

She has no access to any of the accounts. And I'm not paying for anything that benefits her except driver's insurance which ends on Friday.

A year ago, I would have been appalled at myself for being so harsh, but this year. I want out and I don't want to share any of the benefits of this marriage.

I can't believe I was paying for her car, her phone, her insurance and gave her access to an account while she was off cheating last year.

Thank God we didn't have kids together.
This feels like groundhog day!

Buddy, nothing you can do about the past. The future, never let this happen again!

"When people show you who they are, believe them!"- RTZ
unbe is offline  
 
post #109 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 04:04 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,713
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

You are completely different from who you were a year ago. If you were not... same roller coaster.

Funny thing... she probably thinks she can fix the drunk felon. Good luck with that...

Be glad it's over. Don't be surprised to see her trying to seek out her old Mr. Fixer after OM fizzles

out like a fart in the wind.

Hope you stick around TAM awhile.... give advice to some who are at where you were last year.

Question.... how was hr relationship with her step(son?)

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
post #110 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 06:09 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 127
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
You had to work through what was happening to you. You had to work through letting go of your dream and moving into the reality of your situation.
Are you still in counseling? How is that going?
You have made great progress. Don't expect progress to happen all at once. It takes time to work through and move through such difficulties.
Thank you for the reminder. It will take a while. I feel so exhausted from the drama of the past few weeks that I'm wanting to move fast.

That dream I'm having to put to rest - I spent so much time believing it would just magically resurrect, in spite of knowing better, in spite of all the evidence right in front of me telling me that it had died a while back.
pwnc is offline  
post #111 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 06:23 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 127
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post
You are completely different from who you were a year ago. If you were not... same roller coaster.

Funny thing... she probably thinks she can fix the drunk felon. Good luck with that...

Be glad it's over. Don't be surprised to see her trying to seek out her old Mr. Fixer after OM fizzles

out like a fart in the wind.

Hope you stick around TAM awhile.... give advice to some who are at where you were last year.

Question.... how was hr relationship with her step(son?)
Whether it's working for an R or how to maintain your dignity and move on, I could write book on what not to do!

Yes, she told me once that it was her job to fix OM. At one point, she wanted me to just hang out here until she could fix him enough to get him to his family's hometown where he would be safe. Then she would come home and work on the marriage. Geez. Even said she was responsible for his problems.

She had a good relationship with my son. They got extremely close over the last two months. She was working overtime to charm and get close to my family. In fact, on Mother's Day, he wrote her a card talking about how she was like a mother and he was so happy to have her in his life, something that surprised me.

But he was the one who later that day caught her talking on the phone with OM. Now, he's been running between rage and sadness.

The card he wrote and his gifts ended up in a trash bag she threw on the fire before she drove away. Pissed me off.
pwnc is offline  
post #112 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 06:39 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,713
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pwnc View Post
Whether it's working for an R or how to maintain your dignity and move on, I could write book on what not to do!

Yes, she told me once that it was her job to fix OM. At one point, she wanted me to just hang out here until she could fix him enough to get him to his family's hometown where he would be safe. Then she would come home and work on the marriage. Geez. Even said she was responsible for his problems.

She had a good relationship with my son. They got extremely close over the last two months. She was working overtime to charm and get close to my family. In fact, on Mother's Day, he wrote her a card talking about how she was like a mother and he was so happy to have her in his life, something that surprised me.

But he was the one who later that day caught her talking on the phone with OM. Now, he's been running between rage and sadness.

The card he wrote and his gifts ended up in a trash bag she threw on the fire before she drove away. Pissed me off.
THAT alone should tell you who she really is. Next time she throws that vagina at your face...

remember your son devastated by what she did. Try to get him some solid IC or try the school psychologist.

I let most things slide off my back.... that though... I would have addressed. But I would not recommend you

to... unless you are 100% over with her. If you are not fully over her... it just leads to drama and

schitstorms.

Funny how she and many other WS act as if everything is peachy and wonderful and.... DDay

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
post #113 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 07:41 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 127
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post

I let most things slide off my back.... that though... I would have addressed. But I would not recommend you

to... unless you are 100% over with her. If you are not fully over her... it just leads to drama and

schitstorms.

Funny how she and many other WS act as if everything is peachy and wonderful and.... DDay
Son is twenty. Because I raised him, he says he looks out for me. Good thing he listened in on the phone call, otherwise I might still be in limboland. She told her friend that she was pissed at my son. That he ruined it all. She planned on us splitting in a friendly way months from now.... translation (based on what I've heard) when OM had saved up some dough.

One thing I did differently this time, I told all of my family and our friends that she left for another man. I had protected her before when I thought we might work out. Telling everyone is sort of an insurance policy for me. It makes it highly unlikely that she'll show her face here again or try to fight me on the separation agreement. She told me that she couldn't bare it if people knew.
pwnc is offline  
post #114 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 07:51 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,713
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

She was pizzed at your son..... awww poor ba ba *eyeroll*

If you want a good laugh, I was 15 when I eavesdropped on pop talking to his XW and going to meet her.

I told mom... whole story is posted in my LaD thread... sometime Fall 2015. It's funny now but it wasn't then.

She felt secure with a Mr. Nice Guy / Mr. Fixer but deep down she wanted a "bad boy"

Thing is... a true bad boy pays his bills, answers to no one. This guy was mooching off her.

He is doing to her what she was doing to you BUT she thinks she is too clever to realize it

LOL ..... guess again

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
post #115 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 09:22 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,552
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pwnc View Post


She had a good relationship with my son. They got extremely close over the last two months. She was working overtime to charm and get close to my family. In fact, on Mother's Day, he wrote her a card talking about how she was like a mother and he was so happy to have her in his life, something that surprised me.

But he was the one who later that day caught her talking on the phone with OM. Now, he's been running between rage and sadness.

The card he wrote and his gifts ended up in a trash bag she threw on the fire before she drove away. Pissed me off.
What a horrible thing to do. She is a conniving, manipulative person. She purposefully drew you all in, including your precious son, without any real concern for anyone. All she was looking for was what she could get from all of you. Anyone who is purposefully mean to a child is not worth knowing, let alone having a relationship with.


For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is offline  
post #116 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 09:28 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 127
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

My son had the movie French Kiss on while I was working. I didn't mean to pay attention, but it's a TAM story like so many I've read!

Fiance guy goes on trip, falls in love with OW, fiance girl flies after the guy to get him back... stuff happens... girl learns to do 180, threatens breakup, fiance guy suddenly wants her back.... but.... fiance girl no longer wants it.... falls in love with another.

Some of it's cheesy, but it's a familiar plot.
pwnc is offline  
post #117 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-16-2016, 09:35 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,713
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pwnc View Post
My son had the movie French Kiss on while I was working. I didn't mean to pay attention, but it's a TAM story like so many I've read!

Fiance guy goes on trip, falls in love with OW, fiance girl flies after the guy to get him back... stuff happens... girl learns to do 180, threatens breakup, fiance guy suddenly wants her back.... but.... fiance girl no longer wants it.... falls in love with another.

Some of it's cheesy, but it's a familiar plot.
We call that Rom-Com..... romantic comedy.

Has Hollyweird ever depicted a true version of American culture? Nah... it just tries to shape it.

Posts, tweets, blogs, "reality news," "entertainment today" the key is... most mistake entertainment for reality

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
post #118 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 10:24 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 127
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
Are you still in counseling? How is that going?
I dropped IC when wife asked for MC. We went to MC three times. The counselor asked me to read a book about living with a spouse with borderline personality. W scolded me for not making an appointment for MC a couple of hours before she got caught. Guess I saved some money.

The threads that say that MC is useless when there's still an OM in the picture are right on. The reasons she gave for her unhappiness were all false -- her family, career, etc. Really, she was unhappy because she still had feelings for OM and couldn't figure out a way to be with him and have everyone's blessing, including mine.

Anyway, I need to get back into IC. It was doing good in terms of turning my focus inward. Too much of my energy has been on W and the situation.

Right now, it's like having worms in my brain. Just replaying scenes and dialogues over and over.

I feel really sad. I'm having trouble because (I know they care), but my family and friends won't give me time to just be alone. I know I'll be fine. I just need a little time in the woods. Need to get my head on straight.
pwnc is offline  
post #119 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 10:33 AM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,713
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

Just tell them.... true friends will understand. It's awful funny most of the time you played more a parental

role with her.... unless you made a decision on your own. They she tried to turn into your mother.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
post #120 of 312 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 03:29 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 127
Re: Walk away spouse and finances.. advice?

A buddy called and asked me to go hiking this evening. So, I will get in the woods today albeit not alone.

I was naive in thinking this would be easy because of my anger at the situation. It was easier in the first few days. It's difficult now. I feel sad and the things I'm trying just don't kick it. I'll get out of this, but not as easy as I thought.

Off to the woods.
pwnc is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
If your dealing with a Walk Away Spouse Thumper General Relationship Discussion 39 08-03-2013 06:00 PM
Walk away spouse Lost guy The Ladies' Lounge 21 11-06-2012 10:23 PM
Do you have full disclosure with your spouse regarding finances? Tommy509 Financial Problems in Marriage 32 09-12-2012 08:20 AM
Finances when spouse is laid off with severance package tukkapono Financial Problems in Marriage 6 09-07-2012 02:41 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome