I've been casually dating a guy who has been legally separated and living apart from his ex for 3 years, and his divorce is finally final. It was a very ugly divorce and he was very moody and unpredictable during this time. He seemed calm but a bit sad when we had dinner the night the divorce became final. I haven't heard from him since that day and it's been about one week which is very weird because we talk several times throughout the week. We're both professionals with demading jobs and we both have children. I have one child and he has three. Wishing to get some opinions on whether he might be depressed and I should continue giving him his space or if he might be trying to tell me something with his silence? Thanks for any help. Very sad about the turn of events.
Depends. But you have to understand that he married her and loved her even though it didn't work out. Hate to be so straightforward but you are not as important to him right now because he wasn't over his marriage. Always a danger dating a guy or gal too soon. Plus, being a rebound sucks.
Give him time, but imo, you'd be better off moving on. If later after he has figured out himself wrt the marriage, try again. But for now, his marriage will be a problem for the relationship. Posted via Mobile Device
They don't even know what they feel. I was dating my husban for 3 years while he was going through a contentious divorce. I had never married and while I was understanding through all of the mishaps and missteps by him and the wife, when it was final I made my needs known.To be married was what was best for me and not him. Two years later and he has left the building. Would I do it again, hellz yeah...I did what was best for me, and I got what I wanted. It just didn't last ;o( But I will be fine with this too. Your friend is out sowing his oats of freedom. It all depends on what you want out of life and your friendship with him.
Men are probably the same as women are. We may be two different sexes, but we're all human beings and we hurt when we go through something like this regardless of the circumstances. Posted via Mobile Device
I think that he should be talking to you if he cares for you. You should not assume anything in this situation. I have seen too many times someone basing a decision on wrong assumptions and things turn out bad for no reason. I would talk to him whenever he is ready to open up. Maybe it is not what u think. On the other hand, it is wrong of him to not have at least asked u to give him sime time and not just go no contact with you; that is certainly not a reaction from someone who cares for you. But i would get the facts first. Posted via Mobile Device
Depends. But you have to understand that he married her and loved her even though it didn't work out. Hate to be so straightforward but you are not as important to him right now because he wasn't over his marriage. Always a danger dating a guy or gal too soon. Plus, being a rebound sucks.
Give him time, but imo, you'd be better off moving on. If later after he has figured out himself wrt the marriage, try again. But for now, his marriage will be a problem for the relationship. Posted via Mobile Device
You think I'm still considered a rebound even though we've been dating for 3 years? Posted via Mobile Device
They don't even know what they feel. I was dating my husban for 3 years while he was going through a contentious divorce. I had never married and while I was understanding through all of the mishaps and missteps by him and the wife, when it was final I made my needs known.To be married was what was best for me and not him. Two years later and he has left the building. Would I do it again, hellz yeah...I did what was best for me, and I got what I wanted. It just didn't last ;o( But I will be fine with this too. Your friend is out sowing his oats of freedom. It all depends on what you want out of life and your friendship with him.
I do love him but not sure what this silence is about. Posted via Mobile Device
Men are probably the same as women are. We may be two different sexes, but we're all human beings and we hurt when we go through something like this regardless of the circumstances. Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks for your opinion. Hope he knows he can talk to me like he always has! Posted via Mobile Device
I think that he should be talking to you if he cares for you. You should not assume anything in this situation. I have seen too many times someone basing a decision on wrong assumptions and things turn out bad for no reason. I would talk to him whenever he is ready to open up. Maybe it is not what u think. On the other hand, it is wrong of him to not have at least asked u to give him sime time and not just go no contact with you; that is certainly not a reaction from someone who cares for you. But i would get the facts first. Posted via Mobile Device
He's gone "quiet" on me for a few days before, but this is the longest he's done it for. Posted via Mobile Device
What do you want from this man at this time? If you only want to talk and you pose no threat to his new status, then relay that to him and do not pressure him into making any new decisions. If you want more and think you are ready for a committment from him, then you may have to ask who you love more...him or YOU.
Tell him you love him and you're there if he needs to talk, then carry-on. Expect that his emotions are going to be a little freaky for a while and try to not read too much into them; try not to be threatened by them; try not to assume these oddball moods are a clear indication of who he "really" is. People aren't at their best when dealing with divorce. He probably needs your patience now more than anything else. In a perfect world, he would have cleared up his old mess first, learned and grown from it, before embarking on a new relationship. That didn't happen, so you two are trying to dance when the floor still has broken furniture and dead bodies laying around. I expect there to be some stumbling and awkward moments.
Some people take a long time to get over a relationship and especially a marriage if they've been married for any extended period of time.
Probably the completion of the divorce finally sank in and he's going through an emotion trauma. If you were going through a roller coaster relationship while he was separated, then he still had some hopes of a reconciliation.
Unfortunately you were the leaning post, the shoulder to cry on, the standby if you will. I don't mean to say this to be hurtful, but I've been there, done that.
The ray of hope is that if you've been there for him and been very supportive of his needs. Chances are once he gets over this feeling, he may come right back to you.
Let just say that YOU have the first shot at it. Hang in there for a while longer and see where it takes you. Don't give up just yet.
I'd give it a couple of months and if nothing changes, then go on your way. There may be the trauma stage, the crying stage, the denial stage and hatred stage .. and then he'll be over it.
Does he have children? Maybe he is trying to be around them more for now. Like kauaiguy said, give him some time. Then if nothing happens, move on. It is really tough. My daughter came over today to talk to her mother. Mend relationships. I have not cried during my whole ordeal but when i saw her today heartbroken and crying when she was leaving and saying bye go me, i broke down a little bit. So it comein waves. When reality hits things seem to be more real, harder to handle. Give him some time. You can try to reach out to him but dont smother him. Posted via Mobile Device
Are men depressed when it's over or happy? 
