So I'm sitting on my deck, again the sounds, view everything made me cry again..(I should keep my eyes on my ereader, maybe I wouldn't cry)..but I looked up and remembered, hence the tears. My husband came out and said, "oh luv, I hate to see you cry"....my answer "so go back in the house". He pulled up a chair, put his hand on my knee and said "after all that's happened, could you imagine yourself still living here"? My reply was "Yes G. I can, because I love you that much". "Even though I've asked you and your daughter to leave"?..."Yup, because I love you THAT much". After thinking about it for a while, he stood up and said "wow, well this sucks".....
Tell me ppl...wtf does that mean?
For the first time since all this happened, I layed in my bed imagining him saying "I was such a fool, please stay"....for the first time I said the words in my head "No."....Imagine that! Me saying "No, I can't stay"....something clicked in my head last night, one minute I'm telling him "yes I'd stay"...now last night and even now, I don't believe I could stay. I don't know what it was, but I do know my daughter and I deserve better....
I've spent the last month crying, throwing up, packing....and now today, him allowing me to think "wtf" about what he said, has made me think "why WOULD I stay with a man who has hurt me this deeply"....geez, took me long enough?
It's a process. Sadly you can't stop caring about someone overnight. Most people look past the bad things, even the REALLY bad things when they love someone. It takes a while to be like "wait a minute..."
He doesn't want you and he has told you in so many words. The fact that he's telling you in a faux sympathetic way is just so he can nurture his illusion of being the good guy whose relationship ended because "you" left. Whatever. This is still no different from yelling at you and throwing you out.
I don't know what happened, but it doesn't sound like a healthy environment for you or your daughter. What do you stand to gain by staying? What do you think will happen if you stay?
It doesn't matter how long it has taken you to come to this realization, what is important is you have, and in doing so you have taken back some of the power that you have given to him.
You are absolutely right...you DO deserve better. You and your daughter both. Posted via Mobile Device
Wow, what an a-hole! What is he looking for from you, sympathy and agreement that its for the better if you leave? Geez, go find yourself someone who sees and appreciates who you are - you do deserve better. Or dont but you need to be away from him for you and your daughter. I know it is difficult, especially when you still care for him. Posted via Mobile Device
You guys simply make me smile....because your words are very true. I think he's feeling very guilty for asking us to leave, as I really didn't do or say anything to warrant us having to leave. I think he wants me to "pretend" I'm ok, so that he feels better. I will never be "ok" again thanks to this. I will not trust another man, and I feel bad for the next guy who's going to have so many walls to break down....if there ever is a next one. I am going to focus on our move, and simply enjoy my daughter. She's this little sarcastic 12yr old, who makes me laugh even when I don't want to...God love her.
It's not easy to regain trust. Give yourself time to heal. Not all men are untrustworthy. How you distinguish one from another is not possible to do becuase at first they will all want to be what you want them to be. But, you can see subtle things in their character that might point you in the right path to trust another man. All in due time if it is what you want and God willing. I truly believe that it is luck that you find "the one". And that means that it CAN happen. Allow yourself time to be you but, try to not deny yourself the joy that love brings being with someone else, with the right someone else. Thing is, relationships take hard work and commitment from both sides and if you find that other person who is willing to make the same commitment as you, then it'll work out. I know I am ranting, I would just hate to see you stay untrusting towards men to the point where you deny yourself the possibility of feeling truly loved again. That, to me, would be a hard place to be for an indefinite amount of time. But I do understand where you are now. Heck, I am still there, but I let myself hope. This forum has helped me to understand that there are woman out there that feel as I do and had the same commitments to their marriage and wedding vows as I did. So it gives reinforces hope for me. God Bless.
I wouldn't even call it 'trust'. I'd call it compassionate vigilance or maybe heavily armed pacifism. If your husband or wife steps out on you and through some kind of magic you two get back together, it's not going to be what it was before. First off it wasn't the way it was before before. One of you was lying to the other. So that's not a goal. Secondly, you were messed up as a couple which lead one of you to lie and cheat and be a ho or man-ho. So....who wants that.
No, I'd say that wherever you end up post-affair is where you're supposed to wind up. A little older, a little wiser, a little banged up. It's a like a car I used to own for a short time. I had one of those VW-Porsche 914's that suffered from somewhat typical engine fires. When I got it back from repair I never drove it the way I previously did. I had discovered its engineering limits.
RLD, as for returning to the same spouse, I see your point. I don't think there is a way to get that trust back. But, if it is with a new person, you really don't know what will happen so you have to learn to open up your heart and trust again. Easier said then done, I know but really, trust is the very foundation of a great relationship. If that breaks, there are serious, probably irrepairable issues. I am not really sure that GT really meant trusting her ex again though; maybe I missed something.