Sorry cause H and I are both non-native English speakers. Actually, his FB message was written in his own language which I have limited grasp of, so I used google translate - and it was what I posted, "This raining today, I now missing someone special made me"
Yesterday, I asked a native speaker (a 'non-stakeholder', mind u) to translate it - and with all the nuances of the language not caught by Google translate, here's the non-literal explanation "People usually hate it when it's raining but not me, because it reminds me of her, my love whom I haven't seen in a while." The native speaker explained to me that the specific verbs used made it sure that this isn't referred to as someone in the present, in English, it translate to plain missing, which could be redundant and refer to anyone. But the verb he used indicates that the person he is missing hasn't been with him for quite some time. Also, the love he was talking about here is a romantic domestic-partnership type love. It has the keyword idiom "plastic bag wrapper" which pertains not just to someone special but someone whom he lived with.
The message he sent to me is on my own language which my husband isn't fluent in. So I'm not really sure what he meant and I would be biased if I translate it. But my language has lesser nuances and less romantic as his. So, it is just plain missing for me. Posted via Mobile Device
YBG, I'm not trying to be pessimistic at all, but it seems to me like you imagination is causing you all kinds of confusion here.
If he truly misses YOU, and he wants to be with you, and you want to be with him, then why aren't you two with each other?
You can't have a relationship unless both people want to be in it and I'm just trying to help you to move forward with your own life, and realize that you deserve more than to be left waiting for him to "maybe" decide to give it another shot with you.
I won't comment on your thread anymore because I don't think I have anything to add to what has already been said, I just think there comes a time when you need to let go of the people that have stopped loving you. Good luck whatever path you take I honestly do hope it works out for you and you find the love that your heart so badly wants.
OMG Lon, I'm so sorry. Please don't leave my thread. Please, I need your comments. They're very, very helpful to me. You are such a great inspiration for me.
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I have gotten nothing but flak from most people here, but I can't really blame people because everyone is like miserable obviously being in this section of the website. I understand, everyone is hurting.
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Anyway, one reason why I'm so disgusted with this whole giving up so easily is when I see people who have been married so many times and still cannot find the one for them. Like my landlord, very lovely woman, only 40+ and married thrice with children from different fathers. Now, still hoping that she'll eventually find the right one for her who would love her tenderly.
One counselor told me that maybe in my culture women have little self-respect trying stick with someone who already said he's finished. I think, people in Western culture have little self-respect, if any going through this extremely simplified 4-step grieving process, first you deny, then your sad, then your mad, and then you accept and literally jump to the next available d*ck. That I think is my definition of someone who has no self-respect. Because I am pretty sure, you'll be needing to move on from that d*ck because you think that you deserve better.
In our culture, we are taught to be very polite, but if you insult it, then I won't hold back and fight for it.
When my husband and I got married it was really complicated nor just because of the cuktural differences and between each other's country but also because there are two things to resolve, that is find us a godfather and one godmother, they are people who are resonsible to keep us together no matter what. The consul in his embassy in my country is one and his wife the other. But unforunately, that time, his family hasn't fully accepted me to be their daugther in low, but my husband stuck by me. someone should also act as the guardian of my husband since we're below 25 yo at that time. So, the consul becomes my husband guardian and while losing him to be our Godfather. Because everythings happening so fast, the consul introduce a man from my husbands country who is also married to a local to act as our Godfather.
In my country, the godfather/godmother is really responsible to help the couple stay together and you should do this without asking for money or anything. It is ones civil duty to protect this marriage and if you are theist, this is your duty to God.
Now, my husband's culture doesnt have that emphasis on the godfathers, but they have a law that protects women from bing left by their husbands.. You both agree on a specific amount and when the husband wants to leave without reason, he should pay that amount to the woman or else he'll be put to jail. My husband propose a ridiculously huge amount which he knows he can never afford in his life, it's like 2,000,000 $. He did that so there's no way we could ever separate in our lives.
The new guy I dated but just now friends told me that he can help me get that money or send my husband to jail, because it the law... But i said no, i love him and i believe that there's still a chance. I dont like money anyway. Posted via Mobile Device
I said I wouldn't say anything more, so I won't, but I found some old comments that you made and wonder if you've reflected on those comments since making them:
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I'm also tired.. I can only give it my best shot but that's as far as I can do.
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Wow Tim, that seems like a lot! I am not sure if love is enough for you to consider taking her back. Well, unless u can really see and feel utmost repentance on her side then look think hard if you can forgive and forget, cause as u said those images may haunt you forever.
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Now I am accepting that this is the ONLY solution left. Give him his stupid Freedumb and maybe just maybe he will find out that the grass is on the other side is not really greener but dead. As for me, I have two choices, to stay waiting for him or to move on.
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I don't know, right now i feel i would be a million times happier if only only i could have one more night with him as my husband. i wish i was a bit nicer to him so maybe just maybe he could have stayed much longer.
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I still love my husband more than ever but when he wants to be free and not married anymore, what can I do? It's so painful, painful that I thought I could die from the pain, but I wonder why I am still alive.
I guess "You really can't die from a broken heart."
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After my entire hope for a one last chance was quashed yesterday, I have also decided to give up, let go, and move on with my life. Taking off my wedding ring is one of the most painful things that I have ever done but I just have to do.
I am crying a river while typing this. Today marked the first day I have really given up.
I have sent a short e-mail to my husband telling him that I have let him go and he is free, which is what he always wanted. It is do damn painful but I am not hoping anymore. If ever there is a hope that he will come back, then it's not up to me anymore.
During this time I feel like dying, I hope I don't wake anymore and just die. It's so painful to let go of someone I still love so much. But I can't do anything about it. I have to let go.
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My husband said he needs one month to think whether he wants to come back or not but most likely from our discussion in the MC, he's not coming back. He tried to act cooly in front of the counselor and he made me look like a fool.
His mind seems to be dead sure that he doesn't love me anymore and he wants to be free.
I guess it's over for us. I am giving up.
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One friend told me that no kind words, encouragement, counseling, and moral support can really help me with getting my husband back if he really doesn't want to.. She joked that unless we kidnapped him, tie his limbs, drive him back to my flat - there is really no way to have him back.. I might feel a bit better each day but if he is not with me, then the problem is still there.
and then of course this one:
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maybe i'll just spend the rest of my life waiting for him to change his mind.. I still love him after all he's put me through and anytime he wants to come back, he is the most welcome -- however of course I pretend otherwise...
Oh my.. I wrote this. Yes, thank you Lon for helping reflect. This is true. I should I let go of my husband. I deserve someone better. There's bound to be someone better who will love me the same way as I love him.. Yeah.. It is true. I'll go to counselling and work on my issues and yes, I'm gonna find that one true love for me, because it can't be my husband, definitely it just can't be him, right?
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Seriously, I wrote those last year when my husband first and since he came back, I certainly have no regrets winning him back. Because I managed to spend 2 more months with him and it's all worth it. This time, when he comes back, he could decide to stay shorter or longer or even forever, but that doesn't matter for me. Each day with my husband is a day a blessing from God.
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Actually, amidst all the negativities, one cousin's advice helped me, the only one that really worked for me. He said that whenever I'm feeling sad, depressed and worried that my husband will never come back, just try to imagine him already back in the future. That you are a happy family with children and all that. Would you want to look back at your miserable self right now, or would you rather have heaps of stories to tell with your husband that you became a better person while he was away, because for sure he will have new experiences to tell you.
My cousin, he told me that my husband is just like his wife who had a scarred childhood always wondering if the grass is greener on the other side.. Well, they're still quite different because his wife left him for a lowly farmer (while my cousin is a CEO of a giant company), while my husband still can't shake off his childhood upbringing that extramarital sex is an evil thing. Well, my cousin's wife eventually returned realising that her farming phase is over, literally! Of course, she will return to you because you are rich, you're a CEO and you live in the most expensive accommodation in town. And he replied, "Then you just have to be successful like me."
Although, it's easier for a successful man to attract a woman than the other way around, I am deeply aware that in my husband's culture - education, prestige, job type and security are also critical factors in choosing a mate. Physical appearance is of course is in that list, but I never had any problems with that anyway.
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Btw, I think there's a significant progress with this 'goal' yesterday. I just don't want to post it here yet because someone will surely say something like this..
That is imagining things because I'm a goddamn native speaker of any language in this world Past tense.. It's nothing.. Maybe it's not his FACEBOOK account
I wish everyone a great day because mine will be awesome!!
Yourbabygirl, if you are this committed to your "husband", you should be studying his language.
Seriously. You are relying on Google Translate to interpret all the intricacies of language?
Yeah. Good luck with that.
I can understand and speak it a bit.. and that's why I'm befriending this guy who volunteered to teach me his language. The problem with what he posted is that it was filled with heaps of idiomatic expression that only a native speaker will understand.
Actually my husband and I communicate in 5 different languages, 3 of which fluently. And I guess that's a feat on its own. And just a hint, these are languages of extremely distinct origins, not like Spanish and Portuguese or Italian.
Yeah right.. so funny already. whatever i say here, someone is bound to find fault in it.
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Anything I say here will just be interpreted in any of the following:
- Message was sent wrongly.
- Someone hacked into husband's account and send the message
- Kim Jong Il rose from his deathbed to send the message
- Space alien hypnotised husband to send that message
- The FBI paid Google Translate a million dollars to screw up translation whenever I'm using it.
- NSA has applied Hyperelliptic curve pairing algorithms and actually the message is a highly classified code of the government.
- Husband is a chimera, his mom experienced the vanishing twin syndrome when he was still a fetus.. The dead twin is talking.
- 'In Icelandic language '(Message)' is interpreted as anal probe
- '(Message)' is a euphemism for hookers.
- The world is flat
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I don't like Dalai Lama at all, but he had this very nice quotation: "If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them."
There are a hundred men and women on this site who wants to give up and move on. Why are u preaching here? Just because someone else wants an alternative solution, doesn't mean you also have to follow! And respect other people's culture as well!!
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Actually, at first I'm getting annoyed with your comments, but now I look forward to read them because they're really laughable
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Today, my husband told me - "let me have some happy moments again with you."
See above list for possible explanations.. Oh yeah, I forgot, husband is possibly being hostaged by AlQaeda and this is AlQaeda chief talking to me. Oh maybe the it was Kim Jong Il after all. Oh no... "happy moments" in a certain Native American tribe in Arizona actually means the opposite thing.
Yup, I don't have an exhaustive list of how you interpret things but I'm sure you're just gonna find an excuse about this!
Until he says "I love you, let's live together and be married again, i want to be with you for the rest of my life" in whatever language he chooses, nothing he says means anything except that he wants to keep you hanging on in case he decides he wants you back. Or he's horny and thinks you might be easy enough to get into bed. Posted via Mobile Device
Lyris, my husband and I have nothing to prove to you. You're not the Pope and you don't set the standards for this.
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Anyway, just FYI, set-back again after the progress -- didn't reply to him on his message of missing till today and when I chatted with him, he clearly isn't in the mood of missing me. Just quick, prompt and the usual exchange of hi, how are u? Just wrong timing.
I think it's still pretty raw.
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New guy is now my new ally. Finally convinced him to help me with my husband. I told him, you know I can never pay you back, and only God will, you know what's right and you know God doesn't like divorce, doesn't like 2 people married under his name to be separated by anyone. New guy agreed and said he'll do his best to help me and my husband get back together. I don't know exactly what he could do but one person from his country who can vouch for me is a very big development. God bless him!
New guy is now my new ally. Finally convinced him to help me with my husband. I told him, you know I can never pay you back, and only God will, you know what's right and you know God doesn't like divorce, doesn't like 2 people married under his name to be separated by anyone. New guy agreed and said he'll do his best to help me and my husband get back together. I don't know exactly what he could do but one person from his country who can vouch for me is a very big development. God bless him!
yourbabygirl, I like this approach A LOT, and I think you are on the right path here.
Your husband has been very wishy-washy and uncertain about whether or not he wants to be with you. I have to think that having a boyfriend who will help you with your husband for free is the perfect way to give him a sense of urgency about the marriage.
The Bible makes it very clear that God wants people to be married, and if it takes an extra person being involved to keep a couple married, well, that's just the way it is.
I do have some suggestions, and I hope you will appreciate them in the spirit they are offered to you.
Keep him guessing. Guys simply cannot resist women being mysterious and changing their mind constantly. Send him messages during the week, and then give him the silent treatment over the weekend. If he asks you what you did while you were not talking to him, give him vague answers.
Make sure that he knows he is welcome to come back to you, but that you have expectations, and that he needs to treat you good. Over the course of this thread, you have mentioned being super-nice to him and showering him with gifts. If he moves back in, make sure he understands that its payback time, and he needs to return your kindness at least twice as much.
Find an opportunity to mention your new guy to your husband. Nothing motivates a husband to change his marriage with his wife like the knowledge that she is making friends with other men. This will alter your situation drastically.
I think things are definitely progressing for you, and I have to believe that you will soon have the marriage that you deserve!
I'm not trying to set any standards. I'm telling you a truth about human behaviour. If someone wants to be with you, they will. Dress it up any way you want, he knows you want him back and he's not coming back. If you want to waste your time hanging around waiting, I guess that's your choice. I just think its a sad way to live the only life you get. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: My husband left me but I am NOT giving up 
Of course, she will return to you because you are rich, you're a CEO and you live in the most expensive accommodation in town. And he replied, "Then you just have to be successful like me." 
Just quick, prompt and the usual exchange of hi, how are u? 
Just wrong timing.
