If you want to live the rest of your life fighting off moving on, it is your life to live that way.
If you want to sit around and let someone else dictate how you are going to live, by waiting on them to "figure themselves out" and come back to you, so be it.
I think you, as a person are worth more than that though.
I'm not just waiting. I'm actually gonna do something to get him back! Please don't make this my battle against proving my detractors wrong, because I clearly need all my energy to get my husband back.
When it comes to my career, I'm doing awesome, don't worry, I just won a very prestigious National Scientist Award.. Hobbies? I'm learning 3 foreign languages right now. so don't pity me that I'm wasting my time waiting in the corner all miserable and soppy.
Sorry, I don't mean to be rude. Thanks for dropping by. I just need support and no more of the negatives!
I don't care what u call it.. I don't know what your stories are, but this is my thread and I am asking u to just respect my wishes. Now, if I go to your thread, I'll do the same. Just be sensitive about this, because this is already difficult for me even without the sarcasm and flak that I am receiving from u.
If you want to move on, I'm not gonna stop u. But I have a different perspective, and I have asked repeatedly that I don't want any kind of negative energy. Since u are also in this section of the website, then u must also have some problems with your marriage, and you have your own way of dealing with your problems, but PLEASE, I'm asking u to show just a bit of respect.
Anyway, sorry I do get carried away by my emotions.
Btw, here are some of the signs why I'm still holding on in spite of everything:
1) Last week of March, I received a post-card from his brother-in-law with the greeting "Happy (very important festival of my husband's country) to you and your beautiful wife and may God blessed you with many children! May you have very prosperous year!"
I know, he talks to his sister weekly, because they are rather closed. If he has really decided to leave me permanently then he would probably have told them by now. As Traggy said, it has already been a year.
2) When he left the 2nd time, I have challenged him to start the divorce procedures because of my nationality, (I cannot ask for divorce because we don't allow divorce in my country) but my husband has the right to divorce me. It's a 5-minute procedure for him. I've asked him to give me the papers several times but then he always replies, "Your bothering me too much. You are annoying." He told me I should start the procedure and not rely on him, but he knows it very well that my country DOES NOT AND WILL NEVER ALLOW DIVORCE.
3) Why did he reject the young girl who was in love with him? Now that we're far away from each other, this is his chance of dating again and be "happy" (what he claims), but no -- he stays inside his room all day doing only God-knows whatever. Remember, this girl works 6-days a week at the front-desk of his dorm so she's pretty reliable with her information.
This is me looking for divine providence signs I'm not even taking this seriously..
4) I joined a speed dating session last March. There were like a hundred participants. The reason why it's such a big group is because it is also networking tool for professionals, not just for searching for mates. Out of the 50 guys that I have talked to, only three have expressed their interest on me. Well, two of them are from husband's country (which I wasn't really aware of) because I don't want to be racist and ask where a person is from just because of his colour. And yup, I am now dating one of them I can really feel that I'm like a "Jennifer Aniston" in their eyes and that makes me happy and it boost my confidence that when my husband sees me again, he could fall in love again.
Yup, this guy I'm dating, he is ok, good looking, intelligent (and even from the same country) but he can never be like my husband. People always say, you'll find someone better. I could settle for just an ok guy, but I know deep my heart I can also never be fully happy with him. We can never have that kind of connection. I could be nice to him but I'll NEVER love him. I can't!!
wow, I feel like I should say something but I don't know what.
Sorry if this sounds offensive, its not directed at you personally, just the whole situation - it sounds plain crazy to me.
Your ex H has withdrawn from you and everybody, hasn't told his family he's separating from you, doesn't have the energy to put into any other relationships (cause the one with the girl he left you for is over), is too lazy to file for divorce and you are actually in a relationship with someone else.
I don't care what culture you are from, this is just silly. Stop holding out for him to come back, just put your love into the current relationship you have - how unfair is it to this new guy that you would just cast him aside if your H comes back to you? Plenty people move on without getting an official divorce, just live separated for the remainder of their life.
Don't get me wrong, I'm very generous to this new guy.. But he is extremely stingy and he is clueless to the proper dating protocols (your typical BBT-geek). I know he's a good person and a looker, but if this is what people are saying that "you deserve someone better" then I'm not feeling that all.
One time, new guy asked me to attend this "special event" in another town with him and another colleague of his. It was a grueling 3-hour drive and they don't have a car and so I have to drive. No complaints with that except when I have to refuel, they didn't even offer to pay for the petrol. Then, on the way back, I hinted that I'm kinda hungry hoping that at least they'll treat me McDonalds (or coffee), and he just said, "I'm not hungry, you go ahead and buy your food."
Then another time, we went to this new restaurant and we're already inside and when he saw the menu that it's quite pricey, he said again "I'm not hungry, you go ahead and buy your food." I ended up paying for him.
When we go to bars, the same thing happens, "I don't want to drink, you go ahead and buy your for yourself."
So you might ask, why the hell am I still dating this dude? Well, he teaches me my husband's language and I can continue learning about my husband's culture even if we're not together. And I don't think I'm being unfair to new guy, for one he's got a driver and he can get a date without spending a dime.
Find someone else who will offer you that love you really deserved! Geezz!! So, new guy just stood me up for our date. Not even a goddamn phone call probably because he still doesn't have any call or text credit. Oh well.. It's not like it's gonna weigh me down. In fact, I'm taking it as a positive sign that maybe just maybe this is already divine intervention.
Before I met my husband, I dated like a hundred men (fyi, dating in my culture doesn't mean having sex, because I don't want to sound like a **** here). Well, I would say that I never had any connection with any of those men, here is partial list: drug user, drug dealer, alcoholic, poor hygiene, racist, 1 foot shorter than me, gambler, drunk driver, unemployed for years, and dozen misers, etc.. So, when I met my husband, it's not just that there's nothing wrong with him, but he's just perfect. We had absolutely good chemistry, amazing sex, we're intellectually compatible,...
Now, it seems like I'm stuck with these kind again and since I'm doing statistics for a living, I know that by sheer probability theory, it might take me at least another hundred men before I'll find someone whom I can like.
Honestly, I think it's still easier to get my husband back than to date another hundred losers where I might end up being raped or killed. Just being logical about the whole thing.
What I don't understand is that if you want your H back so bad why you are playing the field at all.
If your H is aware that you are playing the field what that tells him is that you think you can do better than him and no man wants to feel like second place in their W's eyes. Your H will feel like he is just one of a bunch.
And that goes both ways, why would you want to feel like something less than ideal to your H? By leaving you he is telling you that you're not his ideal.
Stop playing the field until you are actually ready to, which means letting your H go, otherwise you are in relationship limbo and that gets nobody anywhere. I hope you have found an IC that is able to help you sort through all this.
take care YBG, I hope you can find some comfort and direction...
Thanks, I appreciate it.. But it's really difficult to explain this.
I've been with 5 different counselors and I haven't really found anyone who understands my situation. It's not like I'm feeling bad and can't eat or sleep or work, because I'm really fine, except that I just want my husband back.
When my husband and I did MC before (first time he left), one counselor just screwed us big time. I was very adamant that I want my husband back, and my husband also won't bulge that he doesn't want to return. So, the stupid MC just said, "It takes 2 people to have a marriage and only 1 to destroy it." Like WTF!!! Duh, Captain Obvious!! But that's not fair to me because what I asked for is a marriage counselor who would help us reconcile not tear us apart. I felt like they're ganging up on me and my husband realised this so he said, "I might consider coming back, so you don't need to insult her."
It's very clear to me, he still loves me but he is just confused about the whole situation, so what a real MC should do is NOT take everything at face value, someone who would dig at the real issues, because I know my husband here is the one who has more issues to resolve.
I don't consider this as playing the field. More of like having a friend and just going with the flow and looking for signs and guidance from 'above'. But so far, all signs are pointing that this new guy is really not the one for me. I know, it doesn't necessarily mean that my husband is the one, but at least, it also doesn't mean that my husband is NOT the one for me.
Husband posted on his Facebook wall: "It's raining. I'm missing someone special now." We had lots of memories kissing under the rain.. And he doesn't have any other girlfriend before me.. Am I wrong to assume that it's me??? PLease tell me it's me..