How do you get over feelings of rejection?
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Old 10-16-2008, 07:48 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How do you get over feelings of rejection?

I posted elsewhere in this forum about my husband leaving me by email after 30 years of marriage. (He sent me an email and moved out while I was at work) About a week later, I found out that he was shacking up with a biker chick he has known for two months.

Now, for some dumb reason it is just sinking in that the person I have been with and shared things with for the past 33 years (including the time we dated) does not want to be a part of my life anymore - or for me to be a part of his. I don't know how many times at work I've wanted to email him with something funny or just a general comment and have to stop myself, thinking, oh yeah, he left me, he is with someone else, he doesn't care anymore. I'm having some trouble wrapping my head around this. I think "how dare he leave me for someone else?" and then I start to get mad. And he still has not actually spoken to me, just sends email - he said that yeah, we will have to meet/talk one of these days. It's like I really don't exist to him anymore. He did come by and pick up our 15 year old daughter for an afternoon (got a bite to eat and went to the mall with her). She doesn't know about his "girlfriend" yet.

How can I get past these feelings of rejection?
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Old 10-16-2008, 09:13 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you get over feelings of rejection?

Well, there is no magical pill for this. Center on yourself. Hobbies, getting into shape etc. Anything that is about you. Get a bit of counciling and start a journal.

We are always here for you too.

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Old 10-17-2008, 09:11 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you get over feelings of rejection?

To be honest, you need to get past him as quickly as possible. Sorry, he is simply not worth the emotional baggage and pain you are suffering. To dump a 30 year marriage via email, move directly into another relationship with little or no contact to you is completely out of line and shows him to be a man of low character. To be angry with whim is fine, he deserves it. If you’ve not contacted a lawyer do so. Move any joint assets to where he can’t get to them. Do as Drac suggested and spend time working out, making friends and finding hobbies. Occupy your mind with things that interest you and your future. You have no future with him and if he came crawling back would you take him? You have the moral high ground here, things will be tough but you’ll be better off in the long run.
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Last edited by Amplexor; 10-17-2008 at 01:01 PM.
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Old 10-18-2008, 08:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you get over feelings of rejection?

Thanks for the ideas. Today is a much better day, I went to breakfast with my mom and then to the zoo with my daughter and her family and now I'm home just chillin' with my dogs (I have four, my husband didn't really like them and was grouchy to them too).

A couple of weeks ago he came up with some type of lame agreement -just emailed to me of course - that I have not responded to at all yet. It mentioned very little financial contributions from him which will not work at all. He said that I would have the house with all furnishings but I would also be responsible for all payments, taxes and upkeep and that on the day of the dissolution the deed would transfer to me. Well he can transfer it to me, but the bank is not going to let him off the note. I don't know how he expects me to pay all of our expenses on my income alone. We make about the same amount of money. I told him he could not just walk away from the debts and expenses of the household we shared for 30 years. I told him that since HE wanted out of the marriage it was not fair to change my or my daughter's lifestyle. He said he had no intentions of changing her lifestyle, but by leaving me dangling financially how could it not.

Also had some visitation ideas - how we would alternate having our daughter on the holidays. If he thinks I would let her spend the holidays with him and his "biker chick" he is out of his mind. He knows that Christmas Eve at my mom and dad's house is a big deal - since HE wanted to go, there is no way my daughter's holiday traditions will change. He'll have to come up some alternative. And had some crap that our daughter will be available on Sundays at 7 for a phone call - she has a cell phone - he can call her whenever he wants. He must have been looking at someone's divorce agreement (probably biker chick's) he was using all these legal terms: the parties, shall not annoy, harass, or molest? I asked him where all the legal terminology was coming from, he said he was watching the People's Court - yeah right.

I have contacted a lawyer and we do want to iron out an agreement, but I told him we need to take our time to come up with something we can both live with. I told him I can't afford to be hurt financially, since he didn't even want to try to fix things. My daughter and I have been going to counseling and she could not understand why her dad would not even consider going too to save the marriage. She doesn't know about "biker chick" yet. I told him he could spring that little detail on her - I had to tell her that he had moved out, I will not do all of his dirty work. My older daughter figured out that her dad left me for a girlfriend and she doesn't even want to speak to him.
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Old 10-20-2008, 08:39 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you get over feelings of rejection?

I’m glad you’ve contacted a lawyer. Your husband is trying to shirk all responsibility here, don’t let him. He doesn’t even appear to have any bond with your kids. You can’t let him walk away from the family as if it never existed. I hope your lawyer is a shark and “hubby” gets what’s coming to him. Good luck.
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Old 10-24-2008, 10:33 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you get over feelings of rejection?

Boy, I just keep getting more and more pissed off. I came home from work today and had a voice mail for my husband from his doctor's office asking him to call about the results of his blood work. That can only mean that he went for a checkup so he can get his Viagra prescription refilled. We had discussed this a couple of weeks before he left because he had one refill left and his prescription was about to expire. He didn't want me to call in the refill -yeah, right, probably because he already had. I already had my suspicions that he was cheating because there were fewer pills in the bottle he already had and I knew he hadn't had sex with me.

He really should have updated his contact information at his doctors - I didn't need to know this. But, since he is still on my insurance, I'm sure I'll see the claims hit for the exam, the blood work and probably even the prescription. What a nice touch. It sickens me to think of him in bed with another woman, but in the past year he had been pretty much lousy in bed - he got very lazy - and didn't want sex that often anyhow. I'm thinking he has been seeing this woman longer than two months.
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