d1221

Last week H moved out. I was back home from business trip on Saturday my family came to help me clean up trying to rent out the house. My mom went to store for me & seen him with OW and confronted him she was pissed off. I thx God I asked her to go to store because I was about to go. That was a blow to my stomach. Then yesterday I found pics he tried to wipe off computer with him and some other women over holidays. He lied saying this happened in Feb. I just laid on floor crying thinking how did I get here just faking being in marriage with me like nothing us wrong.

Then I texyed him saying he was a piece of wrk last week trying to sleep with me cheating on new skank already.

Ahhhhh feel like I am starting healing all over again and he just mives on. I think they r moving in together, he denies it I dont trust him at all.. I am soooo sad goodness.
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nodespair

Hi d1221, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a terrible time. I know what that "blow to the stomach" feels like my husband cheated on me 9 months ago. Now he has left for the 2nd time. All I can say to you is that it WILL get better. If he is not sorry and he doesn't want to be with you, let him go. He is an ass and he doesn't deserve you. Trust me he will get his. I know it is easier said than done but the first time my husband left I was devastated. He broke my hear by leaving, I couldn't eat couldn't sleep I would pace the house and over all I couldn't function so I know what it feels like. I didn't find out he was cheating until after he came back and that was yet another heartbreak. But you know what? He left again and I can function, it doesn't hurt as bad so be strong and know that the pain will eventually go away. If you need to cry, do it. Try to keep as occupied as possible. When my husband left the first time I did not have a job so that only made it more difficult, now I do so it helps to distract me. Be strong! This site really helps by gettin advice from others and reading about thier situations. Trust me it will get better

chaffy

my H has not admitted to having a OW but the more and more i think about things and how he reacts to certain questions it makes me really wonder...and one part of me wants to know if he does and the other part says it will only break my heart more to find that out..I feel for you..

this is a great place to get things out..we don't judge here..we just try to help and learn ourselves..

staircase

Oh man d, I am very sorry you're going through this as well. No one should have to go through this!

I don't mean to be flip, but I have to tell you the thought of my soon to be ex with another woman almost makes me laugh. There is NO WAY some other women is going to put up with the amount of crap I had to eat to keep that marriage barely afloat. God bless him if he finds someone who will do it.

d1221

I hate I seen pics the other night I had dreams I got in a fight with the girl I could care less about her. I just pray God take the images out of my mind and help heal and renew me. I did not realize how draining this process is. There are times I am fine and sometimes I am emotionally sensitive. I am trying to focus on reading more and journaling so I don't spend time in this place of dispair. I know I have to define my happiness and life now as single. He has been doing so for months..I just missed the memo.

I cannot compare his character or morals to things he has done and what he life will be.

I just want to thrive in this situation, move on and do great things with my life so he can look back and think dang I shoulda coulda woulda but it is already to late. None of us signed up to be in an open marriage at all.

This is a recovery and healing process especially for the spouses that have been cheated on!!!

hesnothappy

I am not sure cheating is in my situation, but I think it is...just have no proof. But I am trying to care less about anything to do with him and more of what is to happen with me. It is not easy,because women are feelers, we marry for the connection. Be strong and stay busy, life will be better by and by ;o)

WomanScorned

It's so hard to have to deal with the OW, especially when she's a pretty 21 year-old and you are a 42 year-old mother of two whose expiration date is at hand. NO way to compete with perky 21 year olds....sigh. My ex spent the day with his little tartlet yesterday, though he was vague and said only "I have something to do today." I asked him point-blank if he was going to be with her (God help me, I don't know why when I knew the answer) and he said yes. I hate that he's showing his two daughters that this kind of behavior is ok when he takes them along on his dates with her. Not sure how to address that with him.

My head is still spinning.....says he wants a separation in early April, moves out May 15, signs divorce papers on May 27......I'm still reeling. Not interested in trying to fix a 23 year relationship, not interested in being with me at all...I haven't run into the OW yet (I know who she is), but when I do I plan on 'thanking' her for ruining my marriage, taking away my best friend, and tearing apart a family. I'm so angry right now. I can deal with the sadness better than the rage. Not sure how to deal with the rage in a constructive manner that doesn't involve breaking things or hurting myself.

brighterlight

Is it me or have I just been on here too long? Why do I find myself wishing to be in science fiction world where human beings are seperated into two groups, the cheaters and the lifetimers? It's a perfect world for everyone.

The cheaters can have their little fun and just click with each other, have fun and be their happy little selves never to fraternize with the lifetimers so that there can be no deceit in a relationship. They can exchange lovers at a whim, have no concerns over family relationships, can go and have their lust fest whenever they please and well, just plain ole' deserve each other. They would live only in that realm and never venture into the other class of human. They would be very happy here and that is OK as long as they stay here...metaphorically speaking - THIS IS HELL.

And then there are the lifetimers (our group), where lifetime commitments, agreements, love, dedication, family relationships, and work is nurtured and valued, and frienships are formed between all of us with no concern or thought about infidelity, we respect each other and value the gift that we would all have, even for one another...metaphorically speaking - THIS IS HEAVEN.

Well, I woke up and we don't live there. I guess the jokes on us because we fall hard for our SO when we first meet them and never realize that we are holding them in one arm and the other arm is flipping the coin of destiny. Heads, you stay, tails, you don't make it together. 50/50 proposition. What a frickin' scary thought...AND THIS IS WHERE WE ARE - PURGATORY - not metaphorically speaking, this just is!

I think I am going to go back and read Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy (Inferno and Purgatory) again and start replacing some characters with people I've met. I know, pretty cruel, but I can amuse myself in a book. If any of you have not tried to read through it (it's not a simple read but quite entertaining and the most influential (fictional but based on bibilical interpretations) epic poem ever written about the journey of the soul towards God. Try it and put your favorite cheater in the place of some of the characters - you will feel better - I think. Once you read some of the penances and punishments in hell in that poem, you will probably feel a little disgusted but in some twisted way happy you put your favorite person (not) there.

OK, I got that off my chest. Time to move on and find those lifetimer friends. And I don't mean any initimate relationships, I mean, to hang around and just do fun, meaningful stuff with.

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"You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering."- Henri-Frederic Amiel