How soon is too soon after a separation?
My wife and I decided in the last few weeks to separate. If anyone is at fault for the failure of our 13 year marriage, I would say i take the brunt of it. I am a quiet, laid back type of guy. I don't communicate well and in turn, I don't give her the verbal attention she wants and deserves. In addition, I have an extremely low sex drive - hers is on the far end of the spectrum. We went to some counselling over the last month and after that we both realized that we love each other but aren't "in love" with each other, she is my best friend. I love her differently than any other person in my life but I guess that wasn't "in love." She is a beautiful woman, a fantastic mother to our children and generally pretty damn amazing. Part of the problem was the fact that i never verbalized that to her. I didn't let her know how I felt. During our conselling, it came out that she had developed an intimate online relationship with a guy that lives out of the country and that it has been going on for a few months. She said that she had not been in love with me for a few years and she had begun the mourning process of our relationship a long time ago. I guess I realized that things were going south about 4 months ago and a few weeks ago is when we decided that we were going to do an inhouse separation and will most likely divorce later down the road. My mourning process is just beginning. . .
The question I would like your feedback on . . . .I know she likes this guy a lot, she talks to him daily and was doing so for a few months. She says after she told him we separated, he voiced interested in coming to meet her. I want her to be happy but things have gotten rough the last several days as this guy is coming to town next week and she said she is meeting him. i will be away for the week for work so they will basically be hanging out at our house with the kids. I know we are separated but it still hurts like hell. . . and i am jealous that she developed such an intense relationship while ours was falling apart. There is a lot to process in this situation and now the new guy is coming into the picture just a few weeks after we made any decisions. I've had a few weeks to start coping, she says she has been for much longer. . . .that doesn't make it any easier on me. I want her to be happy but am I justified in feeling hurt that this new guy is physically coming into the picture so soon after our decision? She says she wants me to find someone that makes me happy. I can't even think about finding someone else right now, She has been my life for 13+ years, I can't slam close that chapter of my life. It will no doubt close I am pretty sure but I can't get my heart to agree to that. . . the emotions i feel are just so intense. Jealousy, hurt, sad, mad
I would appreciate any comments. Tell me I am justified . . . tell me it's not my place to worry about it now. . .tell me i have a right to feel the way i feel but still not my place to worry about it. Any advice on how to cope would really be helpful. Unfortunately I have very few friends and none that I can talk to about this as they are mutual friends. I am really alone in the situation.