sadand

Last week in MC I told H I was done with that counselingnts. There is no point if I want to stay in the marriage and he wa D. He thinks it will help us have a "friendly" divorce. I can't do it anymore, it is too hard, we make too much progress and then it doesn't change anything. Anyway, I said NO communication for a while. I know there are some practical things we need to do, but otherwise I needed a break. The first thing the next morning he sent me an email asking for information on something I know he could find himself. Then a text asking for something else he could also find somewhere else. I didn't respond for several days, I was away for a conference. I sent back a reply this afternoon and now nothing. He stayed at the house while I was away to take care of the pets.

Clinging

I don't know what it means but I know the feeling when you send a text or email and they don't respond to you, it is like a control thing on their part I think at least with my H.

did your H ever give you a good reason why he felt he needed a Divorce? Is he retired or still working? Do you think he is depressed?

How long have you been seperated? I know how hard it is to leave a long term marriage. I'm dealing with infidelity which makes matters worse.

sadand

He is only in his early 50's like me, still working and I think he is def depressed, but being treated for anxiety. He says "he doesn't love me any more". His friends are talking about how he doesn't spend time with them any more, he missed an important going away party a few weeks ago. Lots of stuff. He says he needs to be happy. How could leaving a long marriage make you happy when the marriage could use some fixing but I am certainly willing and working. I don't believe this is about infidelity but I am sorry that you are dealing with that

Clinging

is he on medication? Maybe that is causing him some problems.
Midl life crisis/male menopause - has he been checked for any of that stuff?

Does your husband express his feelings very well or is he "emotionally retarded" in other words can't express his feelings?

He hasn't filed for divorce yet so there is still hope, for now it is just words and he still comes around so isn't totally cutting you out of the picture. He might very well be depressed. Have you picked up any books on depression?

sadand

I have read a lot about depression, asked him to see someone besides our primary care doc. His IC is not licensed to prescribe meds. He has had a very stressful few years, lost a brother, I lost my Dad, I went back to school and I am working and our kids are both out of the house. COuld be lots of things but he won't consider any of that, just cut me out of his life. I just don't understand why he won't listen to me when I say I need a break from contact. I was really sad and heartbroken and now I am building up to angry and I don't want us to say things out of anger.

BigToe

I agree with you. If MC is not moving you both toward staying in the marriage there doesn't seem much point to continuing it. A friendly divorce will occur if both of you want it that way, not because of counseling.

sadand

I hope so. I do want to be able to be in the same place as him some day without crying or being angry. We both love our kids and families. I cannot imagine a day that I won't miss him and I agree with you about the couples counseling. It is a lot of work, that I need to do, but it is hard to do it with him,when all I want is to do it for our marriage

Jellybeans

Living together has got to be mad. Do either of you have plans to move out?

sadand

H moved out about 3 weeks ago, has had his apt. for about 2 months, but actually moved out all the way 3 weeks ago. Last night when we talked he told me he thought that MC really was good for both of us and that we should continue. Tonight when I talked to him, he said he agrees that we should take a break for a few weeks and then decide

brighterlight

JB, my stbxw and I are still living together. We can't afford two places right now. Will be trying to liquidate assets to pay off a ton of student debt for our three kids. You are right, it is mad living together. Not because we are after each others throats but because it confuses your feelings seeing them every day. You just can't make any personal progress while you are still living in the same house. We still go eat together, drive to work together, work on the house together, watch tv together, take turns washing clothes, even go to the movies every now and then together. We sleep in separate bedrooms, no sex (been about 3 months now). So I say to that WTF! There is no way to for me to move forward right now. The epitomy of limbo land. Right? Thank God we are not at the "War of the Roses" stage.
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