He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant
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Old 06-15-2011, 09:29 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default He filed for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

About 5 months ago my husband said "he loved me but isn't in love with me anymore" and at this time I was about 3 months pregnant. He said it started years ago (we've been together 8 1/2 years, married 4 1/2) before we were married and his feelings have been off an on. He recently filed for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant.
A little background on him. He comes from an abusive childhood, phsyically and sexually. There has been closure with his father who phyiscally abused him but no closure with his mother (he hasn't talked to her in 19 years) who let her boyfriend's father molest him and he is says it's because of her not saying she is sorry that he feels empty inside. I told him he needs to be the better person and confront her on it and tell her how it is affecting him. Since he grew up in an unstable home with parents never around he has no knowledge on how to act in a relationship, and I'm proud of him for how he has turned out for the most part because he has never abused me in any sort of way.
Back to our situation. He thought marrying me, buying a new home (we moved in Jan 1 of this year), getting pregnant and me graduating with a Bachelor's degree in Nursing would make him happy. But it didn't. Don't get me wrong, he is excited about the baby. He is always asking how she is doing and about my doctors appointments. But he moved out and comes home to mow the lawn each week (we have about 3 acres of mowable lawn with hills) and to see how I'm progressing. Oh yea, he filed for divorce 3 weeks ago. But also at the same time, we are filing bankruptcy because we still have a mortgage on the other house which we lost our butts on and can't sell and I'm unemployed until after the birth of our baby because the hospital that I interviewed at wants to hire me but I wouldn't make it out of orientation before the baby was born and want me to call back after. So there is A LOT of stress on him because the bankruptcy is only under him and has nothing to do with me.
I didn't mention that he still hangs out with our friends sister. I also found out that she occasionally stayed the night where he is staying but they didn't share a bed. He tells me he is not sleeping with her. Her sisters (1 is my best friend) and her mom tell her to leave him alone, he is married with a baby on the way. She says they are just friends and nothing is going on between them. I tell my husband, you may not be cheating on me right now but you will sleep with her eventually. I told him that because they talk about their relationships and what is going on, emotional stuff, and it leads to that kind of connection.
To me, it sounds like he is suffering from depression, but I may be wrong. He tells me he wants to be here at the house with me more because he wants to be there for the baby but does not want me to set up hope that his feelings will return. He says he has some days when he wonders what the hell is he doing. I so deeply want things to work between me and him because I never dreamed of raising our daughter on my own. Both of our families, and I, didn't see this coming and they feel the pain for me. He has been avoiding his family because he "doesn't want to hear it". I have been trying to set my feelings aside and "not care" but it is really difficult.

Last edited by kristen11; 06-15-2011 at 05:49 PM. Reason: Typo in Tite
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Old 06-15-2011, 11:01 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

All I got from that was he's not a man. He's a boy.
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Old 06-15-2011, 11:40 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

And he's the one who wanted to get pregnant whereas I wanted to wait a little longer so I could start working.
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Old 06-15-2011, 12:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

Sounds like he is having an affair with your friend's sister. There is no reason for her to be staying at his house for sleepovers if they aren't involved.

Fact.

Get a lawyer and protect yourself. He does not have your best interest at all. Also, in the future, do not marry someone or get involved with someone who tells you off and on that they aren't sure about you and whether they love you or not. You shoulda hit the door a long time ago.
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Old 06-15-2011, 12:34 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

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Sounds like he is having an affair with your friend's sister. There is no reason for her to be staying at his house for sleepovers if they aren't involved.

Fact.

Get a lawyer and protect yourself. He does not have your best interest at all. Also, in the future, do not marry someone or get involved with someone who tells you off and on that they aren't sure about you and whether they love you or not. You shoulda hit the door a long time ago.
This was the first time he told me he was not sure whether or not he was in love with me.
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Old 06-15-2011, 12:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

Oh sorry-- I misread what you wrote. I thought he'd told you years ago but you said he's told you he's been feeling that way for years now.

If that's true, he doesn't know what a committment is and played you the entire time.

Get out while you can.
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Old 06-15-2011, 02:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

At the very least he's having an emotional affair with the other woman, but my gut goes with everyone else since they've spent nights together - its more than likely he cheated on you. Based on what you've said, it sounds like the two of you don't have many assets or money so it may not be necessary to hire a lawyer unless you feel like there is something fishy in the divorce papers. Some lawyers may be willing to look over the paperwork to make sure everything is fine and charge less for that service.

I'm sorry you are going through this while pregnant. Please surround yourself with loving friends and family. Once your baby arrives trust me you won't give a crap about him anymore. Good luck.
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Old 06-15-2011, 02:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

Affair. Don't buy the not physically cheating thing either.

Sorry he is treating you so poorly. What a cad.
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Old 06-15-2011, 03:41 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

You are 7 1/2 months pregnant, he is having an EA with the sisters friend and she is "sleeping over."

Hummm, nothing surprises me anymore. Guess I ought to be happy with what I got and move on.

I am so sorry K11, try to think about the gift you are going to have once the baby is born. You are going to be blessed with the most joyful feeling you have ever known. Gaurenteed! Hang on to that; stay tough for your child.
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Old 06-15-2011, 03:57 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

I told him he is having an emotional affair. Not only have I told him that by her staying the night is wrong, his friends and coworkers told him the same thing. I'm trying to concentrate on the positive, my child, and move on from there but it so hard. I really want to have a life with him even though I hate what he has done nor should I want to be in a relationship with someone who walks out during the time I need them the most.
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Old 06-15-2011, 04:10 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

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Originally Posted by kristen11 View Post
I told him he is having an emotional affair. Not only have I told him that by her staying the night is wrong, his friends and coworkers told him the same thing. I'm trying to concentrate on the positive, my child, and move on from there but it so hard. I really want to have a life with him even though I hate what he has done nor should I want to be in a relationship with someone who walks out during the time I need them the most.
He is showing you what he is capable of in your most important moment of need, can you imagine what can happen when you need him for lesser reasons but important to you nontheless! Either he has gone totally bat sh**t crazy about becoming a father (for which he can get help and recover) or he just absolutely wants nothing to do with you and the baby (I know that sounds harsh) and he wants out. Is there any way you can determine what it is? Can you ask him if he would consider going to counseling if you haven't done that already?
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Old 06-15-2011, 04:18 PM   #12 (permalink)
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He is showing you what he is capable of in your most important moment of need, can you imagine what can happen when you need him for lesser reasons but important to you nontheless! Either he has gone totally bat sh**t crazy about becoming a father (for which he can get help and recover) or he just absolutely wants nothing to do with you and the baby (I know that sounds harsh) and he wants out. Is there any way you can determine what it is? Can you ask him if he would consider going to counseling if you haven't done that already?
He doesn't want out of being a father, the baby is all he talks about. Just this past weekend we went together to buy the paint for her room and he will probably be painting the room this weekend in time for the baby shower and the furniture being delivered.

As for counseling, I asked him if he'd be willing to go. Which at this time, he is not. He spoke to his friends daughters counselor a couple times about some issues, but that person told him things "he already knew".
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Old 06-15-2011, 04:24 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: He filed for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

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He doesn't want out of being a father, the baby is all he talks about. Just this past weekend we went together to buy the paint for her room and he will probably be painting the room this weekend in time for the baby shower and the furniture being delivered.

As for counseling, I asked him if he'd be willing to go. Which at this time, he is not. He spoke to his friends daughters counselor a couple times about some issues, but that person told him things "he already knew".
Not all counselors are the same. He needs to find one that he feels is workable and can give him so good insight. I honestly believe my W's therapist actually told her to do whatever she wants to do in order to be happy even if that included breaking up a marriage - I sensed it and just have a feeling about it since most of the bad stuff happened a day or two after seeing her. So I would keep asking, very nicely if he would go see one. Maybe even both of you see a MC. Just a thought.
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Old 06-15-2011, 04:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Sometimes I just hate this planet.
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Old 06-15-2011, 04:30 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: He file for divorce and I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant

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So I would keep asking, very nicely if he would go see one. Maybe even both of you see a MC. Just a thought.
I totally disagree with this. In order for MC to work, it takes BOTH wanting to go. And no affair can be happening.

He has told her straight up he's not into it, has moved out, abandoned her at a vital time in her life and is mor ethan likely having an affair with sleepover skank.

The WORST POSSIBLE thing a person can do when someone dumps them is pursue them. And keep aasking them if they'll reconsider and plead and beg and act like they're a doormat.

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As for counseling, I asked him if he'd be willing to go. Which at this time, he is not. He spoke to his friends daughters counselor a couple times about some issues, but that person told him things "he already knew".
He's a ghost. Treat him as such. He is not the man you married. Do not pursue him. At all. You already mentioned to him you believe he's having an affair and my bet is he told you were you crazy, it's not like that, they're just "friends."

Lines straight from a cheater's playbook.

One person alone cannot fix a marraige.

I am sorry this is happening to you right now but you are WAY better off alone with your baby than being with a d-uchebag who will leave you at one of the most important times in your lives.
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