Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pacific Northwest, USA
Re: Feeling like crap today with separation
With more detail coming in, it sounds like she waiting to "upgrade" when the time is appropriate. With med school on the horizon, I can't think of a worse time for someone wanting a separation...such a huge waste of finances and energy that could be devoted to study and sleep. This situation triggers my affair spider-sense.
I take it you are still financially floating her in spite of the separation? If so, then she isn't thinking in terms of independence to "think things through", but rather she may be thinking in terms of getting paid and getting to sleep with someone else. I could be way off base, but this doesn't reconcile very well without another person in the picture.
But then again, we don;t really know the preexisting issues that led to the separation. But, if I were thin-slicing the situation, I'd say she has some diminished respect for you, going to med school, is looking to upgrade in all areas of her life, including her marriage, but needs financial stability until graduation, so she is willing to stretch this all out and keep s*** vague and you on the hook until she has her ducks in order.
OR she is already sleeping with someone else and is making things intolerable enough that you will be the one to call it quits first or you get so sexualy frustrated that you will take her up on her hall pass suggestion, and then she can justfiably end the marriage because you are a b*****d for leaving her and sleeping around.
You are a married man with a wife who is acting bizarre...and is giving you nothing to go on...you have every right to rule out an affair...and this drunk cousin calling up seems way out there, but he may actually know more than he is letting on. Some friends/family will give you hints, but often don't want to finger the suspect for fear of coming back on them or breaking someone's confidence. Take what he said as a warning to open your eyes.
Check cell phone bill/statements...she may have a burner phone though. If you are out of physical contact, a VAR might be too risky and intrusive, but I would start pricing a private investigator.