Hell, I cant lie even I've thought about a relationship with someone other than my wife throughout the last couple years that we've been struggling. Not sure where the email thing came from but yea its been days since either one of us has reached out to eachother. Every relationship and or breakup is different, right now I'm not prepared to take the next step straight to divorce not because I'm holding onto hope for dear life but because divorce is a really big deal to me and I need time to process that potential reality.
My goal in suggesting alternatives to you is not to rush you to divorce, something that you would prefer to avoid, but to maximize a positive outcome for you. Filing for divorce quickly sends a signal to you wife that you are capable of acting resolutely. You are not co-dependent to the extent that you are paralyzed and merely waiting for the ax to fall. Instead of forcing her to summon her willpower to end it, she will find the tension gone suddenly and unexpectedly.
If you wait during a long separation, your place in her emotional hardwiring will be cold. It already is. But if you remove what is positive in your relationship now while your life together is not ancient history it is more likely that you will create an emotional impact. If you wait weeks longer your connection will have fizzled out. You are also more and more likely to compete with other men. You wife is now telling more and more people that she is separated. So, even if she has not yet slept with other men, among her classmates the word is already out that she is available.
Guys are likely coffee dating her or more. Study buddy, pizza, come up for a cup of tea, stay the night. It doesn't take long.
Remember if you file and mail her the papers, she will have to feel, "oh, wow, he is divorcing me!" Maybe she is not entirely ready for that idea. If you wait, it will be set in concrete. It may already be an ardent desire of hers.
There was a guy here, an artist and college lecturer... arg... his name escapes me at the moment, but he was in a separation like yours for ages. He agonized over his WAW but in the end it was divorce. She fed his cat from time to time but she did not love him. Ardendt... could that have been his name? I will check.
As far as support when she decided to apply for med school I was upset at first because it was just another delay before she started working a real job and bringing in decent money.We talked about how difficult it would be on both of us especially our marriage and I blew it off and just looked at it as something we'd get used too. But in the end I feel I was always fully supporting her decisions... most of the time. I dunno, I've started to realize that I may have a control problem with certain things which may have lead to where we are now. But then again I have a million thoughts running through my head lately.
Of course her decision to go to medical school increased the likelihood of divorce for several reasons: the hours, the on call situations, the social status elevation.