Well I screwed up. We met for lunch today but ended up just talking in her car for 45 minutes. I brought up the fact that she stopped wearing her wedding ring and her reasoning for that is because right now we "aren't together". Yea I'm not wearing mine but thats only because I knew she hadnt been wearing hers. I started out by saying that we have to be completely honest right now during this conversation no matter how hard it is. I said that I still dont agree with the way our separation is going in that we arent wearing our rings and its basically been said that both of us can date outside of each other if we want. I asked her flat out again are you having an EA or PA or both with another guy. And she looked me dead in the eye and said no. She swore she was not and has not been seeing anyone and has never cheated on me. Part of me genuinely believes her but theres part of me that also understands that she could be flat out lying.
She is not happy or comfortable with herself. If she has had sex with another man, it has not led to a relationship. So, she is not anxious to end your marriage in all ways. Her dating failures can be blamed on you voodoo c*ck blocking the men who would make her happy.
I said okay well if we arent wearing rings and were talking about it being "ok" to date then what are we doing?? At some point a decision has to be made but of course neither her or myself could make that decision right now. I know there are people who go this route during a separation and end up back together but I honestly dont see that happening with us. Without getting into too much detail we also talked about how our biggest issue with our marriage is that I want kids and she doesnt.
You are saying that she is good enough to mix genes with. She is saying your DNA is not what she wants. If you won the lottery or got a massive promotion at work or got 1.3 million views on YouTube by playing the guitar and singing, she would likely open her heart and legs again. She wants and upgrade.
She told me that for a while now she see's herself leaving abroad after med school is over with and practicing out of the country to help less fortunate people. She's had these thougts for a while now and that was one of the main issues between us that finally led to her wanting to leave our marriage.
She wants Dr. Zhivago. And this is where you should have said, "sorry you feel this way."
She couldnt see our future working while she had that "passion" of working abroad in mind. She said she doesnt want to keep living a lie like everything is okay with our marriage when deep in her heart she knows that she wants to leave the country after school and she knows that is not somethign I would be willing to consider.
Total BS. If you had said: "Babe, I love you and will quit my job right now and join Médecins Sans Frontières to serve the poor in some land beset by deadly diseases and parasites," would she be excited about you?
By the time she graduates, she'll probably say she has to pay off her debts by working for some HMO.
This one really hurt. She told me that since we've been separated she's felt a weight lifted off her shoulders. She says she feels like she is finally living the way she feels she is supposed to live. She then talks about how sad she is because she doesnt want to lose me as a best friend. WTF!!! She actually thinks that we should be able to be best friends during and after all this?? Maybe some day but right now I dont see that happening.
She doesn't want you in the same bed with her. She doesn't want to eat breakfast with you. Why because in her mind she married but wants to be free to have sex with other men. You were wrecking that. If she just wanted to be by herself, she's wear her wedding ring to discourage potential partners.
Now this is another thing that is really eating at me, I dunno maybe I'm over thinking this one. I've had plans with my parents, my sister, my mother in law and my wife before we separated to take a vacation to Mexico the week after 4th of July. We did the same trip last year. Well obviously because of what my W and I are going through she isnt going anymore and neither is the Mother in Law. While were talking today my W says' theres something else she wants to tell me...she says that her, her mom, her moms boyfriend and my wifes girlfriend from school are going to Mexico the same freaking days we are. Same beach town and all!! The only thing is they are staying way on one end of the town than we are way on the other. Part of me wishes she hadnt even told me they were going to be there. I'm pissed. I know its the only time she has off due to school but c'mon why the F#$% do they have to go to the same freakin place as us...
This is just a sign that her thinking is fvcked up. If you have some luck, you'll be walking on the beach in the evening and she her making out with some guy she just met.
This friend of hers may well have been toxic to your marriage. Do you know her?
Your MIL is also a head job. She is encouraging her daughter to do something stupid, weird and hurtful.
We then talked about the wedding this weekend and both agreed that it's going to be weird and akward but we are both just going to be friendly to eachother and hangout in a big group with all of our friends like we used to. Sounds easier said than done I'm worried and anxious but I worry about everything. In my mind the past couple weeks I've been telling myself to just get through the wedding this weekend then start taking neccessary steps forward to better myself and move on. Well now I have this trip to Mexico to worry about. I feel like everything just keeps crumbling down on me and I cant barely keep my head above water.
Her trip to Mexico is another shyte test you cannot pass. If she gets unhappy there, then you would have failed to show up and make her happy. If you show up at her hotel, you are stalker.
You are frankly better off without this confused, manipulative and passive aggressive woman. I return to original proposal. Hand her the divorce papers at the wedding. Let her run off hysterically and act the drama queen.
Thanks again to all who have given me advice and input on this forum. I think I'm almost there and ready to start taking real steps for myself. But I want you all to know that I do take your words and advice seriously and I genuinly appreciate it. I'm starting to depend on TAM to help me cope with this stuff.
PM Chuck for help. He is eloquent on letting go of partners who are no longer right.