Feeling like crap today with separation - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-17-2015, 11:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

I guess the hardest thing for me since our talk yesterday is that she doesnt seem to be hurting at all with the fact that our marriage is basically over. I'm guessing because she started this process of letting go of our marriage long ago so she's past that stage. I dunno... Last night I had a great night, went to my parents house for a bbq after work and had a couple drinks and was feeling decent wtih all of this.I was able to vent to them about our talk and just say whatever was on my mind. I know I'm now in the stage where I need to take steps forward for ME but it so freaking scary. I dont know what "single Mrpack" looks like. I havent been single in over 10 years. Almost all of my friends are in relationships or married, who am I going to hangout with? How will I find someone again and will I ever feel like I want to find someone again? The fear of being alone for the rest of my life is killing me.

Also, part of me wishes she was almost done with med school so she could just leave already to whatever country she sees fit. Get out of here so I can move on and not worry about bumping into her from time to time.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice. I'm taking notes and slowly wrapping my head around this. I dont know how I'm going to get through this but I know I need to break this negative cycle I'm in and find happiness again. I just dont know where thats at.

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post #122 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-17-2015, 12:05 PM
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

I looked up some friends I had lost track with while married. A few were still single.

I also had a buddy of a buddy that was single, and we hung out.

It will come. What are your hobbies? What have you always wanted to do, but couldn't?
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post #123 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-17-2015, 12:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by marduk View Post
I looked up some friends I had lost track with while married. A few were still single.

I also had a buddy of a buddy that was single, and we hung out.

It will come. What are your hobbies? What have you always wanted to do, but couldn't?
Well I've been trying to golf more, wasnt able to do much of that while we were married because I was busy doing things around the house while she was in school. I have a good group of buddies but only a couple are single and all they want to do is go out drinking which is fine once in a while but not all the time.

People keep saying that I'm still young and I'll find somebody but I'm goign to be 32 years old this year and its hard to think about how will I ever meet someone again that I can truly connect with. It kills me at work and around friends when I see/hear them talk about their family or siginificant others. Its like being around happy people right now is hurting me cause I'm jealous and just want to be happy again.

I've been through depression in the past when I was younger (dont want to get into why) but I got past that and now I feel like this depression I'm in is worse and being almost 32 years old it makes me feel like I'm weak and worthless. I know I sound pathetic and i'm on a major pitty party but it just suckks.
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post #124 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-17-2015, 12:59 PM
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

Bah.

I'm in my 40s and women hit on me all the time.

Go forth with a sense of optimism.
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post #125 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-17-2015, 02:06 PM
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

I didnt marry till i was 33. My son just graduated from college. You are young.
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post #126 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-17-2015, 03:20 PM
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Feeling like crap today with separation

Mr pack, I'm almost 51, I have had women in their 30's and early 40's hitting on me for the last few months now.
I lost weight, started dressing nicely and putting on some serious muscle (weights 4x/week). I feel stronger and sexier that I ever have.
You're young, being in your early 30's and free is a dream, live it!!!
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post #127 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-17-2015, 03:37 PM
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

MrPack, You are 31, bud. That ain't nothing. I'm 50 and still get play. I have no doubt you will find another and relatively quickly. Chin up!

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #128 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-17-2015, 08:20 PM
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

Sorry for jumping in late.

Connect these dots!!!! (see quotes below)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaparral View Post

Also, any debts you have incurred during the marriage is half hers. I also think half her med school debts are also half yours while married. I've never heard of any type of debt incurred during marriage wasn't shared. Talk to a lawyer yesterday. I don't see only having her name on a loan absolves you of liability.

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That is why handing the divorce papers and going no contact asap is the way to go. Filing for divorce is giving her want she wants. Give it to her. Will it make her happy? Who knows? She claims that separation brought relief. That is a sign that it is really over.

But she doesn't truly know her own mind. No children, really?

Filing for divorce is at least a sign that intellectually you are ready to move on. That is some sort of statement of strength. You need to file. Okay, give it to her at the end of the wedding so that she cannot blubber in front of everyone and claim you are "cruel". Definitely you need to file before you go for vacation. Let her get on the plane knowing that her STBX is going the same place and that she chose to set up the possibility of accidental meeting.

Mr Pack what was you major in college? Did you meet her in a class? At a party?

Also, your "lunch" didn't turn out to be much of a meal. She is dealing you stuff in ways that increases your pain. Thus the need to 180 and no contact.
Why add more debt to mortgage you future with?

You really going to let her build it all up and give you half when she files and runs into the arms of another man?

I am sorry, and I do wish you well.
Take care.


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post #129 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-17-2015, 09:02 PM
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

Time to put on your big boy pants and start re-caging your thought process to one of it's just you for now. Get some divorce care classes at church, continue to communicate here, see a therapist if these are not enough. You have the gift of youth but are emotionally dependent and you need to reclaim yourself. Once you do that you will be able to prosper.
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post #130 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 01:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

Well I'm getting ready to head up north for the wedding weekend that I've been dreading for a month now. My STBXW wont be there until the wedding day Saturday early afternoon but I'm scared as $hit that its going to be hard to fake it and act like I'm having a good time. I want her to see that I'm strong and confident and happy. I do not want her to see me as weak. I know that she will act as if nothing is wrong and will be acting like she's having a great time. She's good at hiding her feelings. Wish me luck everyone its going to be tough...

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post #131 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 01:34 PM
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

Don't try to analyze her. It will just make you miserable. You just came to the realization that she had already mourned the loss of you marriage. She won't be showing any emotions during the wedding. Don't mistaken her looks for sadness. I suspect they will be looks of pity for you.
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post #132 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 02:09 PM
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

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Originally Posted by MrPack View Post
Well I'm getting ready to head up north for the wedding weekend that I've been dreading for a month now. My STBXW wont be there until the wedding day Saturday early afternoon but I'm scared as $hit that its going to be hard to fake it and act like I'm having a good time. I want her to see that I'm strong and confident and happy. I do not want her to see me as weak. I know that she will act as if nothing is wrong and will be acting like she's having a great time. She's good at hiding her feelings. Wish me luck everyone its going to be tough...
Don't make it about her at all.

Make it about you. What is it going to take for you to go and have a good time? Make it about that.

Focus on yourself. Get out of your head and into your body. One foot in front of the other. Don't fall for it if she pulls a stunt.

Find a buddy, hang with him.
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post #133 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-18-2015, 06:02 PM
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

Are you going to wear your wedding ring?

I suggest that you don't sit with her and pretend that you are friends.
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post #134 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-19-2015, 12:04 PM Thread Starter
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Were both not wearing our rings. I had a great time last night with my buddies now were getting ready to golf. I'm really struggling today with the thought of how I'm gonna get through the day and night tomorrow with the wedding and her being here. This really sucks...
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post #135 of 1426 (permalink) Old 06-19-2015, 12:10 PM
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Re: Feeling like crap today with separation

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Were both not wearing our rings. I had a great time last night with my buddies now were getting ready to golf. I'm really struggling today with the thought of how I'm gonna get through the day and night tomorrow with the wedding and her being here. This really sucks...
Mr. Pack,

I think you should try to use the momentum of having a good time with your buddies carry over to the wedding itself. Sure, she'll be there but you DO NOT have to interact with her at all. If she approaches you you can tell her you're there for the wedding and would rather not talk to her. Find one of your buddies and grab him to insulate yourself from her.

Somebody else mentioned not drinking too much, and I think that's a really good idea because you don't want to let her know you've lost control of yourself over her.

Hang in there - I'm hoping your expectation of how bad it might be will seem silly once you've managed to get through the weekend unscathed.
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