The unwanted separation with my H and divorce to come has left a HUGE scar on what I think about myself, especially when it comes to my body image. I have always been insecure with what I look like. Even though everyone always tells me how gorgeous I am how, they wish they had my looks, were my size, blah blah blah (shut up people). When we were first separating and still living together, I asked my H if he was still attracted to me or if I wasn't pretty or good looking enough (I know that sounds like I am majorly insecure) and he replied with- caughtdreaming, you are beautiful and gorgeous, yes I am still attracted to you. And this makes me think WTF.
Everyone always questioned why I wanted H since we started dating because they said I could do way better.
Now I am am left thinking that if this is true why doesn't H want me anymore? And if HE doesn't want me, no one else would either! I basically feel like I must be the ugliest person alive.
I'm really not superficial at all, this post may sound like all I care about are my looks....couldn't be further from the truth, this has just had such a detrimental effect on how I view myself.
And it might sound pathetic to a lot of you, but I cant help but think this way???? Even though I know love and marriage is more than just being attracted to the other person. Are any of you experiencing this as well?
Not really, but I definitely understand where you are coming from on this issue. When the H's leave i am learning it is very little about US ;o) It usually is never what is in our heads. I am sure you are beautiful in and out. I pray that we all find love again.
um, yeah. In the reviews my husband posted on various callgirls, he described their "perfect" bodies (as well as their sex acts.) They advertise with photos, and statistics. I am at least 20 years older, do not have a 22" waist, nor implants. But I am trying to take care of myself, play up my assets, and remember that living well is the best revenge.
His actions are no reflection on you.
I felt the same way when my wife asked for a divorce. Since we finally got divorced i have been going to the gym regularly. While the results havent been dramatic...yet...it has mademe feel better about myself not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Good luck, i am sure he didnt appreciate you as much as you deserve. Posted via Mobile Device
I went through a long period of low self-image and I will probably always have at least a little of that to keep working on. The OW involved in our divorce is 14 years younger and he told me she has a tiny waist, a "nice set", and a sexy bottom. Why did he need to share that? He also said she is quite experienced sexually and men gawk at her....(long story but it's part of her "job"!). It has been quite a journey for me to accept and believe any compliments after his intended & unintended but hurtful undermining blows. However, men & women have said I'm attractive & have a sparkle that makes me seem younger than my age. Several people have mentioned that I have my sparkly smile back and I actually am starting to feel that I do!. I don't know for sure as I am still on my road to recovery but I think what really helps is a genuine smile & look that says you are having fun and are happy with who you are. It's too bad selfish acts take a toll on good people but if we come out stronger & happier, it's one positive result.
I've had some self image issues about various things all my life. I hit an all time high weight during my marriage. Since we've separated I've lost over 45lbs and feel a lot better.
My stbx is a lot younger than me to start with so it would stand to reason any replacement staircases would be a lot younger than me as well. Oh well, I try not to think about it.
52flower that's totally rude. In what context did he tell you that horrible thing??
Your attractiveness isn't defined by your husband. You are absolutely perfect exactly the way you are. Who knows what his fancy is? Maybe he's decided he prefers guys. Your exterior self is the ultimate ideal of perfection for any number of guys and the smart ones will be more interested in what you have to offer inside, anyway. Nobody else gets to set your value for you. You are a priceless, beautiful, loving human being, created in the image of the Almighty. You have value far above anything you realize and you're too strong to let some chump make you question yourself.
I am certainly self concious now more than ever now that I am going through divorce with my stbxh. We married shortly after highschool and have had 2 kids so he saw me before I had children and knew what I looked like pre-kids. Well now of course my body isn't the same post kids and just thinking about that fact and how any other guy is going to find me attractive is really worrying me...
I know I am nowhere near thinking about dating but when the time comes I just feel that no other guy is going to find my body attracting because it's not perfect and I'm not a size 2 or even an 8 for that matter! haha But I have lost 42lbs since this whole thing started in March which I am very happy about but I'm still really self concious because without a tummy tuck or something I will never have a nice body in my mind and who's going to want that!! BOO
Of course I to ask my stbxh if he is still attracted to me and he tells me yes and that I need to have more self esteem about myself (Would have been nice if he told me more nice things while we were married instead of since being seperated!)
And I guess another thing that I get nervous about is that I have only ever been with my stbx and that gives me some anxiety about being with someone new.. oh man all these issues... lol
When this all first started back at the end of February (we're living in limbo right now...together but separate), my self-esteem plummeted. However, suddenly this past few weeks I started realizing my worth and that it's not all about him and what he wants and thinks, it's about ME TOO! I am worthy of love. I am beautiful. I am strong! I am the one who will win in this situation! He's the loser!!! I feel so empowered!!!
I'm sure it's probably a phase or maybe a transition thing but I sure hope it lasts!!!
When this all first started back at the end of February (we're living in limbo right now...together but separate), my self-esteem plummeted. However, suddenly this past few weeks I started realizing my worth and that it's not all about him and what he wants and thinks, it's about ME TOO! I am worthy of love. I am beautiful. I am strong! I am the one who will win in this situation! He's the loser!!! I feel so empowered!!!
I'm sure it's probably a phase or maybe a transition thing but I sure hope it lasts!!!
Bluepink,
It doesn't have to be a phase. Maybe for the first time, you are telling yourself the truth. All that airbrushed, skinny-model in expensive clothes crap you see on TV and in advertisements is BS. Looks, money, expensive crap never made anyone happy. The only qualities that truly matter are those that endure. A surgeon can lift sagging breasts but you can't buy a character or personality transplant anywhere for any price.
Victoria's Secret sells lingerie but you can't buy a box of "caring" , "nurturing", "intelligent conversation", or "partnership". Those things are vital, lasting, and real. The rest is just temporary garbage.
10 years later I look exactly the same as I looked when I met stbx,I think I even look better body wise.I had 2 babies ,one being born last year and I have a six pack.I am hot and a lot of guys check me out,I'm 37 btw and I look 32 I'm told.
Now his object of interest is nothing like me,she's never had babies and most of her features are not his type...he's told me that and i have seen her,i couldn't believe that he got attracted to her,she is not ugly but nothing like his type.
So what i'm trying to say is...sometimes it doesn't matter,they get attracted to someone regardless of our looks or what we've done.I also have struggles with body image,well OW is 8 years younger than me BUT I slowly am getting back to understanding that this whole thing had nothing to do with me BUT with HIM.He obviously needed to feed his ego and that was the best way for him.
__________________ H. and I married since 2001.Two kids 5 and 1
H. separated from me onDec. 1st 2010Reconciled March 2nd 2011 . April 24th ,he told me he's been having an affair May 11 the day he asked for divorce June28th divorce papers were served to me
Staircase, he was comparing her to me probably to flaunt, control my feelings, & feel better about himself. When he was with another OW (#1), he told me she was a younger version of me. Interesting, I just realized these comments still smart but not like they used to. I'm really believing how much of a loser he is & how I have gained so much without him in my life. They are younger but will never treat him with the respect and genuine loyal love that I gave him. My self-esteem is growing because I finally really believe that.
anyone else having hard time w/body image.. 
