It's true, men can be and are frequently just as screwed up.... Was not attempting to imply otherwise.
Let me share an observation. When my story started two months ago, I found this site by luck. Great site and has been very helpful. However, inside of 48 hrs of ready thread after thread after thread a definite pattern emerged...it felt like I was reading the same story, my story, over and over again. How strange it was to see my story, sure some details changed but the pattern was the same.
1) wife leaves or asks for separation, 2) claims to love him but not be in love with him anymore, 3) feels him she asked for him-it-whatever to change for a long time and nothing changed 4) husband was shocked or darn close to shocked by #1, 5) then finds out wife is interested in another man or her friends more than him, 6) then hot and cold behaviors begin. Only exceptions to this were repeat cheaters, truly addicted spouses, empty nesters.
Let me break the emotional burn out, because as stated earlier I have experienced it once before: woman gets heart or soul or dreams etc broken. She wakes up different one morning and the pattern begins. Let me also point out the counter pattern- 1) husband is completely surprised and while it is easy to point out we must not listen or be dumb as a box of rocks, #2 plays in - 2) husband wants to reconcile but experiences the pattern above which is very unsettling and ends up making us angry, 3) at some point they realize they should have made changes but as number one states did not understand or realize the magnitude of the wife's unhappiness, often I read at this point in the story how the wife stopped trying, 4) we fight for our families, get PC, ask if she will go to MC etc. 5) sometimes they reconcile, most of the time they give up with what I read on both sides is a fair amount of regret.
So, my primary ask for everyone's sake is: men listen better and relize a little ask from your wife might be something bigger and women, if is is so important that it will one day break you, try not to let it get that far before you kick us in the Marc's to wake us up.
This pattern is sad because it is mostly avoidable it would seem, unless your on your 2nd, 3rd, 4th round.