06-29-2011, 07:52 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
| | Having a bad day - sorry, kinda long
I'm having a bad day today and need to let it all out. If you haven't read any of my previous posts, I'm pregnant (Due Aug 13th) and my stbxh filed for divorce a month ago. I was doing so well with the 180 until I began washing the baby bottles and putting them away and organizing her clothes. I completely broke down. I partially fell of the 180-wagon on Friday when my Mom was admitted to the hospital and she told me she would not be there for my baby shower on Saturday (she didn't want me to cancel last second since so many people changed their plans to be there) and I called my ex to let him know. I caved and told him that this pregnancy has been so unfair to me knowing he was the biggest part of the unfairness. Back to today while washing baby bottles. I'm still holding onto the hope things will work between him and I. Stupid I know, but I can't help it. The way he looks at me when he stops by the house (because he has to mow our huge lawn because I can't) is the way he use to look at me before all the troubles started. We also went to dinner a couple times last week, he asked and I caved, and he told me not to let my mom know "things are working". I called him out on that comment today. I told him he keeps flip flopping his emotions, one second it seems like things could work then then next they won't. He tells me he knows that this isn't easy for me and he still calls because he wants to know how the baby is doing. I know I shouldn't answer and I told him that. I'm just happy to hear his voice even though I'm dying inside. I also do not believe I can actually move forward and not hold on until after I have the baby but I am tired of how I feel and want to move on now. It will be difficult to move on now because I still live in our house while he stays at a friends. It's difficult because I told him he needs to stay here at night (in another room) starting a couple weeks before the baby is born just in case I go into labor at night, and he needs to stay for a few weeks after the baby is born. I need to find my strength again.