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Old 06-29-2011, 11:42 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default New here and Newly separated

My Husband and I have been together for over 10yrs and have 3 children together.
I recently asked him to leave. Because he has cheated on me multiple times. Not sure how many of them were sex but he is really into sexting, and flirting (stroking his ego ) with any woman even my family and friends, oh and also pornography.
He moved out about 3 weeks ago and is staying with a friend. Since he has been gone he has been giving the kids and I a little bit of money but it's not enough to pay the bills.
He goes out to the bars/clubs/casinos and has spent a lot of money on new clothes shoes gambling etc...
I found out last week he ran into my sister and her Best friend at the casino and he tried to get the friend to go back to his place with him and was hanging all over my sister and tried to kiss her
He hasn't made an effort to get counseling or make changes or even say he was sorry but expects me to have sex with him whenever he wants it. If I say no he freaks out and tells me that he is not helping me anymore and to not ask him for anything ever again !! This is so hard any advice
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Old 06-30-2011, 03:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: New here and Newly separated

Your working with an adult that can't make good decisions. He's acting like a child.

You need to keep very clear boundaries and consequences with him until he shapes up. The same way you would with a kid.

I would suggest reading love must be tough.

Otherwise, get a child support thing in place now. You might have to be legally separated for that.
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Old 06-30-2011, 05:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: New here and Newly separated

leslie77: You know best the answers, they're whispering to you already. I know my stbxh had an EA on facebook but denies to this day. He bought new clothes, a motorcycle and dyed his hair. I done nothing of any serious consequence to go through this pain but that's life.

Ask yourself: Would you be able to trust this person in the same way again? You may need marriage counseling or IC. How old is he? Mid-life crisis?

Do the 180 and take care of yourself. You can find the explanation of the 180 on these threads.

Try not to be afraid; fear is the real bugaboo.
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Old 06-30-2011, 08:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: New here and Newly separated

Hi and welcome. Not to be dramatic, but I think your husband has some issues well beyond bad behavior. You cannot fix those sorts of things (manic buying, chronic cheating, sex for family financial support). You are doing the right thing. This guy sounds a little scary right now.
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Old 06-30-2011, 08:59 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: New here and Newly separated

Hate to say it, but welcome to the best lonely hearts club. Now that you are not alone, and this too shall pass. Come he to get your juice to carry you through the day.
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Old 06-30-2011, 10:14 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: New here and Newly separated

for the emotional pain all I can say is :
ready to start a new chapter in your life
this too is a new adventure
you are free, start your life over and build it into something that makes you happy, because you haven't had that in a long time and you have forgotten what it is like.

to the practical I would say:
get a lawyer
stop seeing him
sue for child support
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Old 06-30-2011, 11:48 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: New here and Newly separated

Hi leslie, sorry you've wound up here but its a good place to be for lots of support and advice.
From what you've described this "man" doesn't even have respect for himself let alone any for you. Good for you for finding the strength to kick him out. Now you have to try and find the strength to not let him back in.
At least until you set some much needed boundaries.
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