caughtdreaming

Well guys, I went out today! For those of you who have been reading my posts you know this is an accomplishment for me.

Now this may seem irrelevant to some of you but for me it was kind of a big deal. By staying inside I didn't have to deal with a lot of memories and pain that I will eventually have to face. Going to town, there are memories with stbx in every shop, restaurant, gas station, theater, store, parking lot, hotel, even the roads...you name it there is a memory. Not to mention the possible awkward run-ins with people I know. There was a lot of numbness, tears, displacement, and confusion, but I went and I came back alive. I know I have to start making myself do stuff, and will keep making myself do stuff until I feel like doing things again.

I purchased two books today one called How to Survive the Loss of a Love , and the other The Journey from Abandonment to Healing. I am anxious to start reading them and will let you guys know If they aided me any.

everafter

Excellent! Baby steps first--you should be proud of yourself.
To tell you the truth, I thought you went out on a date, and that it was a surprising and rapid change!

hesnothappy

Good for you, I might have to pick up those books. Let us know what you think of them.

staircase

Good, I'm glad you got out! Pushing yourself is going to make you stronger and help the healing process.

Clinging

glad to hear you made it out today. Baby steps and do what feels right.

I read Journey from Abandonment to Healing and found it very useful. Good Read

team12

Good for you!

brighterlight

hah, so did I from the post title.

Good for you for going out!

__________________
"You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering."- Henri-Frederic Amiel

caughtdreaming

haha nope. But hopefully with time!

Well its been 2 weeks since I wrote that post above and it seems like I have made great strides since then. I still have good days and bad days but right now I am really focused on getting my life back. It still hurts but I've turned my attention to the positive things in my life right now.

Once I clued in that crying and moping around was not doing anything to make my life better, I realized I had the power to make my life whatever I wanted it to be. I made the decision to start living my life for me. A pathetic excuse for a man is not going to determine my outcome in life, that would be a crime - and here I was about to let him get away with it! Not anymore.

I went out and got a new job that starts on Monday, and I'm going back to school this fall. I'll be moving to a new city during the week for school and traveling back home on weekends. I'm a little nervous about this, but I still have almost 2 months before the move and I will be home for weekends anyway. I am looking forward to going back to school, getting involved with activities and maybe even making new friends. Among this I have started hanging out at family dinners/functions, exercising, shopping, looking for a new vehicle, reading, basically anything to keep myself occupied.

I still have to push myself to go out and about but at least I am, and I am proud of myself for doing it! When I feel down I pick myself back up to know that things are getting better, and will only continue to get better if I keep this mentality up. I am looking forward to the future.

Speaking of it, if the future includes stbx it does, and if it doesn't, it doesn't!
I am not waiting around for him or letting him play any part in the choices I make from this point on.
Just me me me me me. lol.

52flower

I am so happy for your positive and optimistic attitude! I've been working through the long arduous road also. Some days are filled with strength and confidence while some days I am still disappointed that I fall short. What has kept me going is my reminder to myself to "just keep moving". It doesn't matter if it doesn't seem like I'm making big steps, just don't stop moving. Good luck Caught - you're making impressive strides & I am rooting for brighter days to be just around the corner for you!

Lon

CD That is awesome I'm glad to hear you've been so busy with positive change!

reindeer

It is lovely to read that someome has taken steps on the way to rebuilding their life. I wish you all the best for starting your new job on Monday! Hope you make some new friends as well.

hesnothappy

Good to hear CD, enjoy life.