Rico

For the first time since I moved out I was blasted with a major case of loneliness. The kids were with the STBX and I had only a few things really to occupy my time. But whenever I was home I was really down and out. I'm not one of those guys that is reveling in the single life and I enjoy the company of another person to sit and watch movies with etc etc. I sat alone and felt like a loser. Felt as if this was what my new life is going to be. I know it's going to get better (hopefully) but right now I feel alone. I miss my kids terribly, and although I should be taking this time as "ME" time, im just not adjusting well. I actually do miss my wife. I wish she would see my pain and that I am paying for my mistakes. It is what it is and all I can do is move forward but it is difficult and I miss my family.

Wannamakeitbetter

Rico, I feel your pain man. My wife and I have been separated living together since Fathers Day. I feel the same way sometimes and when I do I get on here and find something to inspire me. The Men's Clubhouse is a great place to read about being a man going through these tough times. I am currently watching my wife have an EA less then 5 feet away! After reading some threads in the Men's Clubhouse I have decided to "man up" and be honest about how she makes me feel when she is doing that in front of me. I cannot lie to her anymore even though I think it will keep her around. Today when I get home from work I am going to give her a choice, either she does not chat with this guy when I am around or she can move out. My damn birthday is this weekend and I am dreading it!
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Rico

The worst part is that I find myself missing her. As rotten as she was to me through this whole thing, when we get along we are so good. She says she is finally starting to heal but when i say that i miss her she says she doesnt want to talk about it. It's just really depressing cause I think if the opportunity was there, I would want to bring my family back together. She always said that the one thing she could never forgive would be cheating. I only had an emotional affair BTW. She doesnt want to open up even a bit about understanding and maybe trying. I'm just really down right now.

caughtdreaming

That's me to a T. I hate the single life but can't imagine sitting beside anyone else but H. At the same time I just want someone to sit beside.

This is how I know I won't be ready to date for another million years.

See, Im just not one of those people who has to be head over heels in love with someone to be able to be with them. If they feel that way about me, great. I just want someone who shares the same interests, has the same sense of humor, and someone to curl up on the couch with.
Why does it have to be all lovey dovey all the time for relationships to work. I don't get that.

Shooboomafoo

Living with STBXW, and divorce is two months away til final.
I "get" the missing your wife thing. I also fear lonliness. My wife had the EA, may have been PA even, no honesty about anything for sure. We still do some things together, and its still like a big dark cloud looming. I wake up each day, instead of being happy, just going "oh yeah, im going to be divorced soon." and it sux.

__________________
His delay, is not a denial.

Rico

She knows that I have tried to move on by seeing other people but she holds what I did against me and just doesnt find a way to look at what i did and learn to forgive me. If I could have her and my family back I would do it in a heartbeat. I just wish that she was more affectionate towards me. That's what pushed me away. Obviously I have to do what I have to do on my end, so I go out and socialize, or at least try to. I try to meet new people (women) but in the end it's just not what I want. I guess I just have to overcome the obstacle of learning how to be alone and do it. I miss my wife incredibly and I know she is completely over me and has moved on but dammit I wish she would just let me in a little and see that people make mistakes. She'll never let me live this down.

caughtdreaming

I agree, EA's can be as equally devastating and destructive to a marriage as PA's.

Someone on here once said they wished their wife would have had a PA instead of an EA.

Rico, it all depends on your wife and if she is willing to forgive and try to forget. Right now it sounds like she isn't. That's rotten for you, but she obviously just cannot get past it at this time. You can do nothing more than extend your willingness to work it out, but leave it at that. In time she might come to except it and she might not. You are doing the right thing by getting on.

Rico

Yeah, thanks dreaming. I apologized to her the other day to her for emotionally exposing myself to her. It was a moment of weakness for me due to my feelings of loneliness. She really didnt want to hear it and that pained me. I will just keep trying to move on and simply just live everyday. I need to occupy my evenings with something. go to the gym etc etc. Eventually a woman will come, I'm in no rush for that, but being able to spend time with someone just makes me feel good.

caughtdreaming

I understand, I just realized that Im going to have to try and move on as well. Its hard. Its painful. Im lost. Im trying to fill my days with stuff.

Rico

Yeah, trust me i know the pain in that. I have friends and I just have to look forward to the days when I know I will be seeing my kids and hangin out with friends, I know i need to find myself before i look to add someone else into my life. I dont want rebounding.