BeachGuy

I suggested to my wife that we pick a date say a month from now and start splitting up my paycheck as it will be when the divorce is final. I want to move out now and want my own budget, etc. She said she wasn't in favor of doing that. Why would she be?

What happens if I just say well, that's how we're going to do it and you have until x date to figure out how to generate some income for yourself? And set up payroll deduction accordingly? She's very capable of working and can get help from her parents if needed. We have young children and she hasn't worked in over 10 years, but has a degree.

Would that be considered abandonment? We have agreed to an uncontested divorce so far. I've already presented her with numbers and she's agreed to them. I'm completing the paperwork to file myself, hopefully in the next few weeks. But I don't want to wait 4 months or however long it takes to move out and re-start my life.

Thanks.

PBear

Sorry, but she's the only one that can tell you why she doesn't want to do that. We'll just be making sh!t up if we try.

Other than that, your paycheck is your paycheck. If you've got the numbers worked out and agreed to, it seems reasonable to start splitting things up.

C
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unbelievable

Your check. You can set it on fire, spend it at the topless bar, or mail it to my address where I will put it in the "pissed off old cop benevolent fund" It'll look better to the judge if you proceed as you have described.

magnoliagal

She's been home for 10 years and you want her to start earning income in a month? Can't you just stick to the uncontested part and wait the 4 months? I have a degree and am a homemaker. In this economy it would take me longer than a month to find a job and I've been home 8 years.

I'm not sure why you are getting divorced but I would appreciate it if my husband stuck to the original agreement.

caughtdreaming

If it's uncontested, she's agreed to numbers, your completing paperwork to file in a few short weeks, what is holding her back? She doesn't want you to actually move out until the D is final?

caughtdreaming

Oh. My mistake, I see now. Yeah I have to say being out of the working class for 10 years and suddenly having to find work in a month would be a huge undertaking for her.

brighterlight

I would think it would go a lot smoother on both of you if you already had your finances in order. What does she want to do; wait until the last minute where she will be very rushed into finding a way to support herself financially. It looks to me as if she is not ready for divorce. You may have done this already, but I would try to find a way to make her see that doing the finances now is going to be better for her in the long run. As long as she agreed to the finances already, I don't see what is holding her back.

__________________
"You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering."- Henri-Frederic Amiel

PBear

Sorry, missed the part about her being out of the work force and having young kids. And I guess I'd want clarification on the "numbers"... Do they include her working income or just yours? And have you guys investigated child care, getting that piece set up?

I'm kind of in a similar situation... My wife was on disability when I moved out... It was a minor thing requiring day surgery, and we agreed in advance that I would stay till she was recovered. But after I left, rather than going back to work she gave notice. That was back in February, and she hasn't worked since. And now with it being summer holidays and child care being an issue, I'm not making a stink about it.

But come fall, I'll have to start pushing for her to start contributing financially. My cheques come into my personal account, and I've been transferring the bulk into her account. But I need to tell her that starting mid September, the new amount I'll be transferring over will be $xxxx. And if she can't make up the difference with job income, she'll have to figure something else out, like talking to her parents. Not looking forward to that discussion, but I need to protect myself too. But we've been separated now for almost 6 months; September will be 8 months.

C
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Shooboomafoo

It sort of sounds like shes waiting to find an attorney to tell her what the child support payment will be. I would research the laws in your state and find out yourself. Work from that.
If there is also maintenance or alimony, then thats going to be more money.
Not that one would say its not worth it, but it sux to have a system that boils it all down to that. Suddenly finding yourself having to quantify your role as a father versus the precedence of a deadbeat dad handed out by courts due to common events.
If it were my paycheck I was working from, we would all starve.

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His delay, is not a denial.

BeachGuy

The "Why would she be" was sarcasm. Meaning sure she doesn't want to start splitting it up now. Not until she HAS too.

I know a month is unreasonable. But we've been talking about this for over a year. I kept telling her she needed to go to work and be prepared ahead of time but she never did. I'm not sure what you mean by "the original agreement"?

Yes, she wants to wait until it's final before splitting it up. Of course at that point, she has no choice anymore. She's the type that will not do anything until absolutely forced to. But I'm with yall...I want to get this stabalized now rather than later. Get into my own place, managing my share of the money.

Don't need child care. Kids are school age and she's not working. I think she really thinks she won't have to either.

My concern is if I do this, and then she gets mad or something and it becomes "un-contested". Will a judge find in her favor and say I left w/o her agreeing to splitting our finances? And I wasn't "fair" in doing that? If I did it, she wouldn't have enough money anymore to pay the mortgage and bills and everything. Of course the obvious answer is she gets a job but what if she doesn't? Is the judge going to screw me for everything I'm worth for leaving before the divorce is done, even though I'm giving her money?

Shooboomafoo

In my state, you have to go thru the proper State dispersal department to take care of obligations regarding finances. I could send her a check for 10K and it wouldnt matter in terms of support or spousal maintenance.
You should find out what your obligations are prior to setting any of this up.

__________________
His delay, is not a denial.

brighterlight

Do you have an attorney? I am gathering from your post that you plan to file pro se and not use and attorney. Otherwise, he would be the one to answer the question of possible abandonement. Whew, man, I am so sorry for many of you on here, at least I am LUCKY enough that my W works and makes just a tiny bit more than I do so we won't have to get into all of this as much as you guys and my kids are all married and on their own. Beach, I know that doesn't help you any but it seems to me that in your case, she can choose to just prolong it because she has no motivation for moving quickly. If you live in a 50/50 state, you will have to give her half of the value of your assets. Unfortunately, I think that until a legal divorce/separation is filed, you can not force her out and need to continue support. At this point, it'll take an attorney to try to speed things up for you.

Is there any way you can dangle a carrot out there for her, sweeten the deal for her to see if she bites and agrees to your schedule. I dunno, this is a tough one. I do completely understand your situation in wanting to get your life moving forward; an in-house separation doesn't allow you to do much and restricts your ability to move and do whatever it is you need to do to start your recovery in being single. That's why they call this time period - Limbo Land; your life is on hold.

__________________
"You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering."- Henri-Frederic Amiel

magnoliagal

A girl acquaintance of mine cheated. She was a homemaker. Hubby moved out and cut her off from the money and really messed up their credit. She almost lost the house. Overall he behaved like an ass but bottom line was the judge threw the book at him. Had he just played it cool he would have been better off.

<<< not an expert on divorce. I recommend you find out the ramifications of leaving before you actually do.

BeachGuy

I don't currently have an attorney. Can't really afford one. She's said she will get one just because she doesn't understand all of this (ie, legal jargon, etc). I do have a relationship with an attorney for a previous matter and he does handle uncontested divorces for $1500 (which I don't have after paying him for my other matter). He'd probably let me do payments.

Guess I'm screwed into staying put until it's final.

staircase

How do I get one of these I don't have to work and get half of my husband's paycheck deals?