OK, I lost it and I know I did - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-07-2011, 07:44 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
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OK, I lost it and I know I did

I should have come here first to be talked off the ledge. Here is what happened. My STBX had the kids this past weekend and then she was going to go to Jersey with them to her parents house. So I really didn't get to see them much this week. the weekend goes by and then she tells me she is working Tuesday and that her parents are picking up the kids and taking them out there and that she would be there on Wednesday. Well all of Wednesday goes by and I didn't hear from my kids at all so I call my STBX to talk to them and I keep getting her voice mail. My son calls shortly after that and tells me, Oh mommy is not here, she's working. So I say oh o.k., all of a sudden now she has two days that she was working when it was supposed to be Tuesday only. I call her after I get off the phone with my son and she answers and says, oh did our son call you, i said yeah, he said you're not there and that you're working, she says oh no I decided to go out east instead. I took exception to that because not only did you lie to me but you lied to your child and basically dumped them off with your parents so that you could go party somewhere else. Why not be straight up and say, listen I'm going out this week and dropping the kids off with my folks? Why not just be honest and up front? I dont care who she was with, I took an exception with the fact that she lied to our son and to me also. It made me feel foolish and the fact that i hadn't seen my kids in over 5 days only aggravated me more. The fact that I also get my kids two days during the week and she took that away from me by lying instead of leaving them with me for the night she was supposedly working. Like i said, if she is seeing someone else, no problem, but be truthful as to what your plans are and dont try to be deceitful. I don't need a rundown of what her plans are but at least the truth about what is going on. I dont know if I was wrong for flipping out but it really bothered me that she basically dumped our kids off at her parents to go party with who knows. Just venting.

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-07-2011, 08:18 AM
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Posts: 498
Re: OK, I lost it and I know I did

Someone had the exact same issue earlier this week. I'm not thinking clearly yet today, but the thread title was something about being friends with your STBX. I'd be bummed that I didn't have first dibs on taking my kids!

You weren't wrong, but it sounds like maybe you don't feel so good about it. I know that feeling all too well-like when my stbx asked me the other day if a court date had been set. Really? You couldn't just look on the county website, you had to ask me directly??
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-07-2011, 08:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: OK, I lost it and I know I did

It's like I said, who she was going to be with and what she was doing, not a major concern to me, the fact that she lied to my son and to me as if she was sneaking around. Don't treat me like you're getting one over on me, there was no need to lie to me. If she would have come out from the jump and told me what she was doing I would have been fine. Just dont lie, there is no need for it. There is no need to sneak around. And especially dont teach our son that that behavior is acceptable because to me it trickles down and then he will do it. Not a good example to set.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-07-2011, 08:33 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: In Texas
Posts: 1,185
Re: OK, I lost it and I know I did

As a parent, you have the priority right to see your children.
If this was an issue of custody in the court, it would be set in stone in terms of how often, what times, and dates.
I totally understand the game that is being played here, as my wife goes out at times purposely choosing places where there will be her friends who have kids and takes my daughter with her. The "Lure" of a swimming pool, or other kids to play with, makes me feel bad.
My life with my wife has gravitated towards "her" friends, and you build quite the relationship with them over fifteen years. But now that divorce is happening, although they say they wont pick sides, IF I go over there, and my wife is there, its not really comfortable for anyone. So I guess I just get to find alternate times to take my daughter places, or to spend time with her.

His delay, is not a denial.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-07-2011, 08:48 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
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Re: OK, I lost it and I know I did

The only problem with that is that she works in the medical field and she doesnt have a set schedule so me being generous instead of having days set during the week said that I would take the kids on whatever days she was working. So if she decides to take a week off then I dont get them. I'm wondering if I should just have set days during the week set in stone and then let her fend for herself as far as getting childcare for the children overnight on the nights she works.
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