Re: Husband talks non stop crap about my family
GolferGirl, unfortunately that is already happening (my parents having to file for bankruptcy- they've taken out too many loans for my brother that they had to struggle to pay back).
I'm sorry, I probably should have posted in the "Considering divorce or separation" section, I see that now. My apologies.
We've been here for 1.5 years, the exact amount of time my parents began having problems. My father is the only one that works, my mother ran out of her disability a while ago and is trying to appeal her denial for long term disability with the social security office.
No, no children.
Isn't the high school thing weird, Caughtdreaming? It was hard for me to get over this because I don't get having to have closure with someone you didn't even date. A contributing factor to this though, might be that my husband only had 1 girlfriend before, and that was when he was 22. The only significant member of the opposite sex from his youth, was that girl. It is still hard for me to wrap my mind around it.
PBear, out of 6 adults, only 3 work. My husband, my father, and brothers wife. This is another point of contention for him and I. I've been out of work for over a year and desperately want to find something and look every single day, my job is to find a job, but he has so many constraints to what I can get, it's crazy. In this economy, employers don't want to hear when you CAN'T work, they just want to hear when you can. My husband does not want me working with too many men, he does not want me working on the weekends, he does not want me working too much in the evening, he does not want me working with homeless people (they were hiring for a P/T teacher at a local homeless shelter, I sooo wanted that job- in part, I love to help my community). You get the point. I feel kind of damned if you do (look for a job be he doesn't like it), damned if I don't (don't have a job and he's constantly pointing out what he buys).
I feel like a child when I have to call for permission to buy something. He also doesn't want me to go grocery shopping alone, even if it's to pick up something for dinner that we both agreed upon. He says he wants to go to the grocery store with me (yes, let's go to the store at 5:30 pm when you get out of work, when the stores are insanely busy here. Perfect.).
As far as seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, we've already both made the decision to move out. My parents are going to have to deal with how to proceed with brother living here rent free. Yesterday, my mother told me that they're just thinking of letting their home go into foreclosure because if they still have the house, my brother will always try and come back. He also uses his kids against my parents, which in turn, makes my parents feel guilty.
It's a bad cycle, always repeating.
So, we've been looking at places and have a goal of moving out August 1st. That was discussed when there was the huge family blowout here in May or June. We agreed to stay here in my parents home until August, to help with the light bill that can get up to $600-$700 very easily.
I understand my husbands frustration, but for now, we are getting all of our affairs in order. We are saving up money for first month/deposits/new furniture and less than a month away from moving. We are also paying all of our bills down here at my parents, I don't want to leave and have bills to pay at both places.
If he vented once in a while, it would be okay, but it's constant.
Apart of me is even afraid of being alone in an apartment or house with my husband. He constantly complains or is extremely bitter about something. It's just his nature. What I cannot tolerate are all his rules, and his "what if conversations" pertaining to our home.
"What if people come over and are here for hours?" - he's talking about ANY of my family or friends visiting.
"What if they come over 2 days in a row" - still, my family/friends.
"What if their kids make a mess, who cleans it up?" -same topic, still.
"What if I'm unhappy because too many people are here all the time?" and we will actually have a conversation for something that hasn't even happened yet, for hours.
I hate it. For all the years him and I alone were together alone in a house or apartment, people RARELY visited us because when they did, he'd be unhappy and start a fight. After our first year of being together, I don't think I had one visitor. If someone came to pick me up to go out to dinner or shopping, they'd honk and wait outside if he was home.
Now that we're going to move out, we're having those kind of talks again. I told him I'm not having "what if" conversations about things that NEVER even happened. Then he ends up being bitter and holding in his feelings.
Last edited by constant_ache; 07-10-2011 at 02:06 PM.