Re: Wife moved out 5 months ago. Do you think she will be back?
A few days before she moved out, I took her phone while she was sleeping and cracked the lock code so I could look through it. She has text messages from her female cousin saying that the furniture was moved in for her. When I looked at the number that was saved under her cousins name, it did not match the number I know her cousin has.. so I called it. It was a guys phone and the voicemail said 'hey, this is tom, leave a message' - The next day I asked her who is tom and how do you know him. She asked me what I was talking about, I said don't play games, who is tom. She wanted to know how I got his name. I said, don't worry about it. She insisted I tell her how so I finally did and she then said he is just a guy she works with who helped move some furniture in for her. I asked if anything else was going on that I should know about and she said no...
A week later after she was out of our home, I called my wifes phone to check her voice mail messages (i had the VM code and she didn't know it) - I heard a message from this guy tom saying , "Hey, its me. I am going to be dropping off your washer and dryer soon. Talk to you later, I love you"
After I heard the message, I immediately called her and she eventually answered. I said to her "You wanna tell me the truth now about whats going on with Tom? I already know, Why don't you come clean" - she then said "what do you know" - I said "Im not telling you, I want you to tell me" - so then she replied saying "I don't know what you are talking about" - I then snapped and said I heard your voice mail he left you. I heard him say he loves you. She then said "Hes just a guy that I work with, He has a crush on me and I just liked the attention, nothing is going on, I don't like him that way and I have no feelings for him.. He confessed his love to me at work a few days ago and I told he he shouldnt say that cause Im married"
After the phone call, I drove to her apartment and demanded that she call him in front of me to tell him she loves her husband and he needs to stop saying things to her. She refused. I also accused her and said this is why you moved out, you like this guy. She assured me that was not the reason and that the reason she didn't tell me about him is because she didn't want me to think that was why she moved out.
She said she would tell him to stop on her own time and handle the situation in her own way. I wanted proof that she would say something but she wouldnt give it to me... Since then I have thought about calling this guy she works with myself and tell him to back the f**** off. My wife said it would not be necessary and that she would take care of it.
Since my wife has moved out 5 months ago and this even occurred, she still talks to me and we are in marriage counseling 'trying' to work on our marriage while living separately. However, I believe she may still be talking to this guy a little or that he still hits on her and says he loves her. She has since changed her voicemail password so I can no longer check it. I truly believe my wife is acting like she loves me and wants to work on our marriage but I also wonder if anything else is going on with this guy she works with.
My question is, Why didn't my wife really tell me about this guy? I know I am the jealous type but that kinda stuff is a big deal... Maybe she thought I would make her quit her job, I don't know... Since she didn't tell me about him in the first place and I had to snoop to find out, I wonder what else she is keeping from me. This is the type of stuff that makes me go nuts and act the way I do..
Since we seem to be working on our marriage and I no longer have a way to see if this guy looks at her, hits on her, calls her, ect... Should I believe her in what she said even though she didn't just come out and tell me in the first place? Should I man up and call this piece of sh*t coworker of hers and tell him to back the hell off or there will be trouble? i don't wanna cause problems for my wife at work but Im not sure what else to do... So I just do nothing and focus on working on our marriage with my wife? If she would have straight up told me about him, I wouldnt want to do anything about it because I would feel she was being honest, But because I had to find out on my own, I feel like there is even more to this picture that she isn't telling me... What should I do? I wanna call him up and yell at him so bad (he has a GF of his own so my wife says) but I don't wanna make my wife angry at me for calling him and telling him to back the hell off of my wife. what would you suggest I do?? Please help.
also - I just called my wife before writing this... I asked her to be honest with me and tell me if this guy still hits on her. She said "sometimes". I asked he what she does and she says she just walks away and goes back inside (he talks to her on smoke breaks). I asked her if she ever stayed after work to talk to him in the parking lot. She said yes but not anything recently. I asked if they ever hung out outside of work and she said "no". I then asked the same question of if she has ever hung out with him at all outside of work and she said "no, why". I said I was just wondering. I also asked if he calls her at all and she said he texts her from time to time.... should I ask any other questions or just leave it alone for now?
She also told me that when she was leaving me she was leaving me... but that she decided to work on our marriage instead because I am her husband and she loves me.
I HATE this so much. Should I call this guy? I have his number. I wanna just text him right now and tell him to back off my wife. Should I do that??
Last edited by nottssure; 07-14-2011 at 06:37 PM.