Thank you everyone, for all your kind words. The past week has been the best that I have had in years. I met a wonderfull lady, who shares so many common interests with me and things are going fantastic. It feels so good again to have someone looking forward to talking with me, spending time with me and appreciating all that I have to offer. Things have been going so much better in my life.. I no longer care or even think about what my stbxw is doing these days. I am living my life for me and my daughters.
To everyone who is going through similar situations, I tell you this ... It will get better in time.. Keep faith and know that oneday the sun will shine on you again and you will happy and content in your life...... Best wishes to everyone...
That's fantastic Skin! I've been praying that you'd meet someone that appreciated what a great guy you are! This is the best news to me ever and proof positive that my prayers do count!
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"One day your life will flash before your eyes - make sure it's worth watching!"
I really appreciate you ladies so very much. All your prayers and kind words have meant so much during this difficult time. I have to admit that what I have been feeling for the past few weeks has felt great, to be appreciated, understood and wanted. I have been walking on cloud 9. But it has also scared me too... I dont know If I am ready for something like this yet, I have my doubts, but at the same time I dont want to push away a good woman who definetely cares for me. I have taken things slow for that very reason, no kisses, sex or anything like that, just spending time enjoy each others company. Yet, I am still hesitant to really open up my heart to this woman. We have spoken on the phone for hours like when I was a teenager, she makes me laugh, she listens and she cares what I think, things that had been missing from my marriage and are so appreciated now.
But I am scared, scared of hurting her and being hurt myself. How do I know when I am ready ? will I ever be ready ?. It's these things that keep me up at night. It used to be dreams of my wife, now its thoughts of me doing to another, the very thing that my wife did to me... breaking someone's heart...
Maybe I have answered my own question and don't want to admit it... You all have offered so much good advice... I could really use a different point of view about now..... Thank you all..
Take all the time you need on this one. If she's as sweet as you say, she'll be understanding about you taking things slowly. Honestly, I think most women prefer men who'd rather build a relationship than jump into the physical aspects right away. It lets her know your character.
On the flip side, risk is part of life, unfortunately. You can't protect yourself to the degree where you quit living your life. So, while you need to take your time, you will have to put yourself out there some. Don't do it all at once though. Some mystery is okay. You don't want to bog her down with all your insecurities and concerns. I'm sure she understands you having reservations. Take the time to get to know her. Tell her up front that you're not ready to jump into anything too serious just yet-- that it will take time.
The real upside is you finally have some control in what's happening in your life. You've lived and learned. It's made you stronger. There's no shame in standing up for yourself. Use what you learned to continue to be a caring, understanding man but also a man that won't allow himself to be treated unfairly.
You're on your way, Skin.
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--M22
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.
I agree with M22. If she knows your position and why, she will see your character which is always a good thing. A good woman will respect your honesty and would be grateful to hear it. Just be sure not to ramble on about your past with stbx because that would be a deal breaker....she'd see you aren't ready to move on. I would be very appreciative of a man that is honest and willing to take things slowly.
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"One day your life will flash before your eyes - make sure it's worth watching!"
How long has it been since you've been seperated from your wife? I am just asking because I wonder if it's too early to look for a relationship before your wounds have semi-heeled. This is the question I also have for myself.
To answer your questions its been 9 months since we split up.. Am I ready for a "relationship" ?? I dont know the answer to that. Will i ever be ready?? dont know the answer to that either.. I hope, to one day be able to love again and feel things for another woman that I felt for my wife. But then again there are my doubts.. I have talked it over with my friend and let her know exactly how I feel about going slow and enjoying each others company getting to know each other before things get to serious.
Other than that I dont know Cwife... Do I worry that I might not be ready ? Yes I do.. The the last thing I want to do is hurt this woman.Or myself... I still have my moments of thoughts of my stbxw, to be honest they may always be with me... I hope in time that they are less frequent and will be of happier times but I cant be certain they will ever go away. I loved my stbxw very much, I would have done anything for her. But I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason... What that reason is, is yet to be determined. One way or another life will go on.......
That's a good chunk of time. I can understand not knowing if you are ready!
I think it is safe to take things slow...including the affection for this new woman. I know that it's difficult. You have shown courage by taking the time to try to keep your marriage together. You just couldn't do it alone.....Now take the time, to enter into another serious relationship. I think that is what your heart is telling you.
That's a good chunk of time. I can understand not knowing if you are ready!
I think it is safe to take things slow...including the affection for this new woman. I know that it's difficult. You have shown courage by taking the time to try to keep your marriage together. You just couldn't do it alone.....Now take the time, to enter into another serious relationship. I think that is what your heart is telling you.
Thank you Corpuswife,
I dont know what my heart is telling me these days.. I often wonder if it will fail me again in the end. I would like to think I have grown and learned much from this experience, but honestly, only time will tell. I am enjoying the feelings that I am having, yet I am still scared to some extent, scared of hurting her or myself If I am not entirely ready...I wish in a sense, I could have been more like my wife and moved on so quickly. Then again I'm not anything like her. I have a heart and compassion for other peoples feelings, something my wife lacked for most of our marriage.. Thanks again for your comments and best wishes in your struggles....
I am happy to hear that you are moving on so nicely, it does my heart good. I will send an update from me soon, I have had some good things happen and bad but either way I will catch you up.
The past few weeks have shown me quite a bit about myself. Looking back on some of the things I did in my marriage and the mistakes that I made and what today I would do differently ?.. For one, I would not lose myself.. I gave up so much of myself during my marriage to please my wife, please my family and what did it get me ? nothing, nothing but a loss of respect for myself and a loss of respect from her. Do I blame her..? No I dont blame her for that.. I blame her for other things.. Like cheating on me.. Not respecting me enough to tell me that there were problems with us and allowing me to think everything was fine... For telling me she loved me when in fact she didn't.. for blaming me for everything when all along it was her affair that she was hiding..
I blame myself for not seeing the real her, for seeing her for what I wanted her to be and not the person I knew all along that she was.. For ignoring the red flags from the beginning... for allowing myself to be consumed with giving her and my girls a better life. Only to lose myself, my friends and the little respect and self esteem, I had left for myself.. So many things that in the end will only make me a better person... I blame myself for not seeing sooner what I had become, for allowing my stbxw for treating me with such disrespect for way to long. Those are the things I own, the part of my marriage where I failed not only myself but the people I loved more than anything...Hard lessons learned but one's that needed to be..
Now I see where I failed and what needed to be changed about myself in order to be happy in the future. I will be happy again.. I am starting to feel so much better about what life has in store for me. I have met someone who treats me great, looks forward to seeing me and hearing from me... Things I was lacking in my marriage and feel so good now.... I am more aware of what I need to do and what I wont accept or tolerate in a relationship.. I hope to love someone again the way I loved my wife... That day will come again....... when only the Lord knows...
I have been going through this same situation with my husband of 7 years. He just went off the side. We really did not have a bad relationship, some fighting normal stuff. I have found that one moment he is thinking about getting back together and the next he is wanting a divorce, but he does not want one right now. The mixed signals will kill your heart. I am not ready to give up yet though and if you still love her fight for her. Maybe she wants the chase and a wise man told me that "All you can do is make yourself healthy and happy" and then it will be up to you if you still want the relationship.
Good luck with all of this.. I will be praying for you!
Long time since we spoke. I am so glad to hear you got out of that house and started to breath again. It's amazing how another person who has such interest in you can fill you back up with life isn't it? I'm so happy to see you are living again, good for you man!!!
Just follow your heart with this new love interest. Don't keep looking in your rearview mirror except to see the dust trail your leaving behind for your x to see.... Allow yourself to keep living and allow your heart to love again. We can't live in fear of "what if" so let this lady see that side of you that your pacing it with. You'll know when the time is right and the ladies above are right as well. A woman will respect you for not going for homeplate with them. Besides a little sexual tension is fun to let build up between two people. Play with that a little, both of you will probably enjoy it.
Man I am really pumped to see where your at now after these last few months.
Re: Should I give up ???
I met a wonderfull lady, who shares so many common interests with me and things are going fantastic. It feels so good again to have someone looking forward to talking with me, spending time with me and appreciating all that I have to offer. Things have been going so much better in my life.. I no longer care or even think about what my stbxw is doing these days. I am living my life for me and my daughters.
