Keep doing what you're doing! In my experience the best thing to do is what you're doing - act like you're doing well, like you're not as hurt as you are. Often times when we act a certain way, our feelings catch up with us. You'll always love her and if there is a reconciliation, you'll start off strong and confident, as opposed to weak and vulnerable. Whatever you do, don't get mushy!
Also, if there is a reconciliation, I have some very simple but helpful advice. Listen to her. Not as in take her orders, but as in listen to her thoughts and feelings. It sounds like the situation is very emotionally charged. Good luck, you sound like a really good guy and that's a lot.
Thanks..
i used to think that myslef but she has put so many doubts in my head telling me how its all my fault that she is miserable and I am at fault for all of our marriage problems... after a while it makes you wonder... as for reconciliation I dont think that is an option anymore ,,, the stuff she has said to me can be forgiven..... but never forgotten...
the thing is I am not doing well and she can see that. She has been around me long enough to really see how I feel and whats on my mind. I try and be strong but sometimes my emotions fail me and i can no longer keep up the facade..
thank you for the suggestions ..... I will use them on the next wife.........
In my situation after 8 years together. it took me two years to work up the courage to walk away. I let it go beyond the point of broken. I just couldn't take it anymore, the neglect, the painful words, the violence.
Voivod, said it best, it should not be your mission to 'fix her' or get her to forgive or own her faults.
Each person in the relationship must FIX and work on themselves. If either part does not try, or if its just plain to late, it may be the end.
My husband says he wants to try and be the one I fall back in love with. But his actions have shown me otherwise.
As far as the move you made to cancel the direct deposit into her account. I think you did that out of fear, am I right? Fear that she may continue to have financial control even though you're not together?
After I found out my husband was trying to run up all our cell phone minutes and his family kept harrassing me through texting (using them all up in an attempt to make my bill higher) and saying slanderous things to me. I changed all the passwords to all the bills online and reported his phone lost/stolen. I took back control because I felt threatened. Might your wife feel threatened by your current actions ??
I can only tell you, that if you want this marriage to work, both of you have to work on yourselves and be willing to continue on with each other. If one does want to try and the other does not. It is up to the one who is willing to try against all odds. and the only thing that may save it is the 'tryers' actions and endurance.
Mommy22 raises an excellent point! There must have been something to cause her to feel done after 15 years. Not just one or two fights.
As far as the move you made to cancel the direct deposit into her account. I think you did that out of fear, am I right? Fear that she may continue to have financial control even though you're not together?
NO THE REAON I CANCELED THE DIRECT DEPOSIT WAS THAT SHE WASN'T GIVING ME ANY OF MY PAYCHECK FROM OUR ACCOUNT WHICH I TOLD HER I WOULD NOT TOUCH. SO FOR ALMOST A MONTH ALL I WAS GIVEN WAS 400$ OUT OF CLOSE TO 4000$ TO LIVE OFF OF. I DID IT TO TAKE THE CONTROL BACK.. AND SHE DIDNT LIKE THAT ONE BIT.. IT AHS ALWAYS BEEN HER WAY OR THE HWY. MY OLDEST DAUGHTER FROM MY FIRST MARRIAGE WAS ESTATIC WHEN SHE HEARD THAT WE HAD SEPARATED. "ITS ABOUT TIME YOU LEFT" WERE HER EXACT WORDS.
Might your wife feel threatened by your current actions ??
I KNOW SHE IS THREATENED WHEN I TOLD HER WE WOULD SELL THE HOUSE IN A YEAR AND SPLIT IT SHE THREATENED TO MOVE OUT OF STATE TO NEW MEXICO AND TAKE MY GIRL.. I WOULD SAY THAT SHE IS THREATENED.
I can only tell you, that if you want this marriage to work, both of you have to work on yourselves and be willing to continue on with each other. If one does want to try and the other does not. It is up to the one who is willing to try against all odds. and the only thing that may save it is the 'tryers' actions and endurance.
I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS THE MARRIAGE TO WORK SHE HAS NO DESIRE. SHE FEELS THAT SHE WILL "FIND SOMEONE WHO SHE HAS COMMON INTERESTS WITH " HER WORDS EXACTLY... SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY HEADSTRONG
Mommy22 raises an excellent point! There must have been something to cause her to feel done after 15 years. Not just one or two fights.
M22 WAS CORRECT IN HER ASSUMPTION IF YOU READ BACK IN MY POST I STATED THAT I WASNT ALWAYS THE BEST LISTENER I HEARD HER BUT NEVER REALLY LISTENED. SHE FELT THAT I WOULD NEVER CHANGE BUT SHE NEVER GAVE ME THE CHANCE. I NEVER ABUSED HER OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN FACT I WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK THE MENTAL ABUSE OF CONSTANT CRITICSM FOR WORKING TO MUCH OR WANTING TO MUCH EFFECTION. I FEEL SORRY FOR MY GIRLS THAT THEY STILL ARE SUBJECTED TO HER FLYING OFF THE HANDLE. I WAS A PATSY WHEN IT CAME TO HEAR FOR THE SAKE OF NOT ARGUING...
the more I think about this the better it may be.. I love my wife dearly but she has control issue's that have always been there.
me not wanting to stir the pot went along for way to long..
I have to say.. I am getting to that good place everyone is talking about. the more I look at her the more I smile and think..... better him than me........
M22 WAS CORRECT IN HER ASSUMPTION IF YOU READ BACK IN MY POST I STATED THAT I WASNT ALWAYS THE BEST LISTENER I HEARD HER BUT NEVER REALLY LISTENED. SHE FELT THAT I WOULD NEVER CHANGE BUT SHE NEVER GAVE ME THE CHANCE. I NEVER ABUSED HER OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN FACT I WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK THE MENTAL ABUSE OF CONSTANT CRITICSM FOR WORKING TO MUCH OR WANTING TO MUCH EFFECTION. I FEEL SORRY FOR MY GIRLS THAT THEY STILL ARE SUBJECTED TO HER FLYING OFF THE HANDLE. I WAS A PATSY WHEN IT CAME TO HEAR FOR THE SAKE OF NOT ARGUING...
the more I think about this the better it may be.. I love my wife dearly but she has control issue's that have always been there.
me not wanting to stir the pot went along for way to long..
I have to say.. I am getting to that good place everyone is talking about. the more I look at her the more I smile and think..... better him than me........
I'm glad to hear you're finding that "good place". Keep the faith. You never know, much better things could be in store for you in the future!
__________________
--M22
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.
I'm glad to hear you're finding that "good place". Keep the faith. You never know, much better things could be in store for you in the future!
Thanks M22,
I am working everyday towards finding my "Good place" it is hard still but one day I hope to look back and be able to smile at all the pain I have gone through knowing what I better person I have become beacause of it all..
Hi im in the same situation but mine is with my husband. he moved out a month ago and said he needs space. he tells me it pretty much is over but tells someone else he loves me and there is hope. i dont know what the truth is. keep your head up.can anyone tell me how to start my own posts
Hi im in the same situation but mine is with my husband. he moved out a month ago and said he needs space. he tells me it pretty much is over but tells someone else he loves me and there is hope. i dont know what the truth is. keep your head up.can anyone tell me how to start my own posts
Im sorry to hear you in the same situation as i find myself in. I do know what your going through and my heart goes out to you.
in the begining of the forum you will see "new thread" that is how you start a new one.
I wish you luck and hope all works out for you. I dont know if there is any hope left for my situation. I ove my wife of 15 years dearly and want my family back... but you know women when they set their mind to something its hard to change it.
I am hoping with time she will figure out what she wants in that time i will look at myself pretty deeply to see what mistakes i made and there were a bunch..
Well yesterday was a pretty good day for me I was able to supress most thought of my wife from my head... I felt good and was looking forward to a good weekend .. Today is 100% opposite of yesterday I cant get her out of my mind. Tomorrow it will be a month since I moved out... knowing in the back of my mind that I have only 11 months to try and save my marriage
before its to late. The holidays are going to be tough on me this year knowing that I will be alone for the first time in nearly 20 years scares the heck out of me... Thanksgiving so close was always a good time at home.. now I will be by myself trying not to think of what my wife and girls are doing..... going to make for a long day.... It has been hard staying positive and moving forward knowing thats what i need to do but struggling with doing it...... hopefully today will be a good one...... keep me in your thoughts everyone..........
Well in my state you have to be separated for minimum of one year..... so in a sense.....I only have 11 months left....
buddy, that's an eternity. an it will fly by, i'm sure. keep posting, because there are days when you're gonna wanna do stuff that will set your efforts back, stuff you shouldn't do in the spirit of "trying."
keep us posted.
__________________
separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
buddy, that's an eternity. an it will fly by, i'm sure. keep posting, because there are days when you're gonna wanna do stuff that will set your efforts back, stuff you shouldn't do in the spirit of "trying."
keep us posted.
thanks Voivod,
but its tough man.. I want so bad to contact her and I know thats not the right thing. I have been thinking abouther all morning with no luck of getting her out of my mind.... I know I still have time and I should play hard to get and act like I am fine but its so hard... The urge I have to contact is greater than the one to not..........
Why do you have to be without your girls on Thanksgiving? You don't have to spend it with all of them, but you have the right to see the girls!
I will more than likely spend all day Friday with them...... doing the shopping thing .. I know I have the right and who knows she might even offer the invitation again....
Re: Should I give up ???
Keep the faith. You never know, much better things could be in store for you in the future!
