smart-alecky. are you sure he wasn't standing up for what he thought was right?
we work in restaurants, and the manager had was demanding some very impractical methods. Nothing that is "wrong", just stupid frankly. I also thought he (the manager) was being an idiot, but Joe tried to argue with him (knowing this man was already short-tempered and unpredictable), and I know how he is when he thinks someone is being an idiot - he's not very good at hiding it.
with the knowledge that his "boss" is short-tempered and unpredictable, he should've know of the consequences of "speaking up." it's not fair, but neither is the world.
took his "sweet time?" maybe he thought his "scheme" was going to play out.
this one wasn't a scheme, but he really wanted to work at this new restaurant, and the opening got pushed back a couple times. Still, I really was pretty laid back about it.
i used the words "scheme" because i thought i saw it in your post. hey, if he "really wanted" to work at this new restaurant, commend him for achieving his goal. if the opening got pushed back (it happens) then yes, he should have some contingency plan for income.
"inferiority complex?" maybe a better way to refer to it is "self-esteem issues." a counselor could definitely help him find them.
Call it what you want, but Joe is 30 now, and we have talked about these things before.
you guys "talking about it" doesn't necessarily help him work through self-esteem issue. i've been the top guy in two industries for the past 20+ years, and, as it turns out, many of my marital problems were due to lack of self-esteem. think about the law enforcement officers who many accuse of having "little man syndrome." they might be great cops, but still have self-esteem issues. maybe their "syndrome" makes 'em better cops!
other than a geographical separation, what do you want it to be?
emotional. I didn't want to be talking every day, trying to pretend everything's just fine.
okay, agreed, everything is not "just fine." i think his emotional survival hinges on him acting like everything is "just fine." so long as he is working on the issues that you two have within your relationship, that's okay.
i'm extremely sorry you are hurt, scared and confused. so many of the things you are feeling this way about seem so simple to rectify. and i know it's not simple.
you got that right! lol
good, you're experiencing it, and you know it's not simple. remember that. it's complex.
would him keeping a job for more than a year solve it? not participating in financial "schemes?" having access to credit?
job stability would help. the "schemes" aren't costing anything now, not in the sense of money. But I'm not confident he has a backup plan, which means he could wind up bartending for quite some time. As long as he has a steady job with decent income, I don't care if he bartends forever. But he would be MISERABLE, and don't want to be around that.
okay, your plan for you guys:
1) steady job/decent income+backup plan(what is your idea of a backup plan?)=your confidence in him
2) no "schemes"= maybe he's grown wary of them (are they mlm, get rich quick kinda things???)
3) have a plan for "upward mobility." but what if he WANTS to be the best damned bartender ever??? i hear bartenders can make decent money. and the achievement would maybe lead to greater self-esteem. but i think individual counseling might be the answer for him.
Yet he refuses to consider/create a backup plan because he wants his way so badly. There's nothing wrong with drive and enthusiasm, but at some point you have to be a little realistic, y'know?
why temper his drive and enthusiasm with your version of realism. i'm reminded of the story of abe lincoln. he failed several times on his way to the presidency. but he acheived the hifghest office in the land. anyway, something to thimnk about...
i also mentioned anger management earlier. it can be pretty intense, but it works if he's willing to work on it. i did it years ago (court ordered, i was quite the "fighter" causing me plenty of problems in my mid 20's) 6 of the most productive weeks i've ever had.