My wife says she doesn't love me anymore
My wife and I have been married for 7.5 years. We were junior & high school sweethearts, so really we have been exclusively with each other since the young age of 15. She truly is my soulmate.
We were excited to get married and things were good for a while. My wife said I began changing and wasn't the same person as when we dated in high school. I always felt disappointment in myself for losing this approval, but have been very male and kept all my feelings and emotions bottled up over the years. Her main disappointment in me was that she said I stopped pursuing her and giving her the attention (lots of cuddles and kisses) I did in our high school years. I agree with her and I've always just attributed it to the adolescence hormones and the fact that fooling around when it was "naughty" was more exciting. I'm not sure about this, but I somehow feel that her early disapproval of me as a husband and lover has really hurt me, but being a stone cold guy incapable of acknowledging or facing my emotions I just withdrew.
We did ok in our relationship, we both loved each other, she complained that our intimacy was rather odd infrequent (only once a week) compared to what she considered the norm (5 times a week). Other than that my wife and I enjoyed each others company. One activity we enjoyed together in our first few years of marriage was online gaming (EverQuest to be more precise). I was so excited that my wife had gone out of her comfort zone to try something I enjoyed and it actually turned out to be a great activity for us. It was inexpensive, we spent all our time playing together and it was happy times.
In 2004 we were blessed with our son. We called it quits on gaming together to concentrate on our new baby. My wife was happy that she was finally a mother and I enjoyed being a father.
In 2006, many things happened. We bought our first house and I started at a new job. My wife found out that she was pregnant again that year; however, after 4 months she had a miscarriage. At the time, she didn't show much emotions about it and told me she was "ok" with it because it wasn't a planned child anyway. I offered the support I thought she needed.
That year we also found out our only son had developmental delays and was at risk for autism. My wife took this news pretty hard. My wife got back into playing online MMO's again however I wasn't very interested in playing the game she had chosen. She begged and pleaded me many times to play it with her, and I did reluctantly for a while, but ended up telling her no. She played it on her own for several months.
Then 2008 came, which I can easily say was the worst year of our lives. I lost my job early in the year, and struggled finding a new job. This led to us losing our home in a foreclosure and some other financial difficulties. After a few months of being unemployed and being rejected from several job interviews I began suffering from depression. I wasn't able to offer the things I felt were my responsibility and I could see the stress it brought to my wife. She offered some support and encouragement but she also got frustrated and upset with me and thought my efforts in finding a new job weren't what they should have been.
That brings us to the present day. We lost our home 2 months ago but were fortunate enough to have a nice condo her father purchased that he is allowing some flexibility in when payments come in. This was a great, and I hoped the move into a nice new place (closer to friends and family) would help relieve some stress for my wife and myself. It did... for about a week.
My wife began playing Second Life because she enjoyed MMO's and she was done with the boy ones where you killed stuff, and wanted to stick with the social stuff she loved. I meanwhile continued with my depression and job search and began ignoring my wife and leaving her to her "outlet". She ignored me in return and our communication dwindled to nonexistent.
3 weeks ago my wife went on a weekend getaway to visit one of her girlfriends that had recently moved out of state. My wife asked me if I would miss her while she was gone for the 3 days and I made the mistake of saying "probably not". This was the final straw and I would give anything to be able to go back and change what I said that night.
I missed her all that weekend and felt really bad. When she came home and I picked her up at the airport, I was apologetic but apparently she had made up her mind. She told me she no longer was capable of feeling love for me. She said our previous relationship was over and that if we ever had a chance at staying married, it would all have to "start over". I was devastated but thought that she at least hadn't given up.
Well, the next day I came home from my first day of work in months (a temporary part time job) and I found 2 suitcases at the bottom of the stairs with all my stuff. My wife said she wasn't in love with anymore and she needed time away from me. She gave me a whole laundry list of things she was unhappy with: no cuddling, me not playing the game with her, the pain from her miscarriage that I failed to identify, our lack of intimacy, the disappearance of communication, and unfortunately I did get physical in one argument several years earlier. I had apologized and thought we worked this out, and I have never done anything like this since (I am not an angry or physical person). I felt so terrible, because I knew everything she said was true and it was my fault.
It's now been 3 weeks and I am still as painfully devastated. I am trying to examine and improve myself and I know I did so many things wrong. I neglected my wife's needs, and didn't give her anything to look forward to, or make her feel special in any way. I just don't know what to do. I feel this is all my fault because I know I should have been treating her better and giving her something to look forward to.
I have only seen her a few time to pick up my son and spend some time with him. I have tried letting her know I am sorry and trying to mend things but it seems my communications are just making things worse. I feel like this is totally out of my hands now and all I can do is pray like crazy every day and work on myself so if I ever do get the chance to be with her again I can be the man I need to be.