So did you actually get he paperwork and fill it out already or are you waiting again?
Your wife has been out of control for a long time now. Please protect yourself and your heart and be rid of her. She does not love you.
It's good that your kids know the truth, IMO.l If she tries to blame you or fault you for them knowing tell her "I am not going to lie to them. This is all your doing so you can deal directly with them about it. I am no longer going to cover up your affair. I want a divorce."
I've got the paperwork. I was going to fill it out this weekend and get her to sign it this morning and file today. I decided to spend that time with my kids instead. We had a great weekend, except for the blowup Friday night of course. They are all doing good. We had some small discussions about the divorce Saturday and Sunday. No, I will not lie to them. I'm answering all questions openly and truthfully.
We found a green snake in the woods yesterday. I showed it to the kids and let them play with it for a while. My oldest now wants a pet snake. She asked me if she can have one and keep it at my place when I get my own place.
My 9 year old said last night on the way home that divorce is a sin. I asked if one of her friends had said that at church when they were talking about it. She said they had been talking about the ten commandments at church one time and someone mentioned divorce when they were talking about adultery. I said that God does say, "I hate divorce." However, Jesus himself mentions adultery as grounds for divorce. They asked what adultery is. I told them when a married person has a boyfriend or girlfriend. "Like momma?" "Yes"
Also, we discussed how I've actually spent more time with them during this month of separation than I did before. Before, I would split my time between them and their mother. Very rarely would she do anything as a family. So, I was stuck trying to balance time with her and time with my kids. They say I spent most of my time with her. Their perception is their reality. It probably was actual reality also. They all agreed that we have had more fun together this past month than ever. I told them that is how it will be with the divorce. I can focus solely on them. Eventually, some other woman will come into my life and compete with them for my time. Actually, I will not allow another woman in my life that competes with my time with my kids. Will I make sure we have time alone? Yes. Will I make sure we have time together as a new family? Absolutely. Now, will that requirement make it even more difficult to find a woman? Probably. That's fine, too. I need time to heal anyway. And to help them heal.
I will complete my copy of the divorce papers tonight and tomorrow night. I asked her to please have her version completed by Wednesday night at the exchange of the kids. We'll exchange copies and then discuss the discrepancies on Friday night. Hopefully, we can iron out the differences next weekend and file next Monday. She just called and asked me if that was her copy that is half completed. I told her I had started completing it Friday night. That is not the final copy. If there is something she doesn't like, mark through it and put what she thinks. We'll fill out a final copy once we iron out the discrepancies. So, she is working on it.
I agree that they had all weekend to scheme. The kids will not go with her if she tries to take them to Colorado. If she even tries, I will go for full custody. I do believe it would be best for them to spend time with each of us. Anyway, one day at a time. I'll see Wednesday night how she thinks this is going to play out. Then we'll go from there. Other than her trying to take the kids there, I don't see what they could possibly scheme up. We're getting a divorce. There is no more trying to come up with ways to take it deeper underground or any of the other BS they have done all these months. I hold the cards.
Just got caught up on your thread....
Good for you for moving forward!
I know this can't be easy - for you or your children....
Sounds like she is in a major fog w/the OM and clearly isn't seeing straight....thank goodness your kids have you! I agree with you being open and honest, if our kids can't depend on their own parents to be honest, who can they depend on?
As far as love, you'll find it!
We all deserve it, and I'm sure you will take the lessons you've learned from this relationship and apply it to your next.
We are lucky, we have our childrens love - and it will take someone extra special to be added to their lives. But I know this....the next person to come into my life will have to love my son too....
He is the only person who will love me uncondtionally, and I'll never put him last
Why does she need the paperwork to file? Usually only the party filing divorce needs to file the paper work and have the other party served.
She doesn't have to. I am still hoping to put this dying horse down quickly and peacefully. IF we can agree on everything, we can both file the papers with the court and be done in 4 months for under $300. That is why I printed a copy for her to complete as she thinks and one for me to complete as I think. Then, we will get together and see if we can iron out the differences.
Yeah, I know. I was just telling myself that no matter how it works out, the biggest thing is my kids. Who cares about the money? Money isn't important. My kids are the only thing that matters. I'm stressing about getting the house sold with 3 homes touching our property line for sale, valuing and selling all the junk in the home, a fair timeline and amount for alimony, child support, etc. On the alimony, my attorney I contacted said I would most likely have to pay some. I'm considering coming up with a number and offering it for a max of two years or until the kids meet OM, whichever comes first. I'm just brain storming at this point. I could handle living with my parents or brother for a while. I don't know. There just seems like so much, my brain is kind of on overload at the moment. I've been going through all of this mentally for quite a while, but it is still going to be a large task. It may be worth it to get an attorney, but I guess going through this process will at least get things in order and reduce the costs of the attorney.
Oh brother, these forms are a pain. She is pissed that her internet isn't working. Oh, yeah, I forgot the modem is in my bag I brought with me. Oops. I'm not being fair. She has given me 13 years and I don't want to give her alimony for the rest of her life. I didn't realize I needed to be putting aside money for her pension fund all these years. lol
I told her to call back if she wanted to discuss the details when she could talk in a calm voice. I will not put up with her yelling any more.
Tn, you might as well retain your attorney. I hope I am wrong, be play nice. She is going to expect you to support her in the same manner after the divorce as you did before. She has no intent of getting a job. She will use the "homeschooling" as an excuse as to why she can't work and expects you to provide her with the same life style she is accustomed to. I know you said the attorney you spoke to says you will most likely have to pay alimony; however, with a good attorney and the situation you are in, it could be minimal. Be sure that the attorney you had a consult with is aggressive. Don't take one person's word for it, ask around and get referrals.
You don't need to get so disgusted with your situation that you agree to everything your wife wants just to get it overwith. Stand tough!!
I did ask around. Several independent sources said he is the best around. Yeah, I'll probably be calling him back soon. I worked on the divorce papers a while last night. Her attitude last night makes me think I will have to get the attorney. I'll give it a week or two to see if we can work it out. The paperwork is more detailed and time consuming than I thought it would be. The biggest thing is going to be coming up with a value for all of the stuff in the house. There are hundreds of collectibles, lots of paintings, lots of jewelry, etc. that I have bought her over the years. 13 years of trying to buy her love, I guess. It may be in our best interest to sell as much of it as possible before filing so we can check the box saying we have already divided everything. The other option is for the court to divide it. I don't know how they would do that. Probably force an auction and we split the proceeds. That may be what we end up doing anyway to get rid of it quicker. I want it to be over right now, but I guess some patience would be prudent right now.
She has no intent of getting a job. She will use the "homeschooling" as an excuse as to why she can't work and expects you to provide her with the same life style she is accustomed to.
I agree that is what she is thinking. As I've said before, I do agree with homeschooling in many respects. She has been doing better this past month with it. However, I am still on the fence. I know I need to pull the trigger quickly if I'm sending them to school.
Does your wife realize that you want her to sell all her nice things? Your attorney and her attorney would work out a division of the property in the Divorce Agreement. I worked in a clerk's office when I was in high school and there was a couple that split everything they had, they even divided the hands on a grandfather clock, one got the hour hand and the other the minute hand. Don't remember who actually got the clock though.
Prepare yourself TN. I know you'd like this to be a painless process, but I have a feeling it won't be.
TN, I see advantages to homeschooling. However, if your kids have to go into public school, it isn't the end of the world. Public school will offer them many things that homeschooling can't. I guarantee you that if they do go into public school, they'll love it.