I would be getting the children settled into regular school as soon as possible. With you wife "head over heals" in love with the OM, there's no way she can focus 100% on homeschooling. My husband and I home schooled our daughters when they were in the fifth grade. After a year I realized I could not give 100% to the cause. Unless your wife is completely dedicated your children will be better off in public school.
Yeah, that is what I'm thinking too. I should have pulled the trigger on that while she was in Colorado. She has fulfilled most of my requirements on home schooling. However, some are lacking. This weekend showed her level of committment to him. Also, the kids told me a few things this weekend about when she is there with them.
I'll have to work out a new arrangement for our custody, though. She will never get them up and get them ready for school in the mornings she is there. With the current schedule, I'm only there for Monday and Thursday mornings (and the weekends, but that is irrelevant for this). That leaves Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday that I would be depending on her to get them to school when she is adamant about not wanting to send them. Ugh, divorce sucks! My inlaws live just down the road. They want them to go to school. I may talk to them about getting them to school on the days I'm not there. She certainly won't like that, but she doesn't like any of the consequences of her actions. Oh well, you can't pick up one end of a stick without picking up the other end as well. Actions have consequences. She chose her actions. She must accept the consequences of those actions.
TN what consequences has she had to deal with here?
She is getting you go advance her $$$ so she can go for weekends with the OM
She is getting everything she wants from you.
I'm not trying to be mean here. I'm trying to open your eyes to the fact that you make resolutions and everytime when push comes to shove she negotiates you down to letting get have 100% her way.
Stop letting her cake eat. She needs to feel the pain if her choices.
At this point that had changed for her is that she can now openly carry on with the OM and your still paying all the bills. Posted via Mobile Device
Why can she not get the kids up for school? If she can't do that, how do you expect her to hold down a job?
It's not a matter of "can't". It's a matter of "won't". She wants to homeschool, partly at least to justify me paying her bills. Do you think she will put in the effort to get them up and get them ready for school when that is not what she wants?
I talked to my FIL today. He has offered to let me stay in an extra bedroom there on my nights away from the house. I asked if that is still an option. That way, I can go over and get them ready for school every morning. Another option is that my MIL said she would get them up and ready on the days I'm not there. That one sounds better, actually. None of my options are good. I just have to try to find the least shltty one.
Good grief, what a nightmare. Hindsight is 20/20, but you should have stuck to your plan at the beginning of the year and started them then. I must say, I'm surprised that you admit she is homeschooling so she doesn't have to get a job.
I don't know about the State of TN, but here, if your kids are tardy so many times or absent a certain number of times, the parents are held responsible and fined. This is another opportunity for you to let her suffer a consequence for something. Enroll the kids, tell her they're going and what time they have to be there. If she does not follow through, let her suffer the consequences.
Good grief, what a nightmare. Hindsight is 20/20, but you should have stuck to your plan at the beginning of the year and started them then. I must say, I'm surprised that you admit she is homeschooling so she doesn't have to get a job.
I don't know about the State of TN, but here, if your kids are tardy so many times or absent a certain number of times, the parents are held responsible and fined. This is another opportunity for you to let her suffer a consequence for something. Enroll the kids, tell her they're going and what time they have to be there. If she does not follow through, let her suffer the consequences.
I notice a common thing with these threads with blatant cheating wives - their STBXH want to solve all their problems. Why can't she ask her parents to get kids off to school? Why can't she be left with responsibility and if she can't handle it then I guess she isn't responsible for 50/50 custody? You can't control everything. Unfortunately when marrying you chose sh!t for a co-parent. You can't fix that. I know, I had to accept the same. It was tough, he fell and the kids came to me. I couldn't save them from him until he suffered natural consequence to his irresponsible behaviour.
Mine couldn't make a decent lunch to save his life. Kids got given a lunch like poor kids. They were embarrassed, school called me, then called him, counselors got involved - bam couldn't have them school nights anymore. Posted via Mobile Device
Well, maybe that would be good for her to see some consequences. But it would also be bad for my kids. I wouldn't let them suffer consequences just so she can as well. That is what I want to avoid if I possibly can. My focus is on them.
Well, maybe that would be good for her to see some consequences. But it would also be bad for my kids. I wouldn't let them suffer consequences just so she can as well. That is what I want to avoid if I possibly can. My focus is on them.
You can't control everything. You can't save them from the woman you chose as their mother. It's a hard lesson, but rather than running like a chicken with head cut off trying to save her, you have to let her fall then rescue kids. Posted via Mobile Device
TN your kids are already suffering because of her actions and so are you. She is the only one who isn't. It's no wonder she hasn't changed her actions. What reason would she have? Posted via Mobile Device
Sounds stupid, but you may have to stipulate that she has to get the kids to school on her days with them in the divorce settlement. This should go without saying, but maybe having it in there with a penalty of losing custody, might make her be responsible.
I think you need to go to a lawyer and quit worrying about doing the divorce for $300. It might cost a few thousand, but this will be the start of your new life. Sounds like custody and schooling and her working are all things that you won't be able to agree to in an 'uncontested divorce', unless of course you allow her to do whatever she wants.
We all know you are thinking of your kids and I really admire you for that. I think she will get them to school on time TN. You are worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet and may not. If she doesn't, all the better for you in terms of custody. Tell the Judge it would be in the childrens' best interest to live with you and allow your wife every other weekend visitation due to her inability to get the kids to school etc.
And it might be cheaper in the long run to pay someone to tell her "no". It doesn't seem as though you have much luck or skill keeping boundaries with her. If you turn it over to an attorney to deal with, you'll likely get much better results for you and your kids.
Damn it, I know. A leopard can't change it's spots. I'm not even concerned about the $300 vs the several thousand. It's just that IF she would be an adult and work things out amicably, it would be soooo much easier on the kids. I suppose that is just like saying IF she would give up this wonderful, perfect, ugly, greasy, worm, we may have had a chance at reconciliation. She is what she is. It'll be over soon enough, so I just need to accept that I have tried my best to keep it easy on the kids and deal with the ugliness she is going to dish out. They see who is trying to do what's best for them. They were excited about going to school anyway. They'll probably be happy with it. I was concerned with the divorce's effect on them as well. They made me realize my time with them has already increased in both quantity and quality with the separation. The school will most likely be the same way.
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Re: Day 1 of separation 
