Things are going pretty well. Neither one has filed yet. We've just kind of been moving on. We haven't fought or anything in a few weeks. We don't talk much and then it's about the kids, etc. I've been going out and meeting lots of old friends on Facebook. It's sad that I have 3 friends with cancer. I've run into several old flames, but they all have new names. lol I'd say I am about 90% detached emotionally. It is what it is. The future looks pretty interesting instead of scary like it used to.
good to hear- when do you think the divorce will be final?
I don't know. It will be at least 4 months from the time we file. I'm not in a hurry. Sometimes, I think I should just go ahead and file and get it over with. But, that piece of paper doesn't really make any difference. I've seen so many that focus on the date the divorce is going to be final as if it is a magic pill that makes everything better. Several seem to be disappointed when it comes and nothing is magically better.
I'm moving on and focusing on becoming a better person all around. I won't be ready to date emotionally for a while. I feel better now than I have in a very long time. I've listened to Nickelback's song "If today was your last day" about a hundred times this past week or two. I recommend watching that video.
That piece of paper certainly does make a difference. Not in the state of your emotional relationship, but in the state of your legal relationship. As long as you're still married on paper, you still have certain legal obligations, rights, responsibilities and liberties that don't apply when you're actually divorced. Likewise, the longer the papers aren't filed, and you continue growing your social circle, the more ammunition she has to make you look bad and get her way in the divorce. You know the marriage is effectively dead. She knows it. We all know it. But the judge doesn't know it. I wouldn't want you to even give the illusion of giving up the high ground in light of what all she's done.
And what have we ever done to you but give advice, that you want to torture us with Nickleback? ;-) Posted via Mobile Device
Things are going pretty well. Neither one has filed yet. We've just kind of been moving on. We haven't fought or anything in a few weeks. We don't talk much and then it's about the kids, etc. I've been going out and meeting lots of old friends on Facebook. It's sad that I have 3 friends with cancer. I've run into several old flames, but they all have new names. lol I'd say I am about 90% detached emotionally. It is what it is. The future looks pretty interesting instead of scary like it used to.
Good to hear you are moving on emotionally at least. I'm struggling with that the last two weeks. I've made all the 'moves' I can up to now (filed D, filed custody, got a place, half moved in) but I'm stuck living under the same roof as my STBXW and doing the 180 the best I can while tending to our children's daily needs. We basically pretend the other doesn't exist while we're both in the house together.
And I'm lonely. Very lonely right now. I long for the days past when I could hug my W or cuddle with her in bed. I feel like we both have severed the tether of our relationship but I'm continually drawn back to past memories and what I have lost. I pray for the future when I'm better able to cope with the detachment part of this life changing event.
I don't know. It will be at least 4 months from the time we file. I'm not in a hurry. Sometimes, I think I should just go ahead and file and get it over with. But, that piece of paper doesn't really make any difference. I've seen so many that focus on the date the divorce is going to be final as if it is a magic pill that makes everything better. Several seem to be disappointed when it comes and nothing is magically better.
I'm moving on and focusing on becoming a better person all around. I won't be ready to date emotionally for a while. I feel better now than I have in a very long time. I've listened to Nickelback's song "If today was your last day" about a hundred times this past week or two. I recommend watching that video.
I'll probably be filing mine in a couple weeks, just waiting for the lawyer to finish writing it up. Yesterday for the first time I started to prepare myself emotionally specifically for the reality of making it all official - I think it will be emotional, but I'm not expecting it to have any affect on my ongoing life. No Nickelback for me
Good to hear you are moving on emotionally at least. I'm struggling with that the last two weeks. I've made all the 'moves' I can up to now (filed D, filed custody, got a place, half moved in) but I'm stuck living under the same roof as my STBXW and doing the 180 the best I can while tending to our children's daily needs. We basically pretend the other doesn't exist while we're both in the house together.
And I'm lonely. Very lonely right now. I long for the days past when I could hug my W or cuddle with her in bed. I feel like we both have severed the tether of our relationship but I'm continually drawn back to past memories and what I have lost. I pray for the future when I'm better able to cope with the detachment part of this life changing event.
Maxter, I can relate... At this point I'm definitely ready to date "emotionally" ie I want to real bad, which probably means that psychologically I should keep myself away, but honestly the idea of being ready first has lost its lustre (not that it ever really had any). I think I have emotionally detached, but it seems the only way to tell for sure is by going out with a woman and not get hung up on the separation, kind of a catch 22, because without the confidence it seems impossible to meet a worthy woman to date, yet you don't want to settle for less knowing that you are just using someone... atleast having the divorce still in the future gives me the excuse to not worry about my failing attempt at getting out there!
And what have we ever done to you but give advice, that you want to torture us with Nickleback? ;-)
lol. That song and video rock. I do get what you are saying about the legal part of the divorce. I was not able to be amicable for a while. Even though we were already separated and everything, that last weekend trip she took reallllllyyyy set me back in several ways. The total separation with practically no contact has been good for me to get myself back together.
I'm getting to where I can talk to her fine. We are civil. I did tell her a few nights ago that we should probably go ahead and get the paperwork completed and turned in.
And I'm lonely. Very lonely right now. I long for the days past when I could hug my W or cuddle with her in bed. I feel like we both have severed the tether of our relationship but I'm continually drawn back to past memories and what I have lost. I pray for the future when I'm better able to cope with the detachment part of this life changing event.
Yeah, the lonely part sucks. I've started getting on Facebook and reconnecting with old friends. That has kept me pretty busy. I have one in particular that I plan to start spending some more time with. I'm planning on going to help him with some yard work this weekend, if he is up to the company. I served with his brother in Desert Storm. He was killed shortly after we got back. My friend was at boot camp at the time. I served with him for several years as well. He has cancer and is getting chemotherapy today. He has kids about the same age as mine. I think I'll start going over to visit him a lot on the weekends. Maybe you can find an old friend to spend some time with to help on the loneliness.
I don't think I could have started becoming detached living under the same roof. It's hard even not seeing her very often at all. We've been separated 2 1/2 months now, so it's getting easier.
My mistake...I thought you said Nickelback. But I the song and video rock, it can't be them. :-p
(Sorry...there's only one Nickelback song and video that I like...and the video isn't the video for the song I like. Lol. Although I do get a chuckle out of hearing the overlapping recordings of their first two big hits revealing them to be the same frakkin music. And, had a fun exchange with a friend about their song "Photograph." In response to the line, "And what the hell is on Joey's head," I said, "It's called hair, doofus." A friend countered, saying that, if you see the video, you see he has something funny looking on his head. I came back with, "If your SONG requires a VISUAL aid to properly convey the meaning, you've failed as a songwriter." :-D ) Posted via Mobile Device
lol. I admittedly don't know much about them. I just came across that video and it hit home with me for several reasons. That and the video about wanting to be a rockstar. It is filled with lots of things many people want. However, there is some wisdom thrown in there. There are a few questions asked.
1) What do you want?
2) What do you need?
3) How are you going to get it?
With my life completely changing, those are the very questions I am asking myself. I'm at a crossroads. I am basically free to do whatever I want. I need to answer these questions and work on getting what I want.
"Rockstar" is actually the video that I like. I can kinda tolerate the song, but it's nowhere near being a favorite. That said, any video with Billy Gibbons and (more importantly) Eliza Dushku is OK in my book. The song I like is "Figured You Out." It's just a good song for frakkin dirty. ;-) Don't think I've ever seen the video for it. Posted via Mobile Device
HurtinginTN, listen well to what Grayson is advising you. As for facebook, it's wonderful that you're reconnecting with old friends, but be careful what you post on your wall or on someone else's wall. Don't post things like talking about plans for going out, or meeting females, etc. All this can and will probably be used against you if things get ugly in court. Also, ask your friends not to post pictures that you're in and not to tag you in any pictures. It's probably not a good idea to have pictures posted that show you partying or drinking. If you must communicate with someone, do it thru PM only, that way nothing is visible on your wall.
My friend is going through his divorce right now and he brings me along on most of his appointments with his lawyer as moral support. She advised him that if he has facebook, to get off of it until the divorce is over. Fortunately for him, he doesn't post anything anyway, while his STBXW if posting all these lovey sayings about her boyfriends, posting pictures of her partying on her GNOs, etc. She's basically screwing herself.
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Re: Day 1 of separation 
