Glad to hear your doing pretty well HIT. Keep your head up and get those papers filed. its definately no magic pill but at least you are then officailly free to do what you want.
Likewise, the longer the papers aren't filed, and you continue growing your social circle, the more ammunition she has to make you look bad and get her way in the divorce. You know the marriage is effectively dead. She knows it. We all know it. But the judge doesn't know it. I wouldn't want you to even give the illusion of giving up the high ground in light of what all she's done.
I agree with this. I will post about life on Facebook. I don't have anything to hide. What I do will only show the positive changes I am working on. Which will serve a couple of purposes as a bonus side effect. If she wants to bring up the Facebook, it is there showing the things I've done with the kids, etc. Also, it shows potential future dates the time I am spending with my kids. I'm just planting seeds. Acorns, actually. It will be quite a while before I harvest the fruits of the effort I am putting in.
Given all of that, why do we worry about what a judge would think? It is pretty obvious in many of our cases that the courts don't give a flip about affairs. Why would it matter if I found some magic love potion # 9 and slept with a dozen different women every day as far as the courts are concerned? (Note to self: start working on love potion #9) It seems like we worry about "looking good" to the courts when it doesn't really matter.
I agree with this. I will post about life on Facebook. I don't have anything to hide. What I do will only show the positive changes I am working on. Which will serve a couple of purposes as a bonus side effect. If she wants to bring up the Facebook, it is there showing the things I've done with the kids, etc. Also, it shows potential future dates the time I am spending with my kids. I'm just planting seeds. Acorns, actually. It will be quite a while before I harvest the fruits of the effort I am putting in.
Given all of that, why do we worry about what a judge would think? It is pretty obvious in many of our cases that the courts don't give a flip about affairs. Why would it matter if I found some magic love potion # 9 and slept with a dozen different women every day as far as the courts are concerned? (Note to self: start working on love potion #9) It seems like we worry about "looking good" to the courts when it doesn't really matter.
The reason is the key you stated bro. The kids it plays a big part in what happens on that end.
I agree with this. I will post about life on Facebook. I don't have anything to hide. What I do will only show the positive changes I am working on. Which will serve a couple of purposes as a bonus side effect. If she wants to bring up the Facebook, it is there showing the things I've done with the kids, etc. Also, it shows potential future dates the time I am spending with my kids. I'm just planting seeds. Acorns, actually. It will be quite a while before I harvest the fruits of the effort I am putting in.
Given all of that, why do we worry about what a judge would think? It is pretty obvious in many of our cases that the courts don't give a flip about affairs. Why would it matter if I found some magic love potion # 9 and slept with a dozen different women every day as far as the courts are concerned? (Note to self: start working on love potion #9) It seems like we worry about "looking good" to the courts when it doesn't really matter.
I'd worry about what a judge thinks because he/she's the one who will make a determination on custody of the kids. Up til now, you've had a very strong case for primary/sole custody. That she had an affair, period, wouldn't have much of an impact there. However, toss in the facts of her abandoning the family and taking the family's sole means of transportation for a two-week cross-country booty call, then her weekend taking that same sole means of transportation to again abandon the family so she could shack up with Mr. Wonderful, on top of her having no visible means of providing for the kids, and there's a pretty strong case in your favor.
Now, let's spin the current status like her lawyer probably will. Sure, she had lapses in judgment, but she's here for the kids now. You've been verbally abusive (she's shown willingness to use this tactic by using it with your daughter). And now that you've decided you're done with her, you're going out at night, spending money at bars when you know you should be more frugal for when the D is final, chatting up women, some of whom are half your age.
And that's me as a layman spinning things. Imagine what an attorney can come up with.
So, worrying about what the judge thinks isn't about the divorce itself. That will happen sure enough. It's about getting a disposition that's best for the kids, and that's going to be based on who can paint the better picture. Posted via Mobile Device
TN, you need to heed Grayson's warning. Legally, you are still married. You need to be cautious until the divorce is final. Don't do anything to portray yourself in a negative light. Hold off on the dating and partying until after the divorce. File and be done with it so that you and your kids can start your brand new life.
You would think I would be over the blubbering mess stage by now. I have been doing very well for a while. Today, we got into it at the exchange. I fell into the pit and engaged her. I left, but she called and I answered. We talked the whole hour commute to work. I called lover boy a few choice words. She said that is not true (of course). I said he will always be a POS in my eyes and there is nothing she could ever do to change that. She said, "Well, you aren't worthy of getting to know him. He is too good for you." I hung up and haven't talked to her since.
I know in my mind not to engage her. I have done very well for weeks in not doing that. I also know not to take anything she says personally. However, I can't stop the damn tears today. It's almost like I've reverted right back to D-day. I can't eat. I can't stop the tears. I even walked over and bought some cigarettes. I haven't smoked in a month or so.
Maybe I am just crazy. After all of this time, I shouldn't let her bother me like this.
Oh hellllll,, as if she was capable of making a determination on who was worthy of what.
Man,, FK that situation, and that moron shes in fantasy land with... Geez how ridiculous!!!!
Tell her to make sure he's not playing spades with any other women on the side... you know... for "her" sake....
just to get that seed planted.
Or dont.
It appears they will say and do anything to make what they've done to their lives and their kids out to be okay.
If theres nothing remotely tangible to use, they will simply lie.
But hey, Im still trying to make sense out of the insensible, and find logic out of the illogical.
Dont get caught up in that... Its all crazy-talk.
Hurt ... you are waffling. She doesn't take you seriously. She is cake eating and you are allowing.
The only answer is to file. It may or may not be the end. She may actually take you seriously. She may actually show she cares. Not sure if you want that or not.
Without filing you will be in limbo land forever. I know you have a ton of excuses why you can't file right now, but forget those and get it done.
My guess is she is still home schooling and if you test the kids, they will still be behind.
You would think I would be over the blubbering mess stage by now. I have been doing very well for a while. Today, we got into it at the exchange. I fell into the pit and engaged her. I left, but she called and I answered. We talked the whole hour commute to work. I called lover boy a few choice words. She said that is not true (of course). I said he will always be a POS in my eyes and there is nothing she could ever do to change that. She said, "Well, you aren't worthy of getting to know him. He is too good for you." I hung up and haven't talked to her since.
I know in my mind not to engage her. I have done very well for weeks in not doing that. I also know not to take anything she says personally. However, I can't stop the damn tears today. It's almost like I've reverted right back to D-day. I can't eat. I can't stop the tears. I even walked over and bought some cigarettes. I haven't smoked in a month or so.
Maybe I am just crazy. After all of this time, I shouldn't let her bother me like this.
No, its perfectly normal. Just don't break down in front of her. You've made great strides which is evident since you didn't do it in front of her. She knows EXACTLY how to push your buttons because she was your wife for many years. You actualy should take it personally, because she's doing everything to get under your skin. I don't know how much more personal you can get than that.
Let it out dude as long as she isn't around to see or hear it. You will recover, I promise that. Eventually there will come a time when she can do everything to push your buttons and it won't affect you. That time is in the future. Believe me, I've been through it. For now, get busy so you can get your mind off of it.
Hurt - why are you you still engaging her or letting her engage you on this stuff? She talking to you like you're a roommate or girlfriend. It's like she wants you to be accepting of this S. O. B.
WTF??
Come south my friend and bring the kids!
Does she have a job yet? I'll bet not. You're letting her cake eat. She gets the financial and household needs met with you and gives her heart needs to P. O. S.
Cut the crap. It's hard to face. We get it. Some of those out here have lived it and some are living it right along with you.
Drop the rope buddy. It's not worth your mental health. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: Day 1 of separation 
