Day 1 of separation

joe kidd · 06-08-2012, 04:45 PM

Best of luck hurt.

HurtinginTN · 06-13-2012, 12:32 PM

She still has that phone. There has been a lot of discussion about it. It's free, so why not keep it? There is a contract so he has to pay it either way, so why not use it? Of course, I don't agree with that logic. I do have a plan to get a replacement.

I have not gone to therapy, but I have dug diligently into the reasons I have done the things I have done. I've been keeping a journal, reading some good books, and studying the Bible regularly. Lots of time on my knees.

I know there is no hope for my marriage as long as she holds on to anything related to that man. That is her choice to make. Nothing I do can force her to do it. I'm just working on becoming that man that I should be. Regardless of what happens to the marriage. I am a better man than I was before all of this garbage. That is the only thing I can control, my own personal growth. She does claim no contact with him and my gut says it is true. I'll know if it is not.

pidge70 · 06-13-2012, 12:45 PM

How many times have you been wrong before though?
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turnera · 06-13-2012, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HurtinginTN

She still has that phone. There has been a lot of discussion about it. It's free, so why not keep it? There is a contract so he has to pay it either way, so why not use it? Of course, I don't agree with that logic. I do have a plan to get a replacement.

Then why not do it today? You staying in your marriage while she keeps HIS PHONE puts you right back at Doormat #1 status. Come on, Hurt, you're stronger than this. Stop making excuses. Man up and LEAD your family like the Bible says to. THAT is what she's waiting for.

Shaggy · 06-13-2012, 01:59 PM

Can you take the phone and make a long distance call to a time info or something like that to use up the minutes and to cost him money? Bleed the OM dry. Hell cancel the phone when he gets the bill.
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Almostrecovered · 06-13-2012, 02:00 PM

I really wish I knew what to say to you Hurt other than good luck

turnera · 06-13-2012, 02:08 PM

Who's paying the phone bill?

HurtinginTN · 06-13-2012, 02:37 PM

He's paying the phone bill. "He has a good rate through his work." The phone issue will be addressed tonight.

SadSamIAm · 06-13-2012, 02:47 PM

I say find a 1-900 number and max it out.

Your wife will respect you if you stand up to this crap. If she doesn't .... oh well.

turnera · 06-13-2012, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SadSamIAm

I say find a 1-900 number and max it out.

Seriously!

No, the real answer is to communicate your unwillingness to put up with it.

turnera · 06-13-2012, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HurtinginTN

The phone issue will be addressed tonight.

Good.

HurtinginTN · 06-14-2012, 11:24 AM

We had a good discussion last night. I showed her the phones that I had found that we can get on a family plan. She does not want to do that right now.

I had forgotten one very important factor. I am a wayward spouse. Or was. Her D-Day was only a couple of months ago or so. My actions were quite a bit in the past and there is no temptation on my part to ever go there again. I am quite disgusted with myself on the things I did. However, they are new to her. She is still dealing with that. We discussed it a good bit. It was a calm discussion and not a fight.

I have done what is recommended for wayward spouses. I told the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I answered every single question promptly and honestly. No trickle truth, no covering up, total and complete transparency. I have made many positive changes, but I have to give her time to process it. I can't push it. I was thinking about the case on here this morning of the couple where he had been posting for a while and then she started a thread as well. I can't remember the names, but she seemed very remorseful. Then, more information came out that she had made out with OM when she had already said she had told the complete truth. I believe the last I heard that they had decided to split. No matter how remorseful she was, that was an understandable choice on his side. It is her choice.

I do believe things are warming up, though. It will be a slow road, but one I must travel. I did things I shouldn't have done, so I must pay the consequences of moving slowly. As one good friend keeps telling me, concentrate on the relationship and not the affair. Build a relationship that is solid and there will be no worry about any other men.

If I hadn't been unfaithful as well, I suppose the hard road may be the way to go. But I was, so patience and understanding look to be the way to go. It has to come from her heart or it will be no good. I could force the issue on getting rid of the phone, but if it's not from her heart, she could just get another one. I have dug a very deep hole in the love bank department and it will take time to get a positive balance back.

On a very positive note, she did give me an extremely uplifting compliment last night.

pidge70 · 06-14-2012, 11:36 AM

I wish you both the best of luck. You are going to need it.
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SadSamIAm · 06-14-2012, 12:18 PM

I don't see the significance of the phone situation and you being a WS!

What difference does it make? You are both WS. You both need the same in regards to your phones.

HurtinginTN · 06-14-2012, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pidge70

I wish you both the best of luck. You are going to need it.
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Thanks, Pidge! I hope you are doing well.