How many times have you been wrong before though? Posted via Mobile Device
The gut has been right every time. There were times I ignored it and didn't want to listen to it. After all that surveillance stuff I did to try to convince myself the gut wasn't right, I learned to trust it. It is very wierd how that gut feeling works. I don't understand it, but I trust it.
I just wish my gut worked as well in Tunica. My gut shots on 5,7 off suit rarely work out. lol
I fail to see what you being WH has to do with getting rid of a phone that you BOTH KNOW is bad for your marriage. Looks more to me like you just aren't comfortable shaking the doormat off your back. That's not a dis; it's concern. She will only respect - and WANT you - if you act more strongly than you have.
You stated, she balked (and maybe brought up YOUR issues), and you caved. Back to Step 1.
Burning the minutes may feel good, for the time being, but it will NOT solve the inequality in your marriage - only YOU can fix that, Hurt. And you know it. Time to use all that stuff you say you've been learning and LEAD your family.
I fail to see what you being WH has to do with getting rid of a phone that you BOTH KNOW is bad for your marriage. Looks more to me like you just aren't comfortable shaking the doormat off your back. That's not a dis; it's concern. She will only respect - and WANT you - if you act more strongly than you have.
You stated, she balked (and maybe brought up YOUR issues), and you caved. Back to Step 1.
Me being a WH has to do with the fact that she doesn't know if she wants to stay in a marriage to a man that has cheated on her for the whole marriage. I didn't get into the exaggeration of that statement (whole marriage). I did discuss it a bit in a calm manner.
Burning the minutes would feel good temporarily. So would smashing the phone like I did the other one. That did feel good, actually. But she is right. The decision to give up the phone has to come from her heart or it's no good anyway.
Her compliment that came later in the night tells me things are going in the right direction. There are changes taking place. I'll be patient and back off on the phone. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. I choose not to fight that one. She knows my stance. I know hers. As 8YearsCheating has been telling me, concentrate on the relationship and not the affair. Once the relationship is rock solid, none of that will matter. There will be no desire or need for any other men.
42 Days ago, I was done. I picked up the Love Dare. I figured, why not give it a shot. I can stand on my head for 40 days. I thought it would be corny and stupid. I didn't think it would be any good. I was pleasantly surprised, actually. There have been very pleasant results. I'll continue with that path for now and be patient on the phone. It'll go soon enough.
Me being a WH has to do with the fact that she doesn't know if she wants to stay in a marriage to a man that has cheated on her for the whole marriage. I didn't get into the exaggeration of that statement (whole marriage). I did discuss it a bit in a calm manner.
Well, that makes perfect sense. After all, if she's unsure about staying married to you, the only reasonable course of action for her to have a cell phone is to continue to be beholden to Mr Wonderful, who she supposedly has had no contact with for months. I mean, it's not like there are pay-as-you-go phones available, or that she knows where and how to get one. Oh...wait....
Or, to put it less sarcastically, she doesn't want to get a phone with you on a family plan, because she's not sure she still wants to be tied to you. Yet she's more than happy to keep the phone that Mr Wonderful is providing, thus still tying herself to him. What's the gut say about that? Posted via Mobile Device
I do have access to the phone log. I also peeked at her journal. (I know! Invasion of privacy. Bad, Bad, Bad) The relationship finally died a natural death.
As far as our relationship, it is cordial at the moment. She is having a hard time dealing with my sins. I am dealing with her actions as well. No more denial. We are both facing the facts and dealing with them instead of hiding them and sweeping them under the rug.
I have also had an interesting few days in regards to releasing my hatred toward OM. In church Sunday morning, the teacher passed out yellow sticky notes at the end of the class. He said for us to write 3 names down of people to pray for. OM immediately popped in my head. For a long time, I have considered him to be my nemesis, my Dr. Doofensmirtz. At first, the thought of praying for him was very repugnant. However, it is giving me peace. Letting go of the hatred is very relieving. I realize that my hatred of him didn't bother him at all. But it has been eating me alive. Looking at him as a human being and working on a forgiving spirit has been very freeing.
Hurt, you're still at this? Wow, I haven't read any of your posts since last year. Yeesh.
She's cheating, you're cheating, you're doing this in front of the kiddos, she doesn't want to give up a phone associated with the OM...is this life worth it? Is this what you want your life to be?
I agree with Kathy Griffin Fan ... I've read through this and this is nuts.
I don't mean to sound harsh but as a fellow Marine infantryman, on active duty for about 17 years it saddens me to have read about the 'culture' of infidelity you talked about a few pages back. Trust me, I know this happens but I'm a believer in the leadership traits one of them being loyalty. If you were making the comfort based decision of engaging with prostitutes throughout your marriage, I'm quite certain your lack of loyalty towards your wife/family directly affected your marriage whether she was aware of it or not. You reap what you sow ...
Brother, I'm not judging you as we are all faulted and I pray that you both seek counseling and resolve your problems whether it be divorce or reconciliation for the sake of the kids -- after all, you are their example. Make it a good one.
I don't mean to sound harsh but as a fellow Marine infantryman, on active duty for about 17 years it saddens me to have read about the 'culture' of infidelity you talked about a few pages back. Trust me, I know this happens but I'm a believer in the leadership traits one of them being loyalty. If you were making the comfort based decision of engaging with prostitutes throughout your marriage, I'm quite certain your lack of loyalty towards your wife/family directly affected your marriage whether she was aware of it or not. You reap what you sow ...
Yes, I agree. When I first confessed, I used that as an excuse. To myself, mainly. There was no excuse. It wasn't throughout the marriage, not that that makes it any better. There were a couple of times about a decade ago. Then, I went through a period of a couple of months or so during her open online affair period where I frequently took a long lunch to areas I knew I could find some company. There were several during that short time frame. Once ever was way too many.
I agree 100% on the reap what you sow part. I sowed and I believed I reaped an abundant harvest.
I have learned a lot during this process. There were a lot of wrong thoughts that contributed to my actions. A lot of wrong ideas. It has been a painful experience, but one I have learned from.
She's cheating, you're cheating, you're doing this in front of the kiddos, she doesn't want to give up a phone associated with the OM...is this life worth it? Is this what you want your life to be?
For what it's worth, I'm not cheating any more. It has been well over a year since my little month or two of total idiocy. It has been well over a decade since my other couple of infractions. What I did was wrong. I am very remorseful and repentant.
But, to answer your question. No, this is not the life I want. I put up with it hoping for change. I deserve it for sowing my seeds of stupidity. Or at least I thought I did. I did the crime and I have done the time. I do believe I have served a fair amount of time for my sins. I have forgiven her and OM. She has not been able to forgive me. I have kept holding on thinking it will just take time. She has to go through the stages. I'd been working through the stages longer than she has so I should be patient and understanding. Blah, blah, blah.
Pardon my saying, Hurting, but now I seems like you're sticking around as a sort if punishment for your own straying...that you want the proverbial stink-eye and whatever other method of "How could you?" That she dishes out to you. That's not healthy. For you or (you guessed it) the kids. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: Day 1 of separation 
