wow, H.I.T ... Your reality is scary to me as I am close to following in your footsteps.( we are discussing separation first) I just wonder, when do you know you have given it your all ? How long has this mess been going on for you ?
TN, I am very sorry that it didn't work out for you; however, you gave it 110%, but she wasn't willing to put forth her share. You deserve someone better than her. You will meet someone who will love you and your kids. I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason and it all works out well in the end. You sound like a great guy and I know you won't have any trouble meeting someone new. I am also a firm believer that you get what's coming to you eventually too and she will get hers and regret losing you sometime down the road.
Are you using attorneys or trying the courthouse route?
sorry, missed this question the other day (in case it was directed at me). I am going through attorney - the courts have a kit, except it makes no provision for infidelity so that means waiting until next May until we can file. Also, we still have to go through attorneys to get the inter-spouse agreements done anyway (property, childcare agreement, spousal support etc).
TN.....
Are the kids attending public school this Fall or is she going to still homeschool them? Does she realize she has to find a job, is she looking for one? Posted via Mobile Device
Hurt, I too am sorry to that it came to this but I am so HAPPY that you will finally be free of this nightmare.
I also understand where you are going but remember you DO have a good hand. Make sure the pot your winning is adequate for what YOU and the KIDS need, my man.
Keep your chin up brother, we are with you in this.
wow, H.I.T ... Your reality is scary to me as I am close to following in your footsteps.( we are discussing separation first) I just wonder, when do you know you have given it your all ? How long has this mess been going on for you ?
~sammy
I certainly hope you don't follow in my footsteps. It has been a long, painful road. Only you will know when you have given it your all. I guess that is different for each person. There are many things I could have done differently, but I don't think the outcome would have been different. It just would have come sooner. My suggestion is if your spouse wants out, let them go. That "let them go" thread is dead on, in my opinion. It is impossible to compete with fantasy. Affairs are totally fantasy. Perhaps if I had forced the fantasy into reality from the very start, it would have all been over long ago.
It's been around 13 or 14 months or so altogether. For several months, it was just playing a game online (Spadester) with him practically every night. In February, it escalated into phone calls. About a month ago, it went into a trip to be with him for 2 weeks.
I was away from the computer for a few days. Before I left I had been checking your old thread for new action as I feel for you and wondered how her 'want the marriage' was lasting.
I am sincerely sorry it didn't work out for you. You gave her a great deal more chances to do the right thing than most people would. For that you can hold your head high.
I haven't seen any answers from you regarding your kids schooling for the fall. I hope they are going to public school as their test scores showed that home schooling wasn't working for them. Also, your ex will need to be working.
Be firm in dealing with the separation/divorce. You owe it to your children to do what is best for them. What is best for them is for you to be with them the majority of the time and for you to have the resources to look after them. You know that your wife hasn't been and won't be as committed to them as you have been and will be.
woman needs to get a job, i have started my third week soldering on teeny tiny circuit boards, after doing daycare and staying home for 6 years, she needs to et her arse out there and hit the pavement!!!
me and h will be filing soon, as soon as our bankruptcy is through, and i am eligible for insurance thru the new job.
i wish your w wasnt such a money grubby fool. i will not take alimony from my stbx, just fair support for my children, am in process of securing apt for me and the kiddies.
i told you the other day you really need to put the kiddies in public school, but they are your kids not mine, lol. you do what you think is best, you know i got your back. Posted via Mobile Device
They are being home schooled with several strict stipulations. The calendars (time invested) are to be kept up and inspected on my nights at home. All work done is to be kept for my review. They will be tested periodically on standardized tests. If the calendars get behind or the testing does not show significant improvement each time, they go straight to school.
Those changes have been consistent. She is doing the actual work for the home school. She is cooking and cleaning the house. (Just like a good woman oughtta! J/K ladies!) I do believe in home-schooling for several reasons. If I didn't, they wouldn't have been for the past few years. It certainly has its benefits IF it is done correctly. As long as that is maintained, I am fine with it. I also intend to take some of my time on the weekends to work on it as well. She has made many positive changes. I was very pleasantly surprised at the amount and quality of work she got done last week. I think we are both better people apart than we were together. There is a song something like that. One of the lines says something like, "We're like fire and gasoline."
I believe we can become good friends and work together for our children. Without the pressure of the relationship, we actually are able to get along well. I'm pleasantly surprised at that also. We aren't just dating and can go our separate ways for life. We have 3 young children so we are tied together for life. We might as well make that a cordial relationship. I don't think either one of us has any inclination of reconciliation any time soon, but it is nice to get along. I do believe we can work out the terms of the divorce amicably and continue to get along and become effective co-parents. Hell, that is basically what we have been for years. Soon, we will both be free to pursue other romantic interests and still be co-parents.
They are being home schooled with several strict stipulations. The calendars (time invested) are to be kept up and inspected on my nights at home. All work done is to be kept for my review. They will be tested periodically on standardized tests. If the calendars get behind or the testing does not show significant improvement each time, they go straight to school.
Those changes have been consistent. She is doing the actual work for the home school. She is cooking and cleaning the house. (Just like a good woman oughtta! J/K ladies!) I do believe in home-schooling for several reasons. If I didn't, they wouldn't have been for the past few years. It certainly has its benefits IF it is done correctly. As long as that is maintained, I am fine with it. I also intend to take some of my time on the weekends to work on it as well. She has made many positive changes. I was very pleasantly surprised at the amount and quality of work she got done last week. I think we are both better people apart than we were together. There is a song something like that. One of the lines says something like, "We're like fire and gasoline."
I believe we can become good friends and work together for our children. Without the pressure of the relationship, we actually are able to get along well. I'm pleasantly surprised at that also. We aren't just dating and can go our separate ways for life. We have 3 young children so we are tied together for life. We might as well make that a cordial relationship. I don't think either one of us has any inclination of reconciliation any time soon, but it is nice to get along. I do believe we can work out the terms of the divorce amicably and continue to get along and become effective co-parents. Hell, that is basically what we have been for years. Soon, we will both be free to pursue other romantic interests and still be co-parents.
I will pray it is so for you. In theory, this all sounds great. But in reality, you have to be prepared for some ill feelings if you see the other together with another person/new relationship; you will probably be tried at that time. If you are prepared for that, you have a better chance of dealing with it - don't let it sneak up on you; it will make you feel odd. Just my .02 cents worth.
I fully expected to be enrolling them in school yesterday. She did keep it up very well for the first week. They are getting what they need at the moment. As soon as that is lacking, they will be enrolled in school. She surprised me with last week. Maybe she will surprise me and keep it up. Either way, my kids will get what they need. IF she is able to give it to them, good. If not, they will still get what they need.
She asked me something this weekend. I don't know what it was. She told me I didn't have to do something I was doing. I said I know. What could she possibly do if I didn't do what she wanted? Go have an affair? She already has. Get a divorce? The papers are on the desk. There are no bargaining chips on her end. Is she going to cut me off sexually? There is none anyway. lol. There is nothing for her to bargain with. I will do what I think is in the best interest of my children. I will give her a chance to redeem herself for her failure on the home-schooling the past year or so. As long as she is truly working on it and being effective. Remember, I am not only looking at the time spent, but the quality of their work as well.
I think the writing is on the wall in regards to home schooling. It isn't going to work. When you find out, the school year will be a month or two in and it will be difficult for them to start after the year is underway.
I think you know her 'truly working on it' isn't going to last.
But in reality, you have to be prepared for some ill feelings if you see the other together with another person/new relationship; you will probably be tried at that time. If you are prepared for that, you have a better chance of dealing with it - don't let it sneak up on you; it will make you feel odd. Just my .02 cents worth.
I agree. That will be difficult. Especially if I ever meet this man from Denver. I am working on that. The thing is, there is nothing for us as a marriage. We will always be the kids' mother and father. So we are forced into a relationship of some sort for life. I have to prepare for that. She should prepare to see me happy with another woman some day as well. I am not foolish enough to believe it will be all rosy. But I will make it the best that I can.
She asked me something this weekend. I don't know what it was. She told me I didn't have to do something I was doing. I said I know. What could she possibly do if I didn't do what she wanted? Go have an affair? She already has. Get a divorce? The papers are on the desk. There are no bargaining chips on her end. Is she going to cut me off sexually? There is none anyway. lol. There is nothing for her to bargain with...
Shoulda told her that you never HAD to do anything to begin with, that you did it because of your love for her and your kids and family.
What is it about the waywards that gives them the right to think you are doing things because you HAVE to, or they are making you. Do they not understand the concept of commitment?
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Re: Day 1 of separation 
