I assume that since she has decided to continue to homeschool your children, she cannot get a job and support herself? I guess that was a no-brainer on her end.
When you divorce (you said you were working on it) how is she going to be able to afford her own accommodations if she is home schooling and not working?
I assume that since she has decided to continue to homeschool your children, she cannot get a job and support herself? I guess that was a no-brainer on her end.
She still needs to get a job. There isn't sufficient funding available for 2 households. That may have been some of her motivation, even though it was never spoken. However, that wasn't the choice - a job or homeschool the kids. Of course, that would be a no-brainer. She is convinced she can do both. We'll see how long that lasts. As I said, I didn't expect it to last a week. We'll see. I'm not too worried about it either way. At all, actually. The kids are getting what they need for the moment, I am getting what I need at the moment. One day at a time.
She may think she is manipulating the situation, but I don't think so. She has fooled me before, of course, but now my eyes are wide open. I hold all the cards. For now, she has plenty of rope. I doubt it will be long before she tests it to see just how long it is. It is shorter than she thinks, so I hope for her sake she isn't running when she hits the end of it. (You have seen a dog on a slightly shorter chain, rope, etc. than he is used to, right?) Her rope is much shorter than she is used to.
So she wasn't capable of homing schooling the kids before, and now she will be both holding a job and home schooling the kids.
Who is watching the kids while she is working?
Enroll the kids in public school now so they get the full year there. That is what is best for them in your circumstance. There is no possible way that she will keep up with the home schooling, if she is expected to hold a job as well.
You said you would be doing some home schooling of the kids yourself. I see you doing most of it.
She has it great right now. She is still contacting the OM. She has a few nights away each week with her sister. She home schools when she wants to. You are working and paying for everything and helping with the home schooling.
So she wasn't capable of homing schooling the kids before, and now she will be both holding a job and home schooling the kids.
She has always been "capable", just not willing to put in the effort for the past year. Her priorities were elsewhere.
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Originally Posted by SadSamIAm
Who is watching the kids while she is working?
Me. She can work weekends while I have the kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SadSamIAm
Enroll the kids in public school now so they get the full year there. That is what is best for them in your circumstance. There is no possible way that she will keep up with the home schooling, if she is expected to hold a job as well.
You said you would be doing some home schooling of the kids yourself. I see you doing most of it.
Anything is possible. I agree it isn't likely, but I have decided to give her a shot on the school note. As long as it keeps up like it has been, it is good. Like she told me this weekend, she is a stronger person without me being there. She has been too dependent on me for too many years. Without me to be there for her to depend on, she has to step up to the plate. She has.
I will be working with them some on the weekends. I would do that whether they were being home-schooled or in public school. My work on the weekends does not substitute for or make up for any work that she needs to complete through the week.
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Originally Posted by SadSamIAm
She has it great right now. She is still contacting the OM. She has a few nights away each week with her sister. She home schools when she wants to. You are working and paying for everything and helping with the home schooling.
I also get a few nights per week alone. She has a schedule for home school instead of doing it "when she wants to." The reality of it is that I will end up paying some alimony, at least for a while. BOTH of us will suffer a decreased standard of living when the divorce is final. The money doesn't bother me. The one thing she doesn't have is me. Regardless of what she thinks and has acted like, I am beginning to see I'm not that bad of a catch. So, if she thinks that is "great", fine with me. Someday, I suspect she will not think so.
Regardless of what she thinks and has acted like, I am beginning to see I'm not that bad of a catch. So, if she thinks that is "great", fine with me. Someday, I suspect she will not think so.
Now you are dead on! Awesome! I am also thinking, with my situation, that when the green grass starts to show chinch bug rot, she will be thinking about the 36 years of REAL support and love that she tossed aside. The way I see it, like you, is that my next SO, if there were to be one, will be wondering what could be wrong with me, since she will be hard pressed to believe someone would let me go. I know, sounds very conceited but hey, I have done nothing but commit to my marriage for a VERY VERY long time - it is in my nature to be faithful and loving, therefore, I am easily subjected to hurt. It's a weakness and a strength. But yeah, keep your confidence up.
Does she really expect to support herself and partially support the kids on a weekend job's pay? Posted via Mobile Device
She has no concept of money. She's always gotten what she wanted. If we didn't have the money, I robbed Peter to pay Paul. And went into debt. That is changing. I just worked on a budget today for our new arrangement. She called to ask me to bring home cat food when we have our changeover tonight. I told her the cable and internet must go. She balked, but I pointed out there is only so much coming in. I will give her a copy of the budget tonight. If she sees some extra money in there magically, please let me know.
I am a controller for a hospital. I do the budget for millions of dollars with very many different types of expenses. There is no wiggle room in that budget I created. My fault of our financial situation is not one of knowledge. It is one of fortitude. I tried to make her happy all these years by giving her what she wanted when she wanted it. See where that got me?
Yeah, reality is going to hit her hard since I have shielded her from it all these years. She will see it soon enough. No amount of reasoning helped on the affair. No amount of reasoning will open her eyes to other realities either. It's going to take her falling, unfortunately.
I know, sounds very conceited but hey, I have done nothing but commit to my marriage for a VERY VERY long time - it is in my nature to be faithful and loving, therefore, I am easily subjected to hurt. It's a weakness and a strength. But yeah, keep your confidence up.
I don't think that sounds conceited. Nobody is perfect. But I know I am better than OM in every way I can think of. She has said I'm better looking. I make more money. I spend time with my kids as opposed to him who never sees his. I can give her an orgasm, regardless of her medication. (That one was a little comfort in that he never did. lol) Sure, I have my problems like everyone else. I don't, however, think it is conceited to look at your good qualities. Especially after having the total ego atomic bomb of your spouse having an affair.
I don't think that sounds conceited. Nobody is perfect. But I know I am better than OM in every way I can think of. She has said I'm better looking. I make more money. I spend time with my kids as opposed to him who never sees his. I can give her an orgasm, regardless of her medication. (That one was a little comfort in that he never did. lol) Sure, I have my problems like everyone else. I don't, however, think it is conceited to look at your good qualities. Especially after having the total ego atomic bomb of your spouse having an affair.
Right on! It's a wonder to me that they are willing to give up a trustworthy and loving person in order to fulfill this temporary fantasy affair. I mean, they have to know that at some point, the fantasy will end. At some point, when YOU are out of the picture, she will have to resume her real life. She will have to eventually deal with bills, kids, work, health, car maintenance, house maintenance, cleaning, cooking, washing, OM, etc., etc. So what then? Will she move on the next fantasy.
Between, Hollywood, Oprah, aha moments, Harlequin Romance novels, Twilight novels, and Fabio, we are f*&cked I tell ya. We can't compete with that.
I don't understand why you are allowing this 'home schooling' thing to go on.
You know that she can't make enough money working weekends to support herself. So, you know that your current plan of her home schooling isn't going to work.
So why not tell her she has to get a full time job and the kids have to go to public school?
The only reason I can think you aren't doing this is because you aren't planning on divorcing her.
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Re: Day 1 of separation 
