Well, today is day one of our separation. Long story short, she had an online affair for about a year. Many false reconciliations after the crocodile tears and promises to end the affair. Affair went PA when she went to be his live-in girlfriend for 2 weeks. Was preparing for divorce when she supposedly had an eye opening experience and said she doesn't want a divorce and she wanted to work on the marriage. The first few days, her words, actions, attitude, etc. matched that statement. After a week, she contacted him. She was drunk, so after much discussion and another round of crocodile tears, I gave it a little longer. 2 more strikes the next week.
So, now, we are separated. We worked out terms where the kids keep the house. We share the house. I get 4 nights per week in the house with the kids while she stays at her sister's house. She gets 3 nights per week in the house with the kids while I stay at my parents' house. I know that won't work long term, but for now, it seems like a fair arrangement to me. I believe that will work until we are able to sell the house and stuff inside it to give us both some cash to start our own individual households.
I feel bad for the kids, but I feel relieved. I put in a long hard battle to try to save a marriage that totally sucked. Today, I feel free.
I've followed your story from the very beginning. You have done everything possible to save this marriage and your WS has done nothing but act selfish. She has taken every offer of kindness from you and slapped you in the face with it.
why aren't you moving to divorce instead of continuing to suffer through a separation. You know from her past that she will only continue to use every opportunity to contact and continue with the slime ball in CO.
Protect your kids and yourself. Cut this selfish foolish woman who has chosen the OM in CO over her family out of your lives as fast a possible. True she is the mother of your children, but she's clearly chosen the OM over her children, her family, and her marriage.
The sooner she's gone, the sooner you can find a good wife and upgrade. Right now you're wasting good days of your life on her and getting nothing it return.
Living in limbo is torture. You took positive actions, when all else failed. I know for myself, after years of trying to save my marriage, the decision to separate finally gave me peace. Best of luck to you. I know at times you will miss her, but in reality what we mourn is for that marriage that never was and never will be.
Do you have a rule in place that the a## h### is forbidden in your house during her 3 days?
Yes, that rule was made perfectly clear. Neither of us is to ever bring a member of the opposite sex into that home, period. We'll be selling it in the divorce. Until then, as we share it, there will be no OM or OW in that home at all.
Also, neither of us is to bring another man or woman around the kids. No introducing them on the phone, internet, or nothing. The kids are to have absolutely no contact with OM or with any woman that I may become involved with.
The kids are having a rough time. We talked for a while last night. I've spent two nights away and they miss me very much. I miss them even more, I believe. I get them tonight. I can't wait to give them all a great big hug and kiss. I don't care if I see STBXW again, but not being with my kids every night is absolutely killing me. Does that ever get better?
I guess her religion she supposedly received didn't last very long????
Not long at all, if ever.
Originally Posted by karole
Tn, why don't you go ahead and file for divorce, seek primary custody of your kids, keep your home and let her have weekend visitation with them at her parents house?
I think we are pretty close on ironing out the details for an uncontested divorce. I would rather go that route for many reasons. A nice Harley in the driveway vs. lawyer fees. The extra trauma for the kids in a court battle. For now, the separation seems pretty fair. I hate not being with my kids each night, but that is the way it will be either way.
You are a lot nicer than I would be in your situation TN, that's for sure. You are holding the cards in this game and won't play them. But, I suppose you are doing what you think best. I admire the way you protect your kids, but I think alot of times you use your kids as an excuse. I wish you the best and I do hope you will protect yourself during this process and don't let your wife walk all over you again.
You are holding the cards in this game and won't play them. But, I suppose you are doing what you think best.
I do hold the cards, but there is a time to play them and a time to hold them. I had a great poker hand last weekend. I flopped a high flush draw and open end straight draw. There were 2 other players. I hit my flush on the turn. Player 1 bet fairly large. Player 2 called. I mistakenly raised. Player 1 still called, but Player 2 folded. I should have just called and most likely would have got more cash out of player 2. Player 1 ended up going all in on the river, with me having the best hand.
Anyway, we're not to the river yet. I have the best hand, so I won't lose the pot. Waiting and working things out amicably could save several thousand dollars and a lot of headache. That is plan A at the time, anyway. There is a plan B, but I'd rather not go there if I don't have to.
Yes, I agree, but there are times when you get what you pay for. I would rather do without a motorcycle and hire a great lawyer, file for divorce and end up with my home, primary custody of my kids and her paying child support.
I have consulted with an attorney. If I can get close to the expected outcome of using him without the thousands, I'll go for it. Even with the attorney, it isn't a gaurantee. I agree on getting what you pay for. I won't give away the farm to avoid the fees. Yet, the price warrants some work in that direction.
TN, I hope for your and your kids' sake you do come out of this divorce the way you should, I really do. Maybe your wife will be one of those women who just want out and will do whatever necessary to end the marriage as quickly as possible so she can be with her other man. I really hope she is that type person and doesn't later decide that she will fight you tooth and nail for everything you own and custody of your kids. If she is in the giving mood at present, I'd go ahead and file for divorce and maybe she would agree to everything you want. It seems that that every time you start taking steps in the right direction, you always back down and end up in a worse place than where you started.