Ambler

My girlfriend recently admitted to me she was smoking heroin due to the arguements and fall outs we had been having as a way to escape.

For various reasons we have a torrid past together of good times and bad times but 4 and half years with her have been the most intense and loving Ive ever had.

She has a daughter also who I have brought up since 1 and is now 6 who I see as my own daughter. and I her father to her.

I really thought she had been cheating on me since her modelling job was during the night and she would sometimes come home with drink on her breathe she would always say it was a drink with the girls she models with but I always thought something else.

When she stopped bringing money home I had even more suspicions.

Around the time she admitted she was sleeping alot and this is what heroin did. It made her Ill if she didnt have it and normal when she didnt.

Her friend who was constantly at my house had taken it before and had an addict ex boyfriend in prison.

this friend I see as a constant bad influence to her but they are too emotionally attached to each other so I couldnt pull them apart.

Around finding out about her Heroin addiction she would hide her phone and go out with michelle alone leaving me to babysit.

then 4 weeks later she turned up to my house with a massive knucklehead bloke, her friend and 2 other fellas. They kicked me out my own house to chill out and emma admitted shes been seeing him 3 weeks (which I think is a lie) and only started sleeping with him that weekend.

The humiliation of having to leave your own home is unbearable knowing shes in there with him.

Unfortunetely its a rented house with only her name on so I had no choice.

Anyhow even though this woke me up on the sunday morning, She asked him to leave and accepted to speak to me that evening. I went back home and she admitted everything and said she thought we was going to be over. I told her we wasnt 3 weeks ago and because of our arguements she wanted to see she still had it.

turns out this massive meat head is a Gypsie also and is one not to be messed around with.

That evening she agreed to leave him and we spent the night together made love twice and I thought we would get through it.

The next day I advised we would get councilling and I would move us to a new home.

She left with her friend to do shopping. after a few hours her phone was off.

I went looking every where eventually finding her talking to the guy in the street who she was cheating on me with.

She completely denied us making love and that she wanted me back, and basically made out nothing like it happened right there in the street.

I broke to a million pieces as she drove off in the car with him.

They called later for the house keys, luckily my friend found me a shell of a man sat in the street and took me to the doctors.

He even called me up to tell me what he had been doing with her to rub it in.

that evening my dad drover 4 hours to come and take me back to the family home as I only moved to the midlands prior to meeting emma.

As I went to the house with only emma there she told me she did it to free me and was still very much in love with me. which was bizzare considering what she had done earlier that day.

I moved my stuff spoke to her a few times that night and sbe was sorry.

As the days went on she was hard to get hold of. I Felt hopeless away and lonley I was homeless and missed my family. I got the odd call from her begging for money but people said not to give it her as this was her still on heroin.

She swears blind this guy isnt on it (which I believe hes massive) and her friend (who I believe got her on it)

A few phone calls would have her telling me she needed money for food. then I hear from friends she is trying to score recreational drugs the same night for him, her and her friend to have a good time that night. That hurt alot. Realizing she was only talking to me because she wanted drug money.

I came back to Birmingham at the weekend and ignored her calls. I went to councilling, Im not sure how this is going to help though. I spent the weekend with my friends but was just way to emotional and distraught.

The following monday I went back to my parents. Hardly spoke to emma but out of the blue she called me late wednesday night telling me she was so sorry she didnt know what she was doing and didnt want to be with him. she begged me to call her the next day. She told me she had done 4 days without heroin and felt ALOT better. I could tell by her voice but as we were going to talk about her conversation the night before her phone turns off and she doesnt answer it when its on for rest of the day.

To my knowledge from the previous week this means hes around and she wont answer when he is.

I call late that night and she answers and says "**** off will you we are in bed and he has work in the morning" then hangs up. I was mortified. Why tell me shes made a big mistake. then do that? My only hope was it was saying that so he didnt get nasty.

The next day Im back in birmingham (friday last week) and at counsilling. I speak to her in the morning and she says she dont know whats going on, I sent her some lovely flowers and she agrees to meet me. I try calling back after I know the flowers are delivered. He answers her phone and starts so I hang up and dont call again the whole day.

I go out that night and I see a few missed calls from her that evening but I dont call back.

She contacts me the next day saying she had a horrible bday and my flowers were the only thing she got. (this guy shes with cant read or write, this is the norm for gypsies)

She then says she will send her number over (as I tell her I deleted it) but never does,

I ignore her call sunday trying to be strong. I ring her monday. Shes at her friends tells me hes showing signs of violence. He told her hell kill her if she leaves him, she tells me theres lots she cant tell me but says that his WIFE (oh yeah hes married with kids and is supposidly leaving his wife for emma as hes staying at my home alot)

A story he told emma was he put a machete in his wifes mouth and cut her hand with it for mouthing at him.

She said hes got gun charges. I tell her is this the life you want, the life for maddy.

She said Im 50 the man he is, she tells me like she used to Im beautifull she doesnt like his muscles its just he shown her some attention when I wasnt.

She tells me she would have such a better life proving herself to me than an eternity of worry with him.

he doesnt let her leave the house after hes home from work, she has to leave the room when he says and do everything he says.

He dragged her round the house that I lived in with her for not cleaning showing her it.

She said shes ready to leave him and deseratly wants to meet with me to talk.

Tuesday doesnt happen. Wednesday We meet. Its emotional for me she says she loves me, but shes scared to leave him, we dont get to meet long but she tells me she will do it and we will find a way.

That evening she texts saying she saw the pain in my eyes and is truly sorry for how it ended. We organise to meet thursday (yesterday) I speak to her yesterday morning.

She tells me shes worried we`ll go back to how we were and that last night he told her how much he loves her and its changed her mind.

How can this be?

atm Im living with a distant relative who I hardly know. Ive not spoken to her or she hasnt contacted me since yesterday morning. but Im completely broken right now.

Im supposed to be in work monday after been signed off 3 weeks unpaid so cant afford not to go.

I really dont know what to do.

If anyones experienced this I need to know what steps they've taken.

Ive split up before but how shes bringing me up and down constantly. I cant stop thinking bout my family and how much I love them Ive even contemplated suicide. The thought of her sleeping with him is unbearable. the humiliation of not been able to go round and kick seven shades of **** out of him is unreal.

Any advise apart from the "it takes time" and "move on" bollocks because thats obvious but it doesnt work for me now.

CH

You can stay with a drug addict who likes to sleep around if that's what you want. Some people get off on living in misery, seeing other people in worse shape than them makes some people feel better.

Or you can decide to man and and get her out of your life. Not what you want to hear but you've got your head so high up somewhere trying to not see the truth staring you in the face.

You gotta help yourself before you can help her. Just go no contact with her and move on, you're being played for the sucker who'll support her and her BF's drug addition. You just don't say I'm done taking heroin and walk away from it, it just doesn't happen once you're addicted.

If you can, maybe you can even petition to have her be an unfit mother and try to get custody of the daughter.

She's not gonna change unless she wants to, nothing you do will make her. Maybe the thought of losing her daughter will make her wake up to what she is doing. Highly doubtful with drug addicts but it has happened.

Protect yourself and protect that child.