She made me leave on thursday and she was being nice so I said I would help pay rent for this next month. if she paid me back. since then, she refuses to talk to me or let me get my things from our place. She just text me asking if I could get the money to her in cash soon. I mean, I want to help her out, but at the same time, everything that has happened the last couple days makes me feel like I am just going to get screwed over again. Is there anything I can do or write that will hold up in court if she doesn't pay me back?
Attorney. Close joint accounts. Close joint credit cards. Take her off any life insurance policies you have. Start building firewalls and protecting yourself before you are served. After that it gets more difficult.
How much money does she owe you? How much is the rent? Let her dad pay the rent. Is the lease in your name or hers or both?
I closed the accounts today. all thats left is our 2 grand of debt and the account is done. I don't have a lawyer because I cant afford one. I live check to check with no savings at all. sometimes I wonder if she is ok in the head. I have a close friend that works with her and he said she is happy and laughing all day at work. How can she be so happy when all of this is killing me? she told me not to talk to her so I am thinking I just wont text back because I am listening to what she told me before. i just feel like she is playing games with my head. nothing she says matches the other things she tells me.
My guess is at some point she will file a petition for dissolution of marriage (or whatever its called where you live). There will also be a petition for temporary orders or something like that which spells out the living arrangements until the divorce is final. There will also be an order from the court to not do certain things (change life insurance policies, not close accounts, etc).
If you get this don't freak out. It isn't what you are being ordered to do. It's what she HOPES will be the outcome. It will probably be very lopsided in her favor and look like the end of the world for you. My wife had all kinds of crazy stuff on her petition, mostly because she lied to her attorney about our incomes (exaggerating mine 4X). You will get to file a response stating how you think it should done.
I know it seems hard but look at it this way. You are young, don't have a lot of your life invested, probably don't have kids, you don't risk your wife taking half of the assets you've worked hard for your whole life. If this is going to happen to you now is the best possible time.
You will have to file a response by a certain date or your wife gets what she wants. You will have to find some kind of legal assistance even if its free legal services or you have to borrow money from friends or family. Don't let her and her dad run this thing.
The cheapest way to do it, though, is to agree to do an uncontested divorce. It doesn't go to trial. You can do these very inexpensively but only if she is going to play fair and be nice.
Having said all of that, why is she so mad at you? What is her dad's beef with you? It sucks when that kind of stuff is happening.
Honestly, I have no idea why she is so mad. For the first part of our marriage she would yell at me and I wouldn't respond because I am not an angry person. so she would pretty much yell at a wall. I was a little lazy around the house. but I didn't think it looked that bad. Then maybe a month and half ago she said she was done and kicked me out. but she kept talking to me and we started counseling. After going to counseling I realized I need to participate more. rather than ignore her if she yells, still talk, just do it calmly. Next I started cleaning the house more. I work early morning and she works the normal 9 to 5 so I would have 5 hours every day to clean the house and do things for her. I would surprise her with flowers, her favorite treats, and just cute little things that I used to do for her. but then last week, she wouldnt go to counseling, so I went alone. I came home and tried to talk to her about how I could help her in our marriage, and she said she was done being married and she left. About a half hour later I got a text saying her dad was on his way to change the locks. I mean, she has a right to be mad at me about the beginning or our marriage. But why does she stay through that( when really it was bad, but compared to other things couple go through, it was great) but when I am doing everything I can to make her happy, she rips my heart out. I just don't understand.
What does the marriage counselor say? Her dad could be working on her. My wife's parents have a lot of influence over her, even with her being 41 years old. A psychologist told us about 10 years ago that in out marriage I am the pig and she is the chicken. He then said it isn't what we think but is an analogy about breakfast. The chicken is kind of involved in breakfast but the pig is fully committed.
Her dad is definitely working on her. Her parents have been telling her to leave me for over a year now. We only went to counseling twice together before she quit so he didn't get a chance to work on things a whole lot. And it was her idea to go to counseling. I was fully committed to making us work, but she wanted the easy way out. At this point, After everything she has done to hurt me, i dont know if I would take her back even if she did change her mind. I will always love her, but now, I dont know if we will ever work out.
Thanks for the advice. I ended up texting her back and telling her that if she wanted to sit down and talk with me, we might be able to make a deal and I would help her.... such as giving me the ring until she pays me back, if she doesnt, I keep the ring.... she said she was uncomfortable with sitting and talking with me so I told her that I couldn't give her the money and she should try asking her dad again. I left the door open though and told her if she changes her mind and wants to talk, I would be here.
I find that talking, in person or over the phone or even texting is no help. If you know what you are willing to do then don't budge. In my situation I seem to always get talked into things. I tend to me the "nice guy" int he relationship and I'm tired of getting taken advantage of. No matter how many times I tell myself not to answer my Hs calls I end up getting pushed into a corner where I waffle.
If you feel like she is going to place nice to get want she wants. OR play the poor me act, try to communicate only over email. This way you can take the time to think over the request, run it by the people that you trust most, and then when you feel strong enough in your opinions, respond. This will keep things from getting heated and emotional as well.
I'm currently working to implement this in my divorce. So I know its not easy to end personal communication, but I think its really for the best.