Re: "Loves me but not in love with me"
I've heard it told that as we grow in our relationships with our spouses that the love grows from that initial limerance, feeling on top of the world with someone new, to making the choice to build a life together, trust, honesty, choosing to continue to love once that butterfly feeling is gone, into an acceptance of what allllllll is revealed once the "best foot forward" and imperfections are apparent. Its a choice of acceptance and choice of committment to continue the relationship, build a family, reach mutual goals, help each other reach their own level of happiness and desires. A closer friendship, reliability.. I think the man-up reference will get you to the "attracted to" phase again, but not sure about the long term "choice to continue til you die" sense of a lasting marriage.
The faults will still be there, the imperfections that she chose not to grow beyond. Dirty underwear on the bathroom floor.....
Then you have the outside influences of single friends, and crapola media that constantly make people wonder if there is better out there for them, or insist we are subjecting ourselves to mediocrity if not keeping a harem of lovers on the side.
It could be something as simple as money that makes a person decide to seek companionship elsewhere if life in their current relationship has been difficult because of struggles in that area.
Ive seen great looking manly men get passed over because the loser in the longjohns has an inheritance.
It sux that peoples priorities change as they age as well.However, I think in my case, my wife just lost her mind..
It appears that after awhile most of a lasting relationship is built on both people "choosing" to be there, therefore choosing to love.
I dont think "love" is an unseen uncontrollable force that binds two people together. I think it starts as attraction, becomes a desire to share more of their time and lives exclusively, and then at some point becomes a personal choice to keep it that way, because of the benefits each receives, as well as the desire to provide them, that each should feel. (sounds like a fairy tale?)
The "whats in it for me" feeling denotes problems already existing.
Imagine, two people enjoying making each other happy, becuase it provides themselves a sense of value and worthwhile investment of their energy. Does that exist?
His delay, is not a denial.