Why does this have to be hard
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Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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Old 09-02-2011, 01:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Why does this have to be hard

Ok one of them days and well I dont talk to to many people so guess I will do what everyone else does and post on here.

Im trying to get through this one day at a time but coming home to a house with no one to greet you sucks. Im the type that dont like being by myself which I guess this will make me stand on my own. My wife dropped the ILYBNILWY back in may and I knew where that was heading and well come end of june she was talking about separation. After July it was decided to just go with a divorce. Of course after she first dropped those words I became clingy and wanting to fix any problems. We didnt have many problems I never called her names or nothing like that I always put her up a pedastil and I should not have. Then after she left I done all the wrong things at first. After the first couple weeks I got my head together somewhat and just cut off all ties with her because she is looking for any reason to try and make herself upset with me.

This stuff is tiring I find myself wanting to txt or talk with her but I dont. I mean how do people get through this stuff grrr.
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Old 09-02-2011, 01:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does this have to be hard

One day at a time.....

Hang in there
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Old 09-02-2011, 01:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks. I just dont understand this stuff one person remains faithful the whole time and another one decides to start a relationship while in a marriage wtf is wrong with people? I heard the your a great husband and stuff and thinking if Im so great why are you walking out? It just doesnt make sense but oh well. It feels like you have lost a big part of yourself going through this stuff.
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Old 09-02-2011, 01:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does this have to be hard

I understand completely!
Just take care of yourself - you will find someone who wants to be in a marriage and loving, trusting relationship.

She's isn't the one - I'm sorry you had to get hurt to find that out
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Old 09-02-2011, 01:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I hope so but Im not looking anytime soon for sure. I have made the comment that I will never get married again. It just seems like after going through this I dont think I could open up again to be hurt like that. I put every part of me into my marriage and got dropped like it wasnt nothing. The bad part is I really thought she was the one like every fiber in my being knew she was but I guess sometimes we dont know people like we think we do. It hurts like H#ll but I want let her know that no more. Its like that song im not over you by gavin somebody. How long have you been going through this stuff justagirl?
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Old 09-02-2011, 02:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does this have to be hard

I've said I wouldn't get married either...so I know what you mean.

My stbexH and I started having problems after my son was born really - he's 10 now. But life happens and we stayed in it. Some good times, some bad. I would say the last 3-4 years, we (and I guess mainly I) haven't been happy. I'm just not happy with a husband that doesn't show love. Maybe I changed, I don't know but all I know is, I tried talking to him....I asked we get some help, I told him MONTHS before leaving I wanted to separate etc...he did nothing. So....it's hard to answer that question. It's been 3-4 years I've been so unhappy, sad and unfullfilled but we've been separated for 7 months...TOMORROW! lol

All I know is:::if a loved one says they "think" you (as a couple) needs something - do everything you can to make that happen. It's about what "they" percieve and if you nip that in the bud, things can get better. Only don't do what mine did and laugh at me. I've been in therapy now since October and although I don't go as much as I did before I left him, it helps talking to someone I can say ANYTHING to and I don't have to worry about hurting them....

And that's the long answer lol
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Old 09-02-2011, 02:12 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Lostouthere View Post
Thanks. I just dont understand this stuff one person remains faithful the whole time and another one decides to start a relationship while in a marriage wtf is wrong with people? I heard the your a great husband and stuff and thinking if Im so great why are you walking out? It just doesnt make sense but oh well. It feels like you have lost a big part of yourself going through this stuff.

I'm right there with you man. I'm on month 4 of separation from a wife who decided to go sleep around last fall. I was faithful and played by the rules. Turns out you end up getting played when you do that. It sucks. Like you said, I also go home to no one and its a strange feeling. I just hope to file smoothly in November and leave it all behind. Just keep moving forward somehow. They say it gets better over time. That is my hope to keep pushing on.
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Old 09-02-2011, 03:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm right there with you man. I'm on month 4 of separation from a wife who decided to go sleep around last fall. I was faithful and played by the rules. Turns out you end up getting played when you do that. It sucks. Like you said, I also go home to no one and its a strange feeling. I just hope to file smoothly in November and leave it all behind. Just keep moving forward somehow. They say it gets better over time. That is my hope to keep pushing on.


Im hoping it will get better because it definately sucks right now. I agree try to do the right thing and it bites you and we are left standing there like wtf! If I would have seen this coming it would be alot different but I didnt. Sometimes life throws us curb balls for sure. What gets me is the other person just goes on like its nothing I dont understand this and alot of people said it hits them later but still its weird to me. One day at a time and hour by hour sometimes but hey we will all get there one day. Something we believed in so much kicked us in the rear.
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Old 09-02-2011, 03:43 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I've said I wouldn't get married either...so I know what you mean.

My stbexH and I started having problems after my son was born really - he's 10 now. But life happens and we stayed in it. Some good times, some bad. I would say the last 3-4 years, we (and I guess mainly I) haven't been happy. I'm just not happy with a husband that doesn't show love. Maybe I changed, I don't know but all I know is, I tried talking to him....I asked we get some help, I told him MONTHS before leaving I wanted to separate etc...he did nothing. So....it's hard to answer that question. It's been 3-4 years I've been so unhappy, sad and unfullfilled but we've been separated for 7 months...TOMORROW! lol

All I know is:::if a loved one says they "think" you (as a couple) needs something - do everything you can to make that happen. It's about what "they" percieve and if you nip that in the bud, things can get better. Only don't do what mine did and laugh at me. I've been in therapy now since October and although I don't go as much as I did before I left him, it helps talking to someone I can say ANYTHING to and I don't have to worry about hurting them....

And that's the long answer lol
Ah that sucks lostgirl in my case if things would have been brought out if there had been some issues it could and would have been fixed but dating someone else not never a good reason for that. Marriage is a marriage and it takes alot of work and I understand that and was giving it my all but hey stuff happens I guess. Its weird you think you have found that perfect one then they just throw you for a loop.
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Old 09-02-2011, 03:44 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does this have to be hard

I think the worst part is....you didn't see it coming!
You somehow blame yourself for that, but don't....
Don't you do it!
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Old 09-02-2011, 03:50 PM   #11 (permalink)
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That is the worse part for me so far. I mean we did not have many problems that could not have been fixed no infidelity no name calling we had arguments but who doesnt? Im trying not to blame myself but the last times I talked to her which has been a while she tried to put it all on me and part of me is like dang did I really caues all of this you know? I dont know but it really sucks this is a living H3ll!
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Old 09-02-2011, 03:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
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It takes two....remember that!
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Old 09-02-2011, 03:57 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I try to remember that but I dont know. I just find myself wanting to talk to her but I know it is best that I have no communication at this point. I would love to have my wife back but I know that is not going to happen either but hey life goes on I guess
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Old 09-02-2011, 04:02 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Yes....
Try to have a good weekend, keep busy, call on your friends and family - put it all in God's hands
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Old 09-02-2011, 04:05 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Thanks you too I will be around here some. My big thing is I dont like talking to people about my issues for some reason but I find it easy to post on here
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