The Toolkit of the Confident Man - Page 13 - Talk About Marriage
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post #181 of 196 (permalink) Old 08-08-2016, 08:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

Wife loves vacations. She likes the idea of kids on vacation with parents. In a somewhat unusual act, she laid out the particulars. We want to have 3-4 events in August as a piecemeal "vacation". We both are attending each and kids are welcome at all. If they don't wish to come, too bad.

Now we're talking.

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post #182 of 196 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 05:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

FWIW, none of her kids were interested in any of it.

She got frustrated, but you can't make people "do" anything.

People do what they wish to do.

People don't do what they don't wish to do.

If my stepchildren really don't wish to vacation with me? I'm all good with that.

(BTW, none of them are under 20)
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post #183 of 196 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 01:28 PM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

More cost-effective if they not attend. Additional alone time with W.

Unless..... kids not going... effects her decision to go. Or spend one on one time
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post #184 of 196 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 08:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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More cost-effective if they not attend. Additional alone time with W.

Unless..... kids not going... effects her decision to go. Or spend one on one time
Their non-attendance saves me beaucoup dollars.

It's a beautiful thing.

THEY'RE the bad guys.

Not that there will "ever" be an admission. But, there won't be any follow-up attempts.

Just as good.
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post #185 of 196 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 01:34 PM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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Their non-attendance saves me beaucoup dollars.



It's a beautiful thing.



THEY'RE the bad guys.



Not that there will "ever" be an admission. But, there won't be any follow-up attempts.



Just as good.


Not bad guys.

I know you mean in her eyes. Which benefits you.

Just their choice.

Their resentment to you goes back years.

Too much pushing?

They're adults.

Mom has her life. They have theirs.

They can choose when to take part and when not to.


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post #186 of 196 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 01:44 PM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

Yet when their wants and expectations of her.... correlate to a sheet storm with you....

She's my mommy.... you're not..... sound familiar?
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post #187 of 196 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 03:27 PM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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Yet when their wants and expectations of her.... correlate to a sheet storm with you....

She's my mommy.... you're not..... sound familiar?


Yeah, so I've heard.

Everyone is responsible for their own lives.

If she caves to that it's on her.

If a man puts up with it it's on him.

Doesn't matter what the "kids" do or don't do.


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post #188 of 196 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 03:53 PM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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Yeah, so I've heard.

Everyone is responsible for their own lives.

If she caves to that it's on her.

If a man puts up with it it's on him.

Doesn't matter what the "kids" do or don't do.


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post #189 of 196 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 01:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

Happy Mother's Day to All

Blended Family Report:

Wife off to lunch with her two youngest - she's paying.

I helped her oldest secure some white roses for wife at last minute. I'm a hero. In gratitude, oldest has offered to settle up on outstanding cell phone balance. (Previous point of contention)

We've sold nearly $1,500 in gift certificates at the business AFTER we closed yesterday (on-line)

Cards-Cubs here - with cigars and beer.

Life is good.
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post #190 of 196 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 01:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

On a side note... offered to celebrate on patio with business success.

She comes out and start up leaf blower because "so much needs to be done"

I adjourn to front porch with cigar and beer.

Summoned back to play with dog (with her) while we discuss next steps.

You CAN learn this. Just hit the pause button and let consequences fall where they may.

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post #191 of 196 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 01:20 PM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

Admittance ...... yet in small increments

Still progress

Turtle vs. Wabbit
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post #192 of 196 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 05:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

Woke up from nap. Wonderful. Cards beat Flubs.

Offered to do a load of laundry for Mother's Day.

Heard about birthday plans for one of 'em. Wednesday dinner, then they adjourn to party with their friends.

All good.

Not here.
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post #193 of 196 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 07:17 PM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

Too cryptic for me to understand, brother.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #194 of 196 (permalink) Old 05-14-2017, 08:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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Too cryptic for me to understand, brother.
I'll clarify.

Mother's Day has a history of me shelling out big money to celebrate things with people that don't speak to me.

I no longer do those things.

BUT... I'll be attending the birthday party on Wednesday at the restaurant - then the youngsters will adjourn to their apartment to continue with their friends.

Not at my house.

Far less stress.

Far less $$$$$

I don't push. BUT... as I've said, I'm not ok with being left out of "family events"

It's a nice balance. Far better than the last decade.
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post #195 of 196 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 12:49 AM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

One transaction at a time.......
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