The Toolkit of the Confident Man - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 10:06 AM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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Not anymore. My hubby bought the last one!
D*mmit! Was going to setup a TAM bulk buy...

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post #32 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 10:13 PM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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a) where it the 'toolkit' you reference in the title
b) are you jld's husband?
c) cool story bro
lmfao +1
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post #33 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 10:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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I agree. These are unhealthy behaviors, but so are ignoring red flags and marrying someone who displays these behaviors. Sick people attract sick people.
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True, but some of us get well.
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post #34 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 10:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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I'm truly sorry to hear she is CSA survivor. Have either or both of you received any sort of professional help?

I agree about people taking care of themselves. You can't pour from an empty cup.
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We've received plenty.

Some of it was even effective. Much of the time, she mailed it in.
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post #35 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 10:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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Can you get those through Amazon?




OP, sounds like you might have read "Hold on to your N.U.T.s". Or achieved the same results by your own work. Either way, congrats.

Also, you seem to be fortunate in that approach working for you. It's not always successful.
Many guys don't have the balls to stand up.

The fearful never advance.
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post #36 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 10:38 PM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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a) where it the 'toolkit' you reference in the title
b) are you jld's husband?
c) cool story bro
Yea 'toolkit' implies a box of useful tools to do a job. The outline here has a tool but not a useful one. Well maybe two tools if we consider multiple meanings of the word. Anyway if the only tool enables someone to rationalize and except really piss poor passive aggressive treatment from a spouse then it's a sad tool.

I'm as deep as a puddle. Holland.
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post #37 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 10:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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Yea 'toolkit' implies a box of useful tools to do a job. The outline here has a tool but not a useful one. Well maybe two tools if we consider multiple meanings of the word. Anyway if the only tool enables someone to rationalize and except really piss poor passive aggressive treatment from a spouse then it's a sad tool.
That's not how it works.

Stay @50k. Recognize things for what they are. Don't be afraid of friction and standing up, as that's the key element in attraction.
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post #38 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 10:53 PM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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That's not how it works.

Stay @50k. Recognize things for what they are. Don't be afraid of friction and standing up, as that's the key element in attraction.
What you're missing is that staying with things as they are is the opposite of standing up. It's giving up and settling. You've rationalized it as being strong but this dynamic is driven by fear and a lack of confidence in your partner. Your plan is securing this dynamic to keep on spinning as it is.

Now all of that is your choice but we're just not buying that it's a healthy choice.

I'm as deep as a puddle. Holland.
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post #39 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 10:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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What you're missing is that staying with things as they are is the opposite of standing up. It's giving up and settling. You've rationalized it as being strong but this dynamic is driven by fear and a lack of confidence in your partner. Your plan is securing this dynamic to keep on spinning as it is.

Now all of that is your choice but we're just not buying that it's a healthy choice.
I'm not asking you to.
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post #40 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 11:07 PM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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I'm not asking you to.
No you're specifically saying that what you're doing is confident. It's also settling and a percentage of other guys out there will love your sell. But they are settling too.


I'm as deep as a puddle. Holland.
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post #41 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-11-2016, 11:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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No you're specifically saying that what you're doing is confident. It's not confident; it's settling and a percentage of other guys out there will love your sell. But they are settling too.
We each make our own choices.

We'll have to live with your disapproval.
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post #42 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-12-2016, 01:59 AM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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What you're missing is that staying with things as they are is the opposite of standing up. It's giving up and settling. You've rationalized it as being strong but this dynamic is driven by fear and a lack of confidence in your partner. Your plan is securing this dynamic to keep on spinning as it is.

Now all of that is your choice but we're just not buying that it's a healthy choice.
Agreed. This isn't standing up, it's settling. Possibly on the path to acceptance but I don't believe the OP is there yet. Too much PA still in this padawan.

Anyway, good luck on your path Zero. I hope it brings you happiness and peace.
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post #43 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-12-2016, 08:21 AM
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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We've received plenty.

Some of it was even effective. Much of the time, she mailed it in.
I'm sorry to hear that. You can't make someone else get well. I think your story is unique. A lot of stories on TAM involve one spouse getting healthy and the other following suite. Mostly one gets healthy, the other doesn't follow suite, and they divorce. Your story is rare in my opinion. Definitely a unique perspective.
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post #44 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-12-2016, 11:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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I'm sorry to hear that. You can't make someone else get well. I think your story is unique. A lot of stories on TAM involve one spouse getting healthy and the other following suite. Mostly one gets healthy, the other doesn't follow suite, and they divorce. Your story is rare in my opinion. Definitely a unique perspective.
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Not nearly as rare as you believe.

When a man finds himself in a power struggle he did not choose, he has only one option to preserve the relationship. That's to learn how to communicate emotionally and win the power struggle.

Then she'll feel safe.
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post #45 of 196 (permalink) Old 01-12-2016, 11:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Toolkit of the Confident Man

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Agreed. This isn't standing up, it's settling. Possibly on the path to acceptance but I don't believe the OP is there yet. Too much PA still in this padawan.

Anyway, good luck on your path Zero. I hope it brings you happiness and peace.
One person's PA is another person's ability to see the briar patch.
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