My Mule Twins have always been a couple of personal favorites. I have no doubt that we could have a guy's weekend somewhere and it would go down in history as one of the best times of our lives. That doesn't leave any of the rest of you out, but you have to admit the guys with donkey avatars have a special appeal.
I actually left the office and was getting ready for work, but I wanted to come back because I had this thought.
When it comes to this particular dance, there's understanding, and then there's UNDERSTANDING.
What "IS" about us - and what isn't?
I've told the story of my wife's childhood (as I understand it) numerous times. Abuse victim. Foster care. Adopted. Sure that her parents didn't love her... associated parental limits with lack of love, instead of good healthy boundaries.
She hated her mother - literally. So did I. She's now on the other side of the grass and I haven't missed her verbal jabs even one day.
But, think about how this screws you up. My wife recounts a time when she used a wet towel to literally DESTROY the chore chart (towel snapping) in her parents home. A rebellious teenage girl. Lots of boyfriends. All the associated dysfunction. Early pregnancy. Shotgun marriage. All the red flags.
Fast forward to our relationship.
When her kids "need her"... (like when they call) is the "disrespect" she gives me as she lavishes 100+ percent on them really something to even attempt to correct?
At this point, does it matter? Or, is the damage done and the best I can do is to support her as she watches her kids struggle with life?
To ask the question is to answer it.
Don't I actually enjoy myself enough that when she goes down the rabbit hole with one of them, I can set my own agenda and not sweat the details?
I don't have to do college visits. I don't even have to pretend that I care. I don't have to pay tuition, car insurance, none of it. No one expects me to and no way in hell would I.
I even ended up getting a fantastic pit bull out of the deal. Her daughter paid for everything and then moved out after the dog proved too much for her to handle. Of course, there were other factors... all my fault, of course
But, see? I'm on this now.
I've got my daughter here, she's working 2 jobs and I keep an eye on her. My wife is a fantastic stepmother. All the stuff she lets hers get away with is "nada, zip, zilch" when it comes to mine. And, that's great. Just what she needs.
Why should I take issue with the disrespect and slights that may come my way when she's in firefighter mode trying to "save her kids" one last time?
This is called TRUE understanding. It has nothing to do with me.
It never did.