09-09-2011, 07:53 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
| | Re: Trying to move forward - Advice Needed
I feel for you darling, that must be hard for you especially with a new baby. Without knowing the reason for the separation, I would guess that there was probably someone else already on the scene be it the girl he is currently 'friends' with or not.
My ex had an affair for one year during and after we had our first child, he told me when my son was 6 months old about the affair. I trusted him totally and never in my worst nightmares would have thought or suspected that he would have cheated on me, especially at such a precious time in our lives. But it happened and I am better for it now. I'm not dumbing down that it is a tough slog to reach the other side.
I would suggest you do whatever fulfills your needs at this time, within reason of course. If your ex has moved on though, trying to make him jealous is probably just going to create you more emotional distress and won't make a big impact on his thinking or behaviour. I suppose you need to think of the basics...as I did in a similar situation...what will it achieve?
Sure you probably want to make him suffer or feel at least half of what you are feeling, but it isn't going to achieve anything in the short or long run. If anything it will probably just keep you living with the pain, anger and hurt longer.
Sounds cliched but it is true, you will experience all the typical emotions that go with the death of a loved one. My advice would be, make yourself aware of these changes in your emotional feelings, acknowledge them and don't try to hide them. If you can, share them with your ex (in a constructive way)....but I caveat that with....you need to reach a point where you have expressed all your emotions and then for the sake of your daughter draw the line and move on to an amicable relationship. This may seem all very pie in the sky for you at the moment, so if I were to give you some key takeaway points I would suggest:
1) listen to your emotions and share them with others, you will soon realize that there are many other people that are or have been in a similar position
2) don't do anything now that you will regret in the future.
3) look at the positives, you have a baby girl that needs yours and her fathers love and devotion.
4) think about what your actions will achieve in the long-term
Sorry, I feel like I have written war and peace here, but my last departing comment would be whatever you do, don't use your daughter as a way of getting back at him....the only person that suffers in that situation is the child (talking from experience). You sound sensible enough not to do that.
Anyway, hope that helps....take it or leave it.