Re: Go time...and time to go. Sucks...
Sham, I'm really sorry. I was afraid this would happen.
I don't know your STBXW; she may be a great lady. But, I do know this behavior.
As I've said before, she is cronically and critically manipulative. She keeps throwing stuff up against the wall to see what you will respond to. "the dogs", "why did u hurt the OMW", "i'm broke", "need a car", "come meet the realtor", "don't drop off the dogs". And, of course all the other texts that you haven't responded to and that we don't even know about.
There is a reason people need to go dark, and it's to avoid this crap. She blasts you, she tweaks your emotions, she plays on the supposed mutual love for the dogs, all to get you to respond in a way she wants you to.
The details don't matter. Everything is a prop. You're shocked she said "nevermind" about the dogs? I'm not. They were just a convenient trump card she knew she could play to get a response.
Look at where you were emotionally yesterday. Because of her missives you were ready to put off the attorney and go through mediation. Why? What's in it for you? Not a damn thing other than having to sit there and listen while she explains why it is all your damn fault that she was spreading her legs for another guy.
I don't mean to be harsh, I really don't. But, like I said, I've seen this behavior in my family and I know it well. People with these traits are generally unhappy regardless of how perfect their circumstances are. They hold powerful grudges but know how to conceal them to gain advantage. They can be the nicest person in the world when it works for them. And they learn all the buttons they need to push to get what they want.
You've been so effective up until now because you've deprived her of this control and it eats at her. Now, as another poster pointed out, she has you "agreeing" about everything from dogs to a meeting with a realtor.
BTW, do NOT sign anything listing the house.
And she's close to getting you to agree to mediation. She's beginning to get what she wants from you again and you're rewarded with a bunch of BS texts about money, why, etc.
Take a step back and see that, even in this, you are being played.
Tell her the estate is simple enough to split, and your attorney will handle it. If she wants to use an attorney to review or suggest changes then fine, but it is what it is. If she doesn't, it's all simple enough she can just sign on the dotted line when it's presented to her and save herself the money. Reiterate you're just trying to end the marriage, not screw her and that the only one that has mentioned "war" is her.
That's it. Then just tell the att to get it done as quick as possible.
But, don't fall prey to these manipulations. She might have been a great gal, but she isn't now. Think...she still, this far down the road, has not said one apologetic or conciliatory thing to you. All she's done is either ask for something or lash out.
Good luck. Sincerely, I don't mean to sound hard or harsh, but since you're "in the arena" of this emotional mess, I thought a sober view from outside the lines would help.
Last edited by piqued; 09-20-2011 at 09:28 PM.